tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34511226.post1885113227297604019..comments2023-07-29T10:07:52.558-04:00Comments on The Hidden Hero: Tetchy About TouchyV. Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17784637105545220269noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34511226.post-25988649208883030842008-07-06T00:43:00.000-04:002008-07-06T00:43:00.000-04:00Ah, culture. Now I’m American. Born in Californi...Ah, culture. Now I’m American. Born in California. My heritage is Hawaiian Portuguese. I had to learn to stop touching people. Too many guys thought I was touching them because I wanted something, you know, body parts. ugh. I grew up believing it was polite to touch someone on the hand or arm when talking to them, passing them - saying hello, or good bye etc. in college I really had to stop. and when I did, it was like losing part of what made me = me. Even with 'touch feely" being part of my every day living, I also have space issues. When someone is too close to me in line and won't back off, I step backwards onto their instep if I can manage, or at least their toes. great when I’m wearing heels. Then I apologize "oh, I’m so sorry, I didn't realize you were standing so close to me! Here let me give you some more space so it won't happen again.” I’d love to just big fat fart in their face. Or a wet huge sneeze into them and their stuff. As I get 'old' (er) those two options are becoming less embarrassing and a lot more fun. One of these days Alice!earpaintshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11538831969901666833noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34511226.post-5788212537460579832008-05-15T06:43:00.000-04:002008-05-15T06:43:00.000-04:00chinese people hate being touched, but they will r...chinese people hate being touched, but they will run you off the sidewalk without blinking.<BR/><BR/>they also stare at you with the intensity and level of shame as an infant...meaning you get weirded out much faster than they do and look away, even if you are determined not to.<BR/><BR/>public displays of affection, not so much. you won't see a couple on the street making out in china. and it's rare to have parents that cuddle their children. i guess i'm lucky that way, because my parents and i are very cuddly with each other. my cousins and their parents are not.<BR/><BR/>i get weirded out by close talkers. i've actually stopped talking and walked away before when people start to get too close to me, for no reason. but sometimes, my intuition is off and then the person gets way too ballsy with just how close and how much they can touch me. that is just plain creepy. that's about the level i'm at right now...i'm generally creeped out by straight people.<BR/><BR/>...but now that i know you aren't the touchy type, i'll make sure to poke you with a chopstick a lot on sunday.<BR/><BR/>p.s. you are neurotic. i'm glad we're friends. :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34511226.post-35000231763538536242008-05-13T13:01:00.000-04:002008-05-13T13:01:00.000-04:00I find myself being some what the same. Some peop...I find myself being some what the same. Some people, even if we are good friends I am still not comfortable with being in close proximety (how ever you spell it. Sitting here in the hospital makes one not able to think).<BR/>Agent Cake requires some sort of authorization!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34511226.post-15100040784875467692008-05-11T14:25:00.000-04:002008-05-11T14:25:00.000-04:00I don't think being a cuddler or not is genetic. ...I don't think being a cuddler or not is genetic. I'm a HUGE cuddler, (did I hug you the night we met? I prolly did. I do that.) but my parents were just fairly normal about touching.<BR/><BR/>That said, I have one weird thing. I can't sleep on a plane if someone is sitting next to me. I can practically cuddle a complete stranger just because we happen to be that close, (after one long flight, I called my seatmate's parents mom and dad when I saw them in the airport) but I just can't SLEEP with someone that CLOSE to me.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34511226.post-24342369876054288572008-05-10T09:49:00.000-04:002008-05-10T09:49:00.000-04:00Yet another post I can totally relate to! Maybe w...Yet another post I can totally relate to! Maybe we were hatched in the same alien cabbage patch before being assigned to our families.... I was never molested either (you want to talk about culturally induced paranoia--from 4th grade I've been on the alert for any potentially skeezy moves, and would mentally rehearse what to do in the event of an attempted kidnapping while I walked to elementary school).<BR/><BR/>If I recall correctly (very big if), Americans (USA-ans) generally require 24-30" of space between themselves and the person they're talking with. The more space I have, the happier I am. Which is why, in the rare instance I find myself in a social situation, I usually put a table or other large obstacle in between me and everyone else. Latins (Mexicans, other North, Central and South Americans, and Spaniards) are usually happy with a mere 18". If you trust the PSC foreign language dept that is....<BR/><BR/>I am not and never have been touchy-feely. It actually caused my mother serious grief. Which is about the same time Dad sat us down to read a hug book (detailing different kinds of hugs) and talk about how much Mom enjoys getting hugs from her kids. Every single workday, we always saw Mom and Dad hug and kiss goodbye. Part of the routine. But for some reason, my brother and I (his excuse probably has to do w/ his near teen age at the time) just got out of the habit of hugging her. And I didn't like her goodnight kisses b/c she always had bitter tea breath. But I didn't want to offend her by telling her so. (Gosh, the things we remember!)<BR/><BR/>Everytime we visited my grandparents, Mom and Granny spent at least 2 minutes hugging (coming and going, but the leave-taking hugs were always longer). I think I got off with one minute hugs from Granny, but I didn't mind hugging her. Once or twice when I was around 10 or so, Grandpa actually wanted me to hug him goodbye. I refused. (Of course at the time, he wasn't very nice to my mom, which could have played into it.)<BR/><BR/>Hated the obligatory, 'Give Grandma a kiss," that came w/ seeing the other set of grandparents. (Dad's side of the family wasn't as demonstrative, but you were supposed to pay homage to the grand dame...giving birth to 10 kids gets you that privilege.)<BR/><BR/>In junior high and high school, in SoCal, I saw lots of hugging, mainly between other girls. I never saw the point. But I didn't play the popularity game either. So I was used to seeing others be physically affectionate w/ each other, but had no desire to participate. In fact, I was so eager to avoid all interactions with others, I developed two habits--keeping my nose buried in a book, and, when I had to stop reading to walk, I wore a "Don't bother me," expression (DH would term it more of a "Don't f* w/ me," vibe that I give off) and generally avoided all eye contact. <BR/><BR/>Of course, I'm also the one who, at age 4, would hang out in the restroom at restaurants and chat with everyone who came in. It was a tossup between whether I loved washing and drying (air dryers were fascinating) my hands repeatedly or talking to all the nice ladies more. Something changed in later years b/c I rarely bother saying, "Hi," or "Bye." It's rude and disruptive to interrupt an ongoing conversation just to announce my presence.<BR/><BR/>All of the above is interesting in light of how not into PDA's I am. Ahem. Yes, there was my freshman year in college when I was guilty of gross displays of public affection, but my theory is that I was making up for lost time. I got over it by my sophomore year, much to my subsequent SO's dismay.<BR/><BR/>As an adult, I am much more comfortable meeting people half way, especially when I already know that they are touchy-feely. It's a temporary blip. So I can do the hello and goodbye hugs with a pleasant smile pasted on my face, and I'm not traumatized by it. Using your DEFCON clearance levels, I'd say that although I don't have a lot of friends, those that I do have are definitely level 2s. And I have no problem hugging my mom anymore. <BR/><BR/>(Tangent--just try avoiding any and all physical contact when you're one of the bereaved at a funeral. Having one arm around your mother helps prevent having to hug anyone else. Make it your right arm, and you're pretty much off the hook for handshakes too.)<BR/><BR/>If you've got to have a "move," hand massage is a good one! And far less of a danger for encountering stinky feet that offering foot rubs would be. =)<BR/><BR/>Oh, and I'm super touchy-feely with my son, if you want to call it that. Having had to hold him mostly 24/7 (due to his temperament), I'm very used to having him on me, and he has zero concept of space bubble right now. But he's the only one on the planet who can get away with doing certain things (that even DH can't).Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com