tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-345112262024-03-13T16:35:03.974-04:00The Hidden HeroWelcome to my blog/column. I post when I can. Please drop a comment, even if just to say Hi. It's nice to know people are reading. Hope you enjoy.V. Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17784637105545220269noreply@blogger.comBlogger64125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34511226.post-30128714258114027642016-07-19T23:28:00.000-04:002016-07-19T23:28:33.124-04:00#_______ Lives Matter<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I’m feeling a little frustrated over
this malarkey.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I try to keep silent
about it, personally, but when asked, I try to give my opinions in ways that
those who think differently will clearly understand without getting
passionately defiant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since I can’t
guarantee that happening… I usually just stay quiet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I actually think it’s more of my job in
society to do that, anyway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Racially-speaking, I’m in the majority demographic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am not being hurt by people’s actions who
are advocating over whose “lives matter”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I am not being targeted by anyone, frankly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, the best thing I can do… is just listen.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>But I am a white, cis male.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I 100% support #Black Lives Matter.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Now, if you’re the kind of person
that wants to step up and immediately say, “ALL lives matter!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Guess what?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You’re a fucking moron.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Shut up
and listen to someone other than yourself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If you want to know why you’re a moron… pay attention, because this will
apply to you.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>But the reason I’m writing this, is
that one my absolute best friends in the world, posted a picture of a police
officer, sitting in his car, with sunglasses on, and that stoic, stone-faced
expression that all cops seem to be taught to give an air of intimidation and
authority. (I really believe that is taught, and now it’s reflex that they
always look like that.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But he was
holding up a small sign that says “Police Lives Matter”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The more popular expression has been
“Blue Lives Matter”, but we all know it’s the same damn thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the last week, there have been some
shootings in Dallas and Baton Rouge, in particular, that have been targeting police
officers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now, the Black Lives Matter
movement is being countered with “Blue Lives Matter” and the continuing “All
Lives Matter”.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Now, I don’t want to say anything to
this person, one of my absolute best friends in the world, about the folly of
this argument.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because they have police
officers in their family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They
personally know the whole town police force, and consider them close
friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To hear that police officers
are being attacked is a scary thing, because it sounds like these people are
coming after their loved ones, their good friends… maybe even them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So to start to disagree with them on that, by
instinct all they hear in their head is, “Blue lives DON’T matter?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You want my friends to die, you want my
family to die?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You want my FATHER to
die???”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Of course, that is not the
case.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know their father, and he’s a
sweet guy… his stories of his young days on the force (in this small, New
England town) are hilarious to hear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s
caring, he’s personable, he’s funny, and I’m proud to know him, and have been
proud to help the family in the ways I’ve been able to over the years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even if I didn’t know him, or any of them… I
don’t want anyone to die.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Life is a
beautiful thing, the loss of it in any form is a tragic thing.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Yes, it’s because “all lives matter”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s fucking obvious.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No one would dare say otherwise, if you asked
them in sober, polite company, if you asked them on record, or if you asked
them on TV.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>But that’s not what “Black Live
Matter” is about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And it certainly isn’t
what "Blue Lives Matter" is about.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Let’s look at some statistics.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>According to the National Law Enforcement
Memorial Fund, this is the number of on-duty deaths in the 21st Century:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">2000:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>162<span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span>2008:
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>149</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">2001:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>241<span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span>2009:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>125</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">2002:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>159<span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span>2010:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>161</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">2003:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>150<span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span>2011:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>171</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">2004:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>165<span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span>2012:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>131</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">2005:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>163<span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span>2013:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>109</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">2006:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>156<span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span>2014:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>122</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">2007:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>192<span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span>2015:
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>123</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">(source:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><a href="http://www.nleomf.org/facts/officer-fatalities-data/year.html">http://www.nleomf.org/facts/officer-fatalities-data/year.html</a>)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>This is ALL deaths.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Including accidents and illnesses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’ll notice that 2001 had a big jump.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most likely due to New York.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you need reminding what happened in NY in 2001,
you shouldn’t be reading this blog.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>There are plenty of articles that
remove the stats for accidents, illnesses, and 9/11… and simply look at the
officers who were shot, stabbed, assaulted, and bombed to death, on duty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This one article, breaks it down by
Presidential Administration (<a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2016/07/09/police-are-safer-under-obama-than-they-have-been-in-decades/">https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2016/07/09/police-are-safer-under-obama-than-they-have-been-in-decades/</a>):</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>During the Reagan years, an average
of 101 officers per year lost their lives this way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>During the H.W. Bush years, it was 90 per
year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>During Clinton, 81.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>George W. Bush, 72 per year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And during Obama’s administration?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The one in the here and now?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>62 officers per year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Police officers are safer now than they were
in 1980.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Now keep in mind these numbers…
because in 2008 (the most recent number I could find for this), there were about
1.13 MILLION police officers in the United States.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>1.13 million officers… and only 62 died by
outside violence?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A tragedy for 62
families, but a dream for the bureau of labor statistics.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>This year, surely will see a rise in
the numbers… so next January, when you hear that 2016 has a 30% (or whatever) rise
in police fatalities due to shooting… that sounds like a big jump.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But not when you’re dealing with such low
numbers in the first place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One mass
televised incident will account for at least 10%, alone.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>There is no reason for cops to be
afraid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It only sounds like it because
we’re hearing about these particular incidents more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Information
now spreads faster than the weather… it crosses the country faster than the
speed of sound… so shootings are only being reported on the news, more. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Does this mean Blue Lives don’t matter?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>62 deaths is still 62 tragedies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>62 weeping families, and 62 special interest
stories on the local news.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>But why… when it is safer than any
other point in modern history to be a police officer, are they JUST NOW saying “Blue
Lives Matter”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why not say it in
1980?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>They’re saying it BECAUSE of “Black
Lives Matter”.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>And this is what gets to the
confusion over what that actually means.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So, to try and help clear it up for those that don’t know… I ask a
question.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Who is your audience?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">I
ask this same question of my students, often, when I teach Composition, where
the ultimate project is write an argumentative paper and defend their assertion
on whatever subject they’re writing about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">Who
are you trying to say this to?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who are
you trying to get the message to?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who
are you trying to convince of this argument?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Because who you are talking to makes a difference in how you say it, and
what you say.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>You can’t say, “Everyone!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because that means nothing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You have to be specific, or you’re just
shouting to the air.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You have to have a
purpose in what you say, or it will never be heard by those who do need to hear
it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>So, who does not seem to understand
that “Blue Lives Matter”?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I couldn’t
really tell you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Psychopathic criminals,
I guess, but they were going to think that no matter what your tagline is.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Who does not understand the idea
that “All Lives Matter?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those who are openly racist, certainly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But again, they already thought that, and yet
still wouldn’t be dumb enough to say it on TV.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Who is the audience for “Black Lives
Matter”?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, that’s an easier answer:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">The Judicial and Law Enforcement Systems
of the United States.</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>That is the audience that has
clearly demonstrated, over many decades of history in this country, that it is
a little fuzzy on that concept.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Black
Americans are 13% of the population, but they account for over 26% of people
killed by police.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is a statistic
that brings up a lot of other questions for another time, certainly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But Blacks are also far more likely to be
convicted for a crime than whites.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>It is the system as a whole that
needs this message.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The reason we’re all
seeing it on the news, is because to get the message to the whole system, you
have to say it loud and visibly enough so that everyone that is encompassed
under that system will end up hearing it, too.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Does the Judicial and Law
Enforcement systems of America believe that “Blue Lives” don’t matter?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If a gunman kills 3 people, and goes to trial…
he’ll get his 90 years in prison, or whatever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But if one of those victims was a cop?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>200 years in prison, throw him in maximum security, no chance of parole,
and send him to hell!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Cop Killers” get
a special breed of treatment in the system, because the whole police system “looks
out for their own”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>It is abundantly clear, to the entire
Judicial and Law Enforcement System, that Blue Lives Matter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Frankly, they seem to matter more than
most.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do you want proof that Blue Lives
Matter?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The ones who killed the cops in
Baton Rouge and Dallas… are dead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They
were dealt swift justice, and the perpetrator was taken down.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>But the killers of Michael Brown,
Eric Garner, Sandra Bland, Eric Harris, Freddie Gray, Philandro Castille, and
Alton Sterling were given paid vacations, and walking free.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The cops that killed Eric Garner,
the man who had his hands up, had no weapons, was not resisting, and put in a
chokehold… is audibly heard saying, “I can’t breathe”, and they continue their
assault.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was on video, clear as
crystal, plain as day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>But when it came time to prosecute…
the District Attorney that was “trying” (note the quotes) to do so… wasn’t able
to get an indictment.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Wasn’t. Able.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On video tape, that the world has seen. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Now, I listened to many legal
pundits in the aftermath talk about their surprise at that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They all mentioned, very clearly, that if a
district attorney really wants an indictment (which is not a verdict… just
means it actually goes to trial), then they will, indeed GET an
indictment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, the only reason this
D.A. didn’t get an indictment, is because he didn’t want to.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">There’s
a reason that people are angry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And they
have every right to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They’re also
fucking terrified.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Again, because they
have every right to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Now, yes… the bad cops that killed
those people are not reflective of every police officer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That would be silly to suggest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But what doesn’t help is that the “good” cops
in the world, are not calling the bad ones out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>As a teacher, if I hear about another teacher doing something bad… like
sleeping with a student, or getting them kicked out for stupid, arbitrary
reasons… I will absolutely say, “That’s a bad teacher.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If they’re in my school, and my feedback can,
in any way, have an impact… I will do what I can, to get that teacher fired,
because I do not want such a horrible person in my school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>But cops will not call out their
own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They will not say, “yes, they
murdered those people”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They won’t ever
say, “they need to be taken off the force, and thrown in prison for life.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No, it’s always excuses:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Well, there’s angles you can’t see…”, “It’s
tough to say, because in the heat of the moment…”, “Well, we weren’t actually
there, so we don’t know what really happened…”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Bullshit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We see exactly what happened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These instances are ON VIDEO.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And not some fuzzy VHS image from across a
dark highway a la Rodney King.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These are
full HD, up close videos.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those people
were murdered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If another police officer
can’t stop and at least say, “Yeah, this doesn’t look good”… then it’s not
exactly surprising that people will think THAT police officer is a bad one,
too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because they show no desire to get
rid of the bad elements in their force.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>When people make generalizations
that “all cops are bad”… yes, it is erroneous, but it’s perfectly
understandable why they think so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s
because the good ones are doing nothing to stop the bad ones. The Blue Lives clearly believe they are more important than Black
Lives.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>So, when you hear “Black Lives
Matter”, and jump up to say “ALL lives matter” or “Blue Lives Matter!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All you’re really doing is engaging in a
silencing technique.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are trying to
usurp the conversation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are
minimizing what our Black Americans have to deal with every day in this
country, just because you don’t want to hear about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re not actually being “better” by saying “All
lives matter”, or “Blue Lives Matter”, you’re just being a bully.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re just ignoring what is actually
happening, and you are perpetrating the violence and bigotry that has been going on for decades.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>And you are exactly the person that
should be hearing the message of “Black Lives Matter”.</span></div>
V. Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17784637105545220269noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34511226.post-67344339263630190572016-06-27T13:33:00.000-04:002017-07-25T14:45:45.426-04:00No More Heat in the Jalapeño<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Today, I’d like to talk about my genitals.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Not about the penis itself… though, I could.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I don’t know if there’s that much to say…
it’s average length, it does me just fine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I never understood insults that try to imply it’s small because a) How
would the insulter know in the first place? b) What are they comparing it to?
and c) It’s something I have no control over, so you might as well insult me
for something a complete stranger, whom I never met, has done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s about as effective.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But anyway…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I’m actually looking to talk about some of the deeper
plumbing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The pipes under the
foundation… the connectors to the hot water heater.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>More accurately… the current intentional lack
of connectors to the hot water heater.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The medical plumber has, on instruction, disconnected them.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>That means the hot water is permanently off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s no more salmon in the stream.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No fluoride in the tap water.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No peas in the pod.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No lead in the pencil.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No more spice in the salami.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m only serving dry cocktails.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Do you hear what I’m saying?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You get me?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You know, I don’t think you do… </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">I’m
saying I had the “snip and tuck”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Made
“the ultimate sacrifice”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cut the red
wire and defused the bomb.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Crushed the
dreams of a potential grandmother.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Took
my swim team out of the Olympics.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ye
olde Snip-Snip.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had an Ectomy on my
Vas.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Yes, I
had a vasectomy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Since you need it
spelled out…)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">No, I
don’t have kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nor am I even currently
seeing anyone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which makes me NOT the
common situation to have this procedure done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But I did it all the same.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Well, I don’t
want kids for one… figured that’s pretty obvious.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not saying I don’t like kids… I do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My time working 5 summers in a row with a
Children’s Theatre Group was one of the most emotionally rewarding things I’ve
ever done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love my nieces and nephews,
and I’m happy to hang out with them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
do like kids.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">I just
don’t want them.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">There was
a time, yes… I did want them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The idea
of being a father was a plan at one point.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>For most of my 20s, that plan was “Baby by 32”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I figured by the time I was 32, that would be
plenty of time to find someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and
whom to start a family with… and by that point, I’d have some kind of a stable
situation that would enable me to do all of that.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Yes, I
actually believed that with a straight face.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Needless
to say, I did not find someone to spend the rest of my life with… did not have
a stable situation to economically support it, or really anything I had
“planned” would work out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The person I
was dating at age 30 was the one I had thought was the most likely to help me
achieve that dream of “baby by 32”, and I was really liking the idea of doing
that with her… but that didn’t work out, so no.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">In the
time since, it became the realization that I just don’t want them anyway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Seeing screaming little babies, and toddlers
during the periods where they’re not being sweet little halflings (in other
words, the other 95% of the time)… yeah, I’m happy to be an Uncle (either
literal or metaphoric), and happy to stay that way, thank you very much.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">I’ve
never really had a need to “pass on” my DNA… I don’t think there’s anything
special about mine that really needs passing on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not immune to Cancer or anything like
that… so what’s the big deal?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Having said
that, I have tried to do it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">No, I’m
not saying I tried to get a girlfriend preggers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I was living the starving artist
lifestyle in Los Angeles, one of the things I looked into to “not starve” was
donating sperm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was a company in
Santa Monica that did that kind of thing, and I applied to be a donor.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">My
reasoning was that I knew people who had trouble conceiving kids in the past
(or were flat-out unable to), and knowing how much it tore them up, if I could
help someone who really wanted to conceive… that sounded like a nice thing to
do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Plus, it was $50 a pop, if accepted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, I saw nothing but benefits here.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">I did
their online application, and made an appointment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Went down on the designated day (on
instructions of “not releasing for at least 5 days”) to their local building,
of which the outside didn’t exactly look like a medical facility… but given the
nature, maybe the incognito <span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">facade</span> was good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The inside looked very doctor-office-like, so at least it didn’t seem
like some weirdo scam.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Started
filling out the paperwork (health info and such), and one of the forms was a
legal release, asking if you approve or not of the ability for the possible
future child to be able to find you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
thought about it for a few minutes… would I want a knock on the door someday
greeted by, “You’re my dad”?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On one
hand, I could see that being a very nice, friendly meeting… but also
awkward.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I recall checking “No”, because
no matter whether or not that situation might happen… I would not be their father.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even sharing the same genetic material… I
would not be their father.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I heartily
believe it takes a lot more than sperm to make someone a “real father”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, even if they found me without that
consent… I’d happily greet them, but make sure they know, that if they’re
looking for “a real dad”, then to look to the man that raised them, worried
about them, etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not the guy that shot a
lovin’ spoonful into a plastic jar for grocery money.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If they still didn’t have that (maybe it was
a Lesbian Couple that needed the help, or the man was a fuckwaffle), that does
suck, but I’d also argue that one does not necessarily need a “Dad” in the
world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some people don’t have one, and
that’s okay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(One of them is our sitting
President)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Comfortable with my decision
(and I still stand by that logic), I finished the paperwork and handed it in to
the nurse at the front counter.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">In
exchange, I was given the plastic cup, some alcohol wipes, a piece of paper
with instructions, and then pointed to one of the “rooms”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The nurse then reached behind the counter,
pulled out a CD folder (filled with DVDs), opened it up to a random page,
grabbed one without even looking at it, and handed it to me, saying that,
“there’s a DVD player in the room.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Medically-sanctioned
Porn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who knew?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">I imagine
giving me a minute to pick one might have been awkward itself… so most any disc
would do for your standard straight, cis male.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Which is me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>So, I headed into the room, which wasn’t huge, but not
tiny… saw the DVD player and monitor, the seat situated right in front of it…
about 2 feet in front of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Clearly, I
wasn’t going to be able to “relax” like I normally do when viewing adult
entertainment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Placed the plastic cup on
the small side table, the alcohol wipes next to it, sat in the seat (pants
still on), and looked at this piece of paper I was handed.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Instructions?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Please, I’ve been taking care of this kind of thing since I was 13.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t think I need instruct- oh, it’s
actual medical sanitation-things I have to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Nevermind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, I had to use the
alcohol wipes to clean the tip, in a downward motion from the opening and
wiping away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, it was specific.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Then, during the actual “acquisition”… was not allowed to
use lube.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not even spit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Had to do this dry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For those that do not have experience with
male masturbation… that’s not always easy or preferable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, this future Lesbian Couple better
appreciate this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Opened the jar, set it
within easy reach, pants came down, put the disc in the player, turned on the
tv, quick wash of the hands (to keep it sanitary), and started the movie.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>It was low-budget fare, circa early 90s, probably out of
Van Nuys (not the swanky stuff out of Chatsworth).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The dialogue was thankfully minimal, and the
cinematography standard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The scene viewed
didn’t particularly focus on exposition, so plot-wise, I admit I was a bit
lost.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But the actors were engaging, and
kept me interested… then very interested, then VERY very interested… until
suddenly I wasn’t interested anymore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>3
½ stars. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Would view again.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Lid on the cup, pants on, clean-up… okay, how do I
confidently walk out, so that no one suspects what I was doing in here?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>It was probably the dumbest question I’ve ever asked
myself, because the only reason anyone goes into these rooms is to do what I
just did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which is probably good,
because no one will be staring and judging when I step out.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>So, back to the counter, hand them the jar, give back the
DVD (which was thrown back into the folder… most likely out of alphabetical
order, the monsters), and leave.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Maybe you’re wondering, “What about the money? Was it
cash or check?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Neither… this visit was
the test to see if my fun-sauce qualifies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They check it, analyze it, see how it freezes… so, first one had to be
free.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Few days later, I got a phone call from the medical
office… I didn’t qualify.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Turns out, my
sperm count was totally normal… but to qualify for sperm donation, one had to
be 2 or 3 times MORE than normal, because a lot of the swimmers apparently
perish in the freezing process.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They
said I can try again in 6 months, in the meantime, I should probably switch to
boxers, because the boxer-briefs I wore kept the scrotum close up to the body,
and the body heat can kill off some of them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I did make the undergarment switch, but never went back for a retry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sorry, Lesbian Couple.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It wasn’t meant to be.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>So, otherwise, I never really came close to conceiving a
child with someone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As the “Baby by 32”
deadline came and went, and seeing friends and colleagues having marriages and
kids and whatnot… when I was having trouble finding dates that were as
attracted to me as I was to them… I started considering that having kids wasn’t
in the cards for me… and the thing is, I was 100% okay with that.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I do not buy into this idea that having kids is the most
fulfilling thing in the world to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
find it hard to believe, because if that were true, there would be a lot more
“better parents” in the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They
would be filled with this magical understanding of the beauty of life as soon
as the kid comes out, and they’d stop being the assholes they were before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But they don’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hell, many of them up and leave, because they
can’t or don’t want to deal with it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
doesn’t sound like it was very “fulfilling” for them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>This whole concept of raising kids being the “purpose of
life” isn’t new.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Get ready for a
Literature lesson, but the first 17 of William Shakespeare’s sonnets are called
the “Procreation Sonnets”… a whole group of poems dedicated to telling some
unknown youth that he has to get married and have children, or he’s going to be
miserable, and life will be totally unfulfilling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s a lot of crap that Shakespeare’s
plays say which I think is actually quite damaging to the social psyche, but we
ignore it, and call it all “brilliant” and “he totally knew the human condition
for all time”… just because “he’s Shakespeare.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Well, fuck that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Shakespeare
didn’t deal with the overpopulation we have today, he didn’t deal with the
environmental impact that too god damn many people are causing, or the
economical shit-storm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He also barely
traveled outside of England his whole life, so how can I trust the words of
some 400 year old hack about “the meaning and beauty of life” when he never
went to a place where people didn’t speak English, and didn’t want to?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He didn’t have access to the technology we
have today, so he didn’t have access to all the Art and Music that we
have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s plenty of things that make
life worth living, and I don’t have to follow around a drunk midget for 4 years
before it becomes an awkward hobbit with limited social skills.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>If having kids is fulfilling to you… that’s
fantastic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope it is, because the kid
is here, and they deserve to be loved and supported.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want you to have kids because YOU want to
have kids, and I hope you’re a good parent for that very reason.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>But keep in mind, it’s not for everyone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s supposed to be okay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, I know you look at your baby, and think
it’s the most beautiful thing in the world, and it’s magical, and amazing, and you
should see it that way… but remember that the rest of us think it looks like a
fucking potato.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Celebrities are
notorious for this, especially the ones with the big egos, who insist that
their baby is the most beautiful baby that’s ever lived, and everyone has to
recognize that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No, we don’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re looking at your kid like everyone
looks at their kid, but to the rest of the world, it still looks like Ed Asner
taking a dump.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>So, I’ve long since figured I wasn’t going to be
procreating.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In all honesty, I’m not
even sure why I waited this long.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I
haven’t really been seeing anyone with any consistency, I guess I didn’t really
feel like needing it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now, the last
woman I was seeing… I got my hopes up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
was really attracted to her… she was smart, funny, interesting, wonderfully
geeky, she had a good heart, well-traveled, good taste in music and food, fun
to talk to, and to top it off, stunningly beautiful to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(I don’t know if I found her so beautiful
*because* of those other things, but I didn’t mind either way)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We had a lot of similar interests, and seemed
to want similar things in life… including no desire to have children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This seemed like a near-perfect match, and I
was really thinking this is someone I’d be very happy to go long-term with.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Well, it didn’t happen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She clearly didn’t feel the same way, told me she didn’t feel a spark,
and we moved on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah, I was majorly
bummed, but I hold no ill will.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s
nothing that says she has to be attracted to me, and if she’s not… then she’s just
not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No one’s fault.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll just be over here, eating chocolate and
judging people on talk shows.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>But it did get me thinking… for one, it gave me hope that
there are women out there that do want similar things in life as me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think the reason I was keeping the
possibility for kids on the table was for the other person… if THEY wanted
children, well, maybe I should keep the option open to make them happy.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>But what about MY happiness?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What about what I want?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of my current life goals (which will
probably be a blog post at some unspecified point in the future) is to have and
live in a Tiny House.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Something just big
enough for me, and possibly someone else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Kids do not fit into that picture.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Kids need to be free-range, and for all the research I’ve been doing on
it, one thing I’ve found is that families with kids that “go Tiny” always end
up selling off those Tiny Houses and upsizing again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kids need room to grow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If they go Tiny themselves, they best do it
when they’re adults, and make the decision for themselves.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>So, I see this procedure as taking control of my own
life, my own destiny.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will never have
to worry about an “accident” that changes everything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can make the call over what happens with me
(in this realm at least).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For me, I want
this to be empowering.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, even though
I’m in no danger of getting a woman preggers these days, I decided to get a
vasectomy.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Thankfully, now that my new Insurance for this year
finally has my doctor in their network again, I made an appointment for a
physical.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This way, I can discuss it
with her in private, and get a referral and know where to go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That was something I was very concerned with…
I obviously wanted to go to a good doctor, who was experienced, and trusted,
and did good work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because with
vasectomies, there’s a vas deferens between a good one and a bad one.</span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">(Special
thanks to “Dog & Girl Industries” for that joke.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After hearing it, I honestly wonder if part
of my reasoning for doing this was to set up that very gag.)</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>So, I told my doctor that I would like to get it done
(which was actually the very first time I ever said it out loud), and she asked
me, “Wait… are you married?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I said,
“No.” “Do you want kids?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Nope.” “But
what if you meet someone that does want them?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>This was the first of me receiving “The Questions”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now, women who have made this same decision
get this MUCH more frequently than I have… for all that I’ve gotten of it, it
is only a taste of what women get if they don’t wish to breed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And that’s fucked up.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I just said, “Well, it won’t work between us.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And that was that… she said, “Okay!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then gave me the referral to a Urologist the
next town over.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I called them up, made the appointment for a
consultation, and a few days later, finally went in for it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The office was fairly empty, just one other
patient.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Eventually I was called in, the
nurse took me to the consultation room, and a few minutes later the Doc came
in… he gave me some literature, and had me watch an old video (that was a
*little* outdated), and asked me about my wife, how many kids I have, and are
we sure our family is big enough?</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I said, “Don’t have one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>None. And Yes”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We chatted for a
bit longer, I think he wanted to make sure it was not a hasty decision.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Nope, this decision has been at least 10
years in the making.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m sure.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, he said, “Okay… we can probably fit you
in sometime in the next week, I think.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Awesome, took my literature, said, “See you later", and went to the front
desk to make the appointment.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Next opening was 9 weeks later.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>9 weeks? Jiminy Cricket… so much for “sometime in the
next week”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh well, not in a huge rush
anyway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, I scheduled it, and asked to
be put on a list in case anyone cancels.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>But no one cancelled… I guess this Doc’s scissors are in
demand… so when the appointment came time, Friday, April 22<sup>nd</sup>, I
went in at 11:30am for my appointment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The only one in the office… so I didn’t wait long to be called in.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I wasn’t nervous… I knew exactly what he was going to do,
and I never second-guessed myself whether or not I was doing “the right
thing”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was, thankfully, a very
uneventful procedure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I was supposed to not do any heavy lifting or exercise
for a week… and that I’ll have a little soreness there for that time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He gave me instructions on icing the area,
and what over-the-counter medicines to take, a brown paper bag with “stuff”
(which I’ll get to), had me wait 15 minutes in the lobby (in case I felt
lightheaded or was going to faint), and then sent me on my way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could definitely feel some discomfort in
that area… but nothing debilitating.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
was easily able to drive myself, and even went and did some errands
afterwards.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now, the very next day… I
was supposed to chaperone a trip down to Boston for dinner and a show for a
bunch of students.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I originally wasn’t
sure if I was going to make it, because of this procedure… but then figured I
should be okay… so sure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then, the other
chaperone had to bow out… making me the only one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Alrighty then…</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Medically, nothing happened, nothing popped, strained, or
pained… but I did see a bit of a confirmation of my decision.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because as I’m walking with this group of
young college kids through the city… I’m suddenly in a more “parent” position,
of sorts… and I see the other citizens of Boston, mostly men as they’re taking
ganders at several of my female students… and not liking the way they’re
leering.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now, my paranoia kicks in, and
I start thinking, “Oh shit, I’m going to end up in a rumble tonight, aren’t
I?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This will not be good…”</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Thankfully, no rumble… but it did confirm that I do NOT
need kids of my own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I’m getting that
protective and paranoid over my students, who were capable<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">, young adults themselves, </span>I would stress myself into an early
grave if it were my own children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So
yeah, I felt pretty good about the decision.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Over the next week, the pain lessened more and more every
day… by day 7, exactly one week after the procedure, I felt completely back to
normal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Still took it easy-like for a
few more days, just to be sure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(And because
I’m probably just lazy, anyway)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, mild
discomfort for a week… wasn’t a big deal.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>But not the end of the story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because the Doc told me that it takes awhile
to “clear out the pipes”, so to speak.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So, I needed to return in 8 weeks with a “sample” (wink wink nudge
nudge), so they can check to make sure there’s no Heat in the Jalapeño.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Which is my favorite of the new euphemisms
friends and I have come up with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because
the seeds are where the heat is, so if you take those out – oh, never mind, you
got it.)</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>But this time, I was given the plastic cup ahead of time,
a biohazard plastic bag, a sheet of instructions (again), all in a brown paper
bag.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was the bag o’ “stuff” as I
was leaving.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because this sample wasn’t
going to be acquired on-site in a side room with a DVD player and Medical-grade
Porn… I had to get this one at home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
first, I had to wait 8 weeks, at least.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He said it took 20-30 ejaculations to clear out any remaining sperm in
the ducts, and that typically took 8 weeks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I heard that estimate, and thought… “I could beat that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I stay hydrated… I’m thinking 3 or 4
weeks, tops.”</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>But since I had to wait 8 weeks anyway… I spaced them
out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, once the time passed, I called
the office to make sure the Doc would be there to receive the sample, and get
any final instructions… did I have to put a cold pack in the bag, or something
to keep it “fresh”?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nope, just do it,
and bring it in within a few hours.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So,
I made a brief appointment to drop it off the next day… and then I start
planning.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Okay, if I bring it in sometime in the early afternoon…
so if it takes roughly 20 minutes to get there, then I should be ready to “go”
by noon, so I can be ready to go by 12:30.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I can eat lunch a little early, and YouPorn should have done their daily
update by then…”</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I just figured that the longer the sample stays around,
possibly the less accurate the analysis would be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not sure why… whether the sperm is dead or
alive, if they’re there, they’re there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So, I was just doing my normal overthinking.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>But went in, and I was armed with puns… I had put the
call out to friends for euphemisms (which is when I came up with “No Heat in
the Jalapeño), because I wanted to have fun here… and the nursing staff was
pretty cool, so I wanted to get some of them laughing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Figuring they all heard “Empty out the
chamber” and such… which is the standard euphemism, but I think it’s a bit too
violent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know why we equate the
male junk with firearms… I actually find it a bit scary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, I worked on some material with friends…
had those ready, had the sample ready, it was a half-hour old, and walked into
the doctor’s office.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>While the previous 2 times I’d been there, I was the
only, or near the only, person in there… on this day, apparently they were having
a sale of some kind, because there was at least a dozen patients waiting
around.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Son of a…</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>There was a young woman in line ahead of me… very
attractive, and I became VERY aware that I’m carrying a brown paper bag, that
contains a biohazard bag, that contains a plastic jar, that contains my semen,
that may or may not contain some of my sperm.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>So when another window opened up in reception, and
addressed me with “I can check you in here”… I lost all nerve about delivering
my new, funny euphemisms.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t know
there was gonna be a bunch of other patients, who may not be so receptive to
loud vasectomy humor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was the only
time I felt shame and disappointment in this whole process… I didn’t get to
deliver my jokes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Suck.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Gave my info, gave them the bag, and they said a nurse
would call me later with the results.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That seemed quick… I thought it would take a day or two, but okay!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Headed out, and did a bunch of errands,
roaming around the city, hitting up a Trader Joe’s and Costco, etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kept checking my phone every now and then…
but nothing come through.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then, it got
to 5 o’clock… nothing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Didn’t they close
at 5?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wasn’t sure… then, just before
5:30, my phone buzzes, I have a voicemail.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>A voicemail?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It didn’t even ring…
I immediately check it, it’s the nurse, asking me to call for the results.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The message JUST appeared, they must have
just called… called back quickly… and the office was closed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It said they *did* close at 5, like I
thought.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mother-F-er…</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Next morning, I call them back… wondering, “Hey, if they
didn’t leave a quick message saying, “all is good”, does that mean I’m not
cleared out yet?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Did the procedure
fail?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Was I the rare case of “vasectomy
failure”?</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>No, apparently, they just do that with everyone, whether
the news is good or bad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because she
said the Doc found nothing, and I “can stop using birth control”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Uh… I wasn’t on it, personally… was I
supposed to be?)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m all cleared-out.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>So that… was that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>A successful procedure, I don’t have to worry about it anymore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now, this is not something I plan on telling
my family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know my parents would love
another Grandkid, and they’d be very disappointed. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also have family that had trouble
conceiving, or was flat-out never able to have kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I definitely don’t want them getting the
wrong idea, thinking that I’m “throwing away” something they had desperately
wanted for so long.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My heart hurts for
them, because I know they wanted it so bad, and would have made great parents…
but at the same time, I can’t deny what I know is right for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, this is the kind of information I need to
keep to myself… and the Internet, apparently.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>But I know that when I do occasionally talk about it… I
do still get “The Questions”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Again,
it’s nothing compared to what women making the same decision will get… but
something about what happens in our bedrooms becomes immensely important to
people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Chatting with my like-minded
friends is never a problem, and feels very empowering and positive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mentioning it to acquaintances is a bit more
of a crap-shoot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mentioned it to one
person, who didn’t disparage me at all, but immediately after the info came
out, the first thing they asked was:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Isn’t that reversible?”</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I know they didn’t mean anything by it… but it sounded
weird to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Technically, there IS a
procedure to TRY and reverse it, but it’s very low success rate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The vasectomy, in the first place, is
severing two key tubes in your happy-sack, then cauterizing them and sewing
them off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is very much meant to be
a permanent solution. So, technically it *could* be reversed, but it’s not
supposed to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s why they ask you so
many questions and ask you to “talk with your wife” to make sure you’re 100%
sure about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So hearing the question…
sounded like a cousin to “What if you change your mind?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like they want to hear there’s an opening for
the possibility of changing my tune, and then wanting cute widdle babies with
the feet, and the toes, and oh look at you I could just eat you up!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Why do we tell newborns we want to cannibalize
them?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That never made sense to me… not
one bit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe it’s because they *do*
look like potatoes…)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If they said, “<u>Is</u>
that reversible?”… that does sound more information-gathering.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because they generally don’t know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But saying “<u>Isn’t</u> that…”, that implies
that somewhere along the line, they heard that “yes, it’s totally reversible.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, even if it is… I don’t want it to be.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The first time I put this out on the Internet, it was on
the phone app “Whisper”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s kind of
like Postsecret, only a little more freeform, and more open to idiocy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But it’s still an interesting app to read,
and occasionally, I’ll post something.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Here, I posted, on April 21<sup>st</sup>:</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">“I’m
single, no kids… and tomorrow, I’m getting a vasectomy :) “</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">I then
got a few replies… first one said:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">“Hopefully
you tell your future girlfriend that you did.”</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Do you really think I’d keep that a secret?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is something to tell someone early on…
just like you have a responsibility to tell that you *do* have kids.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Then, I got:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">“Must
have a girlfriend that has kids already.”</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Uh, no… I said clearly that I was single.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why would you even assume that?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then, my favorite… I actually got into an
exchange with this one:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">“You
don’t need a vasectomy if you’re single…”</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Me:
“Strictly speaking, no.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I don’t plan
to be single forever, and since I try to date likeminded women, choose to
remove the chance of an accident.”</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">“You
still need condoms to be safe and _might_ change your mind re. children.”</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Okay, first off… OF COURSE, this doesn’t replace
condoms.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They didn’t let me out of my
doctor’s office in the first place until I knew that… which I already knew
going in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A vasectomy does nothing to
prevent STIs, and why would it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do you
really think I’m that stupid, and that I didn’t think about this?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t do this so I don’t have to wrap it…
I did it to prevent accidents in case of breakage and shit.</span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>And again… assuming I will change my mind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I replied politely, that I won’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because I’m confidant in this decision, just
as much as someone who knows that they DO want kids.</span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">“Only
time will tell :-)”</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Okay, you pompous, self-righteous, condescending
motherfucker… that’s the fast-track to pissing me off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your coy little implication that *you* really
know what the best thing for me is, and I don’t, you can shove it up your
ass.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The majority of time that those
words are said, you’re really saying, “after some time has passed, you’ll see
that *I* am right, and you’re wrong.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>(And people looooove being right, almost as much as they hate being
wrong.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The little smiley face on the
end confirms that even more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re not
really happy I had the snip-snip… you’re happy that I’m going to “realize” that
I’m wrong, and I should have listened to you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Yeah, no chance, Douchie McDouche.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Every single one of these replies contains
disappointment, the questioning of my own choice, and some uninvited commentary
that I’m doing the wrong thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even the
one that assumes I’m seeing someone who already has kids… they’re assuming that
I need to have kids in my life, and it’s inconceivable to even entertain
otherwise.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>What if I change my mind?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Well, what if you *do* have kids, and change YOUR mind?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What then?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You going to treat them like shit, or just abandon them on a nun’s
doorstep?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Plenty of so-called parents
have done that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh, what’s that?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re *sure* you want kids, and you’d never
do that?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re insulted I’d ever imply
that?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Then how about you give me the same courtesy?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>It doesn’t matter how much someone wants you to have children,
you owe them nothing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It doesn’t matter
how much your own parents want to be grandparents, you are not responsible for
their happiness, and you are not a baby-factory.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You do not owe children to the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That was never in the social contract for
life.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Instead of being so focused on creating new people to
love in this world… how about we focus on loving the ones that are already
here?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They seem to have more of a
pressing need for it, anyway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Now, go be awesome… in whatever choices you make.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">(Special
thanks to “<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Amazon Von Blonde</span>” for help with some of the euphemisms.)</span></i></div>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
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</xml><![endif]-->V. Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17784637105545220269noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34511226.post-53777829231331167672016-06-18T23:51:00.002-04:002016-06-19T17:25:44.952-04:00The Worst Joke I Know<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">What
follows is just that… the worst joke I know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This is not the kind of “bad joke” that is too extreme or disgusting, or
shocking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not the kind of “bad
joke” that is just so “wrong” that you find yourself laughing despite yourself…
this is just a wholly unfunny attempt at humor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Folks that legitimately laugh at it… I think less of.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Don’t worry… I’ll explain why)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here it is:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">An Atheist was seated next
to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, “Do you want to
talk?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Flights go quicker if you strike
up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">“The little girl, who had
just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, “What would you
like to talk about?”</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">“Oh, I don’t know,” said
the Atheist.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“How about why there is no
God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?” as he smiled smugly.</span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">“Okay,” she said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Those could be interesting topics but let me
ask you a question first.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A horse, a
cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty,
but a horse produces clumps.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why do you
suppose that is?”</span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">The Atheist, visibly surprised
by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no
idea.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To which the little girl replies,
“Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after
death, when you don’t know shit?”</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">One of the many reasons I
hate this joke has to do with when I see it posted on Facebook… because then
people put up their comments.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Usually
it’s comments like, “That’s classic!”, “She really told him!”, “Oh, the wisdom
of children!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ha Ha!”.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">That makes me want to come
to these people’s houses, gently knock on their door or window with a baseball
bat and say, “You *do* understand that conversation didn’t actually take place
in reality, right? Because you’re acting like it did.”</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Now, I don’t actually hate
this joke because I am <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2016/06/what-i-am.html" target="_blank"><u><span style="color: #2e75b6; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #2E75B6; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-themecolor: accent1; mso-themeshade: 191;">Atheist</span></u></a>… but it is what made me notice what is so bad
about it in the first place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No, it’s
not even particularly insulting to me… though, I believe it is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">meant</i> to be insulting to Atheists in the
first place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anytime you make a joke that
is categorized as a “(Insert group of people here) Joke”… like an Atheist Joke,
a Blonde Joke, a Polish Joke, a Feminist Joke, a Black Joke, a Republican Joke,
whatever… it is a joke that is meant to insult that group; Atheists, Blondes,
the Polish, Feminists, African-Americans, Republicans, etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When you tell these jokes, it is simply your
portrayal of your perception of that group of people (or even a specific
individual.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A Hillary Clinton joke is
meant to insult Hillary Clinton), and doing so in a manner where that group (or
person) is unable to even respond, stand-up, or defend themselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If they (or someone) do try to stand-up to
it, the default response is, “Hey, it’s just a joke.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lighten up.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>(Yes, the one doing the insulting gets to take the high-ground
here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Funny how that works.)</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">This is not even about being
“Politically Correct”… which is a phrase that is thrown about a LOT, and I don’t
think anyone is even working from a similar definition on it, which makes it
pretty pointless.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Frankly, the only
people that are actually trying to be “Politically Correct”… are actual
politicians.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When a politician who has
previously spoken out against gay marriage, suddenly turns around and says that
they’re for it… that’s being “Politically Correct”, because they realize that
the majority of Americans agree with THAT stance, so if they want to keep their
job as a politician, they have to now agree with the stance, themselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We can easily recognize when politicians are
being “Politically Correct”, and I think we’re also hip enough to realize that
when someone like Bernie Sanders says the same thing… he’s actually NOT being
Politically Correct, because he’s been saying that exact shit, and supporting
LGBTQA rights, since the fucking ‘70s.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">But the current debate about
being Politically Correct, seems to be mainly complaining about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The complainers seem to be in 2
extremes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The first is the group that
says they want to be able to say whatever they want about anything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They want to say that Gay Marriage is wrong
and gays should be killed, that all Muslims are terrorists, that Mexicans are
lazy and taking American jobs (how are they taking jobs if they’re lazy?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Still haven’t figured that one out.), that
all African-Americans are thugs and criminals, that all rape accusations are
false and are just sluts now feeling regret, or whatever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They say all that, and they’re defense is, “Hey,
it’s my first Amendment Right, you Commie Heathen!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Sometimes also followed hypocritically with,
“How dare you attack my god-fearing religious beliefs, you evil heathen!”)</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">*sigh*<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The First Amendment part about “Freedom of
Speech” simply means the government can’t arrest you for speaking your mind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There are no police on the way to tackle you for saying that “Gays
shouldn’t marry”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(If you think there
are… hit yourself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hard.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But that doesn’t mean there are no
consequences for your actions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because
it’s <u>our</u> right, to think that you’re an asshole, and treat you, or
boycott you, as such.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, this extreme…
all it really is, is people complaining that they can’t be assholes.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">The other extreme, usually
seems to be comedians… or comedic-minded people at least, and they’re
complaining that “you can’t joke about anything anymore”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which I don’t think is true.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do believe you can joke about
anything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, there are subjects that
are pretty extreme, that finding decent humor in them can be difficult.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But it’s not impossible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of my favorite comedians, Dana Gould,
opens his CD “I Know It’s Wrong” talking about this, saying, “You can joke
about anything, <span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">if</span> you do it in the right context.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He then goes on to do “an AIDS joke, a rape
joke, and a joke about 9/11.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here’s an
embed for you:</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/OgUlqz6TUqA/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/OgUlqz6TUqA?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Personally, I think that was
all funny… and not particularly shocking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The AIDS joke is not making fun of the person with AIDS, it’s more about
the social awkwardness and embarrassment of a person they’re talking to… it’s
more making fun of oneself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Rape
Joke is not normalizing sexual assault, or even making fun of a Rape Victim, it’s
more about word-play.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The 9/11 joke isn’t
even about that tragedy itself, it’s satirizing certain extreme religious
beliefs.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Now, this brings it back to
the “group joke” idea… because yes, Muslims are a group, and this is making fun
of that group, ultimately.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A “group joke”
can be funny… but it does depend on the group.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Any demographic of people
that did <u>not</u> choose to be a part of that demographic… that is much
harder to joke about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Gays did not
choose to be Gay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Polish, Mexicans,
or whatever did not get a say in whether or not they were born Polish, Mexican,
or whatever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>African-Americans did not
choose to be “Black” in this world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Natural
Blondes did not choose to be Blonde… they just are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(I’m not equating being a natural blonde with
being born Black, just showing they share this one commonality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The ridicule for one is much harsher than it
is for the other… and if you can’t figure out which one… hit yourself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Really hard.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Point is:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are then making fun
of them, and insulting them for something that they have absolutely no control
over.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Now, these groups CAN be
made fun of… but it’s really best done by themselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Gays can joke about being Gay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Blacks can joke about being Black and living
in this world as such.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Blondes can make
Blonde jokes, Polish can make Polish jokes, etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The reason is simple… we should be able to
laugh at ourselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s a healthy
thing to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Especially for more
marginalized groups, it can be a good thing to find humor in that which
previously hurt you… because then it can’t hurt you anymore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It can be a way to deal with our pain. (One
of several valid ways to deal with it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We do what works for us.) So, the argument of, “Oh, I can make a _____
joke, because I am ______”, is a valid one, to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Likewise, the complaint of, “How come you can
make a joke about being _____, but I can’t make a joke about you being ____?”
is not valid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No, it’s not being
hypocritical… because you never had to deal with the downsides of being _____.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You have nothing to deal with, you never
walked in their shoes, so you can’t decide what is funny for them.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">So, if it’s a group that has
no say in being a part of that group… and you are not a part of that group,
either… then joking about it makes you an asshole.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is 100% bullying, nothing more.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">But on the other side… the groups
that you do, technically, CHOOSE to be a part of… which includes any and all
religions in the world… those are up for ridicule and critique.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The religions (and accompanying religious people)
might argue that they DIDN’T have a choice (an idea I may be revisiting in a
future topic), as they were born into that system… which may be why they don’t
feel like anyone can make fun of THEM.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But it is a choice, because ultimately, you can choose to leave it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Gays can’t choose to not be Gay (no matter
what certain religious pamphlets advertise otherwise), Mexicans can’t choose to
have their ancestors not be from Mexico, etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But any religion, political
affiliation, or belief system is up for not just ridicule, but also honest scrutiny
and critique, from the rest of society.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Being Republican, Democrat,
Libertarian, Independent, or other… all up for being made fun of.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being a Feminist… is up for honest scrutiny,
critique, and ridicule (Key reminder for this… HONEST scrutiny.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wholesale misrepresentation is ticket to
asshole-town.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Occupations of all types,
up for being laughed at… and yes, even Atheism, is completely, 100% open to
scrutiny and ridicule.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even that is not
exempt from humor.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">So, again… it’s not because
of Political Correctness or the fact I’m Atheist that I hate the joke
in-question.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s just a horrible
joke.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Take this other, different joke
for example:</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">A Christian was seated
next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, “Do you
want to talk?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Flights go quicker if you
strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”</span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">“The little girl, who had
just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, “What would you
like to talk about?”</span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">“Oh, I don’t know,” said
the Christian.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“How about the glory of God,
or Heaven and Hell, or eternal life after death?” as he smiled smugly.</span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">“Okay,” she said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Those could be interesting topics but let me
ask you a question first.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A horse, a
cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty,
but a horse produces clumps.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why do you
suppose that is?”</span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">The Christian, visibly surprised
by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no
idea.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To which the little girl replies,
“Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after
death, when you don’t know shit?”</span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Okay, you got me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not that different.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s the exact same joke… w<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">ith</span> minor
changes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Notice, however… the joke still
“works” (if you can call what it is “working”… clearly doesn’t mean being
funny), just as well if the subject of ridicule was Atheist.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is, literally, the same joke.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">This is a “Universal Joke”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t mean that it’s a joke that can be
appreciated universally, but that it can be made to fit ANY demographic,
really.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Consider some of these other “Group
Jokes”:</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">How
do you get a one-armed Polock out of a tree?</span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Wave… they’ll wave back.</span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">How
do you get a one-armed Mexican out of a tree?</span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Wave… they’ll wave back.</span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">How
do you get a one-armed Blonde out of a tree?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Wave… they’ll wave back.</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">How
do you get a one-armed Feminist out of a tree?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Wave… they’ll wave back.</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">How
do you get a one-armed Democrat out of a tree?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Wave… they’ll wave back.</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">(Despite the obscure
implication that the one-armed person is hanging by that one arm from a branch,
and not sitting nicely balanced on that branch… )<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It doesn’t matter what group you put in
there, it’s the exact same joke.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All the
joke really is, is “How do you get a one-armed Idiot out of a tree?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Only “Idiot” is being replaced with whatever “group”
you don’t particularly like.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because you
think that group is just nothing but idiots.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">As you can see… “Universal
Jokes” are inherently lazy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>About 90% of
“group jokes” are also “universal jokes”.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">This “man on the plane”
doesn’t have to be Atheist or Christian.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You just change what group he’s in, and a slight adjustment to his
topics of conversation (to make them issue-appropriate for that group), and the
joke has the exact same effect, and the kid is equally sassy.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">“<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">A
Democrat was seated next to… How about Government, the plight of the middle
class, or expanding Health care?</i>”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">“<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">A
Feminist was seated next to… How about the Patriarchy, the history of Women’s
Rights, or modern Gender Issues?</i>”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">“<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">A
Postal Clerk was seated next to… How about the price of stamps, or new shipping
technology, or International Export Regulations?</i>”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>See?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Doesn’t matter what or who is in there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All it is, is an effort to make some “other group”
look stupid at the hands of an imaginary child.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Even
looking at this joke structurally… so much of it is just bad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A good joke at least has some basis in
reality, because it plays upon those expectations.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now, I always say, “Why analyze something when
you can over-analyze it?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, let’s
break it down, shall we?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">An Atheist was seated next
to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, “Do you want to
talk?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Flights go quicker if you strike
up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Okay, the
fact that this guy just turns to a little girl on an airplane to “talk”, raises
a red flag to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most adults don’t even
think to do this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hell, I’ve been on
planes sitting next to kids I actually know… and have no desire to “strike up a
conversation”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The fact that he actually
thinks he can have an articulate, conversation with a young, unfamiliar child
is more pathetic than it sounds… and in fact, actually sounds a bit
creepy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>First impressions: this guy is a
Pedophile.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Pssst… by the way, statistically
speaking, it’s more likely he’s religious.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Not saying Atheism doesn’t or can’t have sick assholes, but I don’t ever
recall reading about a perverted child molestation scandal involving a “devout
Atheist”)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">“The little girl, who had
just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, “What would you
like to talk about?”</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">“Oh, I don’t know,” said
the Atheist.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“How about why there is no
God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?” as he smiled smugly.</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">I’d like
to know what Religious Individual thinks that an Atheist would ever ask ANY of
these questions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What do THEY think that
we actually expect?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every single one of
these is a very short, and dumb, conversation.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>If your own answer to “Why is there no God” sounds like, “For
the same reason there’s no polka-dotted platinum elephants in Detroit that
shoot rainbows out of their asses while singing Puccini opera in Chinese… because
it’s not a thing.”… then there’s nothing to explore or learn with that
question.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Is he saying, “Hey let’s examine the evidence that there
is no God”?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because again, no Atheist
would say this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can’t prove that
something DOESN’T exist.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As sure as I am
that there are no polka-dotted platinum elephants in Detroit (or anywhere) that
shoot rainbows out their asses and singing Chinese Puccini opera… granted, I
can’t prove it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because I haven’t looked
everywhere in Detroit yet… and it’s even possible it could even move around
when I’m looking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I know it’s pretty
damn unlikely… enough that I’m confidant it’s not a thing.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">And… “smiled
smugly”?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, this guy is proud of
himself that he’s bringing up advanced concepts to a child?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This speaks less of being an Atheist, and
more just an all-around douchebag… again, a quality not exclusive to Atheism.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is he thinking that he is impressing this
young girl?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why?? This is sounding more
and more like a predator.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At what point
does the Flight Attendant show up, and reveals themselves to be Chris
Hanson?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“So… Mr. Atheist, do you go on the
message boards of “Young Girls Traveling Alone” as “NoGod6669”?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hey, you’re free to go…”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">“Okay,” she said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Those could be interesting topics but let me
ask you a question first.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A horse, a
cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty,
but a horse produces clumps.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why do you
suppose that is?”</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Oh, okay,
complete change of subject.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, it
probably has to do with their biological systems and the physical activities
they evolved to optimize.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m no
zoologist, but thinking about it for 5 seconds, that seems relatively clear.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">The Atheist, visibly surprised
by the little girl’s intelligence, </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Why is he
“visibly surprised”?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s the one who
brought up advanced theological concepts to her, and he’s “visibly surprised”
by receiving anything remotely articulate in return?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why did he bring it up if he didn’t think she
would comprehend it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What was he
expecting in the first place???<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Gee, I
don’t know about any of that with my little lady-brain… I guess you really are
smarter than my daddy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can I come stay
with you-”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>AHHH!! Jesus jumped on a pogo
stick!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why do you think a typical
Atheist would do this???<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What point is
it making to you???</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">thinks about it and says,
“Hmmm, I have no idea.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Okay,
apparently, he didn’t think about it for 5 seconds.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">To which the little girl
replies, “Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life
after death, when you don’t know shit?”</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Well, kid, since you brought
it up:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those subjects have absolutely
nothing to do with one another, and a knowledge of zoology is not a
prerequisite for religious or philosophical academic discourse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Clearly, you’re parroting some catch-all
sassy response that you were previously told.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>While I applaud the effort of dissuading and trying to put off a would-be
pedophile, regardless of what he’s identifying himself as, belief-wise, you
are, however, now stuck next to him for the next few hours on this plane, and
that crack ain’t going to stop him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Call
the attendant!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Right now!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Switch seats, get the Air Marshall, something!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Get away from this guy, before he appears in
another badly thought-out attempt at humor to marginalize and insult from the
believers!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Sorry… where was I?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Anyway…
so that is a horrible joke.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And others
like it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s important thing to look at
our own humor, and think about WHY we’re laughing at it, and why we want to
tell the jokes we like to tell.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not
about “Political Correctness”… it’s just about basic respect.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think that’s the decent middle-ground of
it, too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s all “being PC” is, to
me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not being a complete asshole.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>And
while it’s your right to be an asshole, if you really want to be… I’d rather
not.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>What
do you think?</span></div>
<br />V. Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17784637105545220269noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34511226.post-17108936597697061262016-06-11T22:42:00.000-04:002016-06-11T23:00:23.838-04:00What I Am...<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">I am an Atheist.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">This is actually not
something I normally advertise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
usually keep it on the down-low, mainly because of my family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have extended family that are believers,
and I do not wish to offend them (even though I don’t think Atheism is inherently
offensive), and it’s just something I plain avoid, as a subject, anyway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As conversation topics go, religion isn’t
even that interesting to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">But I am one, and I’m
getting more open with it in the past few years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m always happy to mention, or talk about
it, with like-minded people (usually when connected to another issue.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After all, nothing seems sillier than saying,
“Hey, wanna talk about how there is no God?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Face it, that’s a short conversation.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But I’m not looking to change anyone’s mind, or turn people into a
fellow Atheist.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t think you can
actually “turn” someone Atheist.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">One thing I’ve noticed in
life, that someone who “changes their life” in an instant, either hasn’t
actually changed their life as much as they think… or they will “change” it
again, at least a few more times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, if
someone becomes an Atheist in a moment, based on one thing, say the painful
loss of a loved one, then it only takes one other quick moment to turn them
back into a believer.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">Becoming a true Atheist
seems to be a slower process.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sure,
maybe there is a “moment” that you can recall of starting to question things…
but that right away is not going to do it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But after searching for answers, and not finding them, and using reason
and logic, and critically looking at what is being taught… that can certainly
do it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know who first said this,
and I’m probably paraphrasing:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">“Study
one religion, and you’ll study it for life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Study two religions, and you’re done in an hour.”</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">Even those that had “bad
experiences” with religion as a kid… note the plural.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It wasn’t one instance, but a whole series of
systematic screw-overs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It wasn’t one
time of a priest touching them that turns them off to the whole religion, it’s
the mass denial afterwards, the legions of individuals that don’t believe them,
or the several high officials that cover it all up, to make it sound like it
never happened, the months or years of self-doubt, of low self-esteem for
feeling like you “failed” God, and then the repeated instances of the abuse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When you’re religious, you are usually raised
that way, and it’s ingrained in you to believe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“Not believing” doesn’t seem an option.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So, even when something that atrocious happens in the guise of religion,
in the supposed sanctiful safety of a Church, that alone still won’t turn an
individual off right away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But it will
surely make them start to question it, after too long.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Personally, I’d rather people question it
out of logic and reason… rather than some pedophile motherfucker that deserves
to have his nuts arc-welded together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Logic and reason will show you it’s stupid, but trauma like that will
show you how evil and damaging it can be.)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">Now, I don’t recall when I
started to question it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wonder if
maybe I always did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My father was raised
Catholic, and my mother was raised Protestant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When we were baptized, myself and my 2 older brothers were done so in
the Protestant Church.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were taught
the Lord’s Prayer to say as we were going to sleep (though, we didn’t recite it
every night), and we went to Sunday School at the local Protestant Church, the
one my parents got married in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When we
got to be about the age of 7-9 or so, my mom gave us the “option” to go to
Church with her (Dad always stayed home).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Normally, we chose not to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most
likely, she knew this, and just decided that wrangling us if she didn’t have to
wasn’t worth it. (We tended to explore a lot, and go places we probably
shouldn’t have.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do remember choosing
to go with my mom a few times, but it was mostly sounds and general feelings
that I remember, no actual “lessons” were sticking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was given a Bible, which has my name
written in the inside cover, in some poor-man’s version of calligraphy.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">My oldest brother was a
kinda-sorta altar-boy for a time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He also
was the only one that got “confirmed” in the Church just as he was becoming a
teenager.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He received cards, and gifts,
and money… and I thought, “Cool!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll be
cashing in, soon, too!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But it never
happened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The middle brother and I never
went through Confirmation, because our family had moved by that point, and we
never attended or got involved with the local church.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We got hosed out of the loot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bastards.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">Suffice it to say, we didn’t
actually grasp what being “Confirmed” meant… the Church seemed to see it as a
“coming of age” ritual, where a young boy (in this case) becomes a man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah, barely 13 is “a man”?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t think so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That whole concept is flawed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe at one point in history, the age of 13
was considered “an adult”, out of necessity (probably because people were
grandparents and died in their late 30s), but that has not kept up with the
times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t see anyone using a
modicum of logic telling me that a modern 13-year-old is ready for all the responsibilities
of an adult.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’d be child abuse to
expect that of them, frankly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, why go
through this ritual that is all about saying that exact thing?
(*cough*Indoctrination*cough*)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">Like I said, though, we had
moved to a new town, and my mom never again went to Church on Sunday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know if she just didn’t want to go to
a new Church, which was different from possibly the only Church she ever
attended normally, or decided she changed her own mind and didn’t want to go to
ANY Church, ever again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I suspect that
her beliefs didn’t actually change… but more like she just didn’t bother to go
again, preferring to get stuff done on Sunday morning, instead.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">Throughout my teenage years,
religion came up sporadically.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do
remember a conversation with my father telling me that when I have kids, that
they do need to be raised in *some* kind of belief system. (Though, I’m pretty
sure he meant something Christian-based, at least.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know if Satanism or Islam would fit
the bill.) <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I found it odd from him,
because I’ve never seen him in Church outside of a wedding or funeral.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But his opinion seemed to be that it was more
of the “mother’s duty” anyway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, I guess
that meant that I don’t need to be an active participant in it… just “get out
of the way” of my future wife.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">I did have some religious-minded
acquaintances at school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Occasionally, I
was invited to go with them to “youth group” night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I didn’t have a lot of opportunities for
going out and socializing (the pain of the shy teenager, a whole topic for
another time), I took them up on it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not
because I was leaning religious-like… I was just looking for people to connect
with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There were a ton of kids there,
most of them I didn’t know (as they were from different schools), and they had
a bunch of fun little activities… and by the end of the evening, everyone would
be gathered in the main meeting room, and we’d all sit on the carpet, and
they’d do the big group prayer, and actually mention God or Jesus for the first
time all night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just bowed my head and
closed my eyes, but I didn’t pray or anything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I didn’t really see the need.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So,
I was mainly just being respectful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After
all, the reason I was there had nothing to do with religion.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">Now, thinking back on it… I
think that youth group was a Mormon one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I knew many kids that were, and my first actual date, which was my
Junior Prom, was with a Mormon girl.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There
were some downsides… as much as her parents seemed to love me, I still had to
have her home by 1:30am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While the
actual “Prom” ended at like 11, the school-sponsored after-party, which just
about everyone went to, at the local YMCA, was an all-night shindig, and as PG
as you could get.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(So, yeah, our Prom
looked nothing like it was in the movies.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Still, I had to leave early and get her home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Had a nice time, all the same… and it was my
actual “first date” ever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I did get
the lifelong impression that Mormonism entailed much stricter parenting than
most other belief systems.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know
if that’s fully substantiated… but I haven’t seen it really countered.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">My Prom date and I fell out
of touch… unfortunately, nothing developed between us at the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Though, a few years ago (after 20+ years),
she contacted me out of the blue, and we got to reconnect.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We would talk about that Prom night, and why
nothing ever came of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She told me
there were a lot of family issues at home she was dealing with, some of them
religiously-connected.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(On my end… well,
I just didn’t know what the hell I was doing anyway.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She has since long-rebelled against the
Mormon belief, and while she does believe in God, it seems more of a Pagan-ish
form of it, with nature and fate, etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She never gives it a formal name, but she is “sure” there is a God.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">Through my teens and 20s… I
wasn’t so sure.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">I had long considered myself
“agnostic”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I always figured that, to be
honest, I just “didn’t know”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Knowing
that so many belief systems were utterly positive that they had it right… I
could easily recognize, “well, SOMEONE has to be wrong… but no one will ever
even suggest it could be them.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, I
preferred to embrace the idea of possibilities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That maybe everyone has something right… or maybe they’re all wrong, and
it’s something else entirely, that no one has even thought of yet.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">But the few times I’d
mention that, I’d hear… “Oh, well that’s God.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">“No, I mean… what if it’s
all something else?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You know, something
that isn’t God, or Allah, or whatever.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">“No, you’re talking about
God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s God, right there… everything
you’re describing.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">I quickly realized, that if
I was talking to a Muslim, they’d have said, “Yep, that’s Allah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Totally.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You clearly believe in Allah.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or
a Mormon would say, “Oh, yeah, everything you’re saying?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s totally God/Jesus-by-way-of-John-Smith,
to a T.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You agree with us.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Etcetera.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">I definitely didn’t like
being told “what I believed”. Especially when I was clearly asking, “What if
it’s not that exact thing you’re saying?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If felt like they were completely ignoring what I was saying, and again…
not even entertaining an outside possibility that they might be wrong.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">My last girlfriend in Grad
School was (and I hate to say this), “the good little Christian girl”, and I
think she was trying to convert me a few times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We’d get on the subject, and I’d voice my very open-ended beliefs, which
by this point were very much getting more science-based… and she’d say, “Oh, so
you *do* believe in God.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After the
third time that happened, I had to admit to myself that if our relationship
were to go any further, we were going to have to have a conversation about
religion and the future, one that would not go well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Knowing exactly how it was going to go, I
opted for the cleaner break, and ended it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">Now, most of my relationships
were with women whose religious beliefs were different than mine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whether it was from a formal doctrine that
their families followed for generations, or their own brand of Wiccan, or
whatever… usually, the subject was avoided.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>My position was always, “If you don’t have a problem with my beliefs, I
won’t have a problem with yours.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Religious
beliefs didn’t disqualify anyone for me. They always said they agreed with
that.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">In practice, however, it
turned out to be the opposite of that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>More often than not… they would ultimately have a problem with mine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Trying to change or convert me… that’s
clearly having a problem with my beliefs, as you attempt to get them to align
with yours.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">The previous relationship I
had with the one known as “The Ex” (Capital “T” and “E”), she was also
religious.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew she was “religious”
going in, but assumed it was about as religious as most people, not enough that
it would really interfere with a decent relationship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had no problem with her being religious,
and she said she had no problem with me being agnostic (as I was still using
that term).</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">As time went on, I saw that
it was more important to her than I would have guessed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If it was a 20-point scale, and the average is 10, I’d still say she was
a 12, maybe a 13.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just a little more
than the average person, as it appeared to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But I still saw no problem with it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She liked to go to church every Sunday, and I never spoke badly about
it, never suggested that she shouldn’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She said it was important to her… so that’s how I took it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why would I not want my paramour to take part
of something that was important to her?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Heck, I even reminded her to go sometimes, because she hadn’t realized
how late it had gotten on that day.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">But at times, she would
voice her wish that “we” could go to church together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So… I did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>One time, I joined her in going to Church.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It… was not a good experience for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For my youthful church memories of not
remembering the specific lessons or stories… this one that the Priest was
talking about, I do remember.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I had
a VERY big problem with it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">The crux of it was from
Matthew 5:13, “Blessed are the poor of spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of
Heaven”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now, even looking this one up
online… there are a few different interpretations of this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some say that “poor” really means “humble”…
or that “Blessed” actually means “happy”, etc etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I say, “Bullshit”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This book was not written in English
originally.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a translation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Actually, a translation of a translation of
a translation of a translation of a translation, etc)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If it was originally in English, then sure,
you could debate how the meanings of words changed through the years… but this
isn’t the case.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If the true translation
was “humble”, instead of “poor”, than why wouldn’t it simply say “humble” in
the translated book?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or why wouldn’t it
say “Happy” instead of “Blessed”?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So…
it’s “poor” of spirit, I don’t see why it isn’t that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I digress…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">The priest picked this
passage, this line, and then relayed an anecdote that demonstrates this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A common practice, a normal technique, no
problem there. He said that he was doing some mission work in either Guatemala
or Honduras (can’t remember which), and was staying with this very poor family
in some out-of-the-way village. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They
were very welcoming to him, and kind, and even though they didn’t have much,
they were still happy to share what they had with this priest, and he was
marveling at that.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">As he said it, this family
was very “poor of spirit”, and realized that these people were “the Kingdom of
Heaven”… and that everyone in the congregation should be “poor of spirit” like
these people, and then we’d be “the Kingdom of Heaven”.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">I immediately thought, “What
the FUCK???”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>First off… that family was
not “poor of spirit”, they were very RICH of spirit!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That through financial hardship, they were
still loving, happy, and accepting, and enjoying the life they had.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t call that “poor” of spirit.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">It seemed clear that the
priest was equating economic poverty with being “poor of spirit”… and right
after saying that “we should all seek to be ‘poor of spirit’”… the collection
plate was passed around.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What a great
way to tell folks to give more money… by saying that you have to be poor, or
you won’t be the “Kingdom of Heaven”.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">This passage was from the
“Sermon on the Mount”… and thing is, I can easily see a really nice way to look
at this, one that seems a hell of a lot more accurate, and is a much more
positive message.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Blessed are the poor
of spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is supposed to be words of comfort.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Hey, for those that are feeling depressed,
or down in the dumps, who feel like you’re a piece of garbage on the world (the
‘poor of spirit’), hey… cheer up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re
the kingdom of heaven!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">The sermon even goes on to
say, “If you mourn, you will be comforted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The meek?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’ll inherit the
earth. Etc”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These are words of comfort
to a mass of people that are feeling down, wronged, and anything but
Rich-in-Spirit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But it’s not that you
should actively seek out to be “poor of spirit”, or you won’t get into heaven…
that’s just moronic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead, he so
easily turned around into “hey, give us more money, and you’ll get to heaven.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">When she asked me what I
thought as we were driving home… she could see I was having a problem with
something from the sermon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t want
to disparage it at all, but she insisted, so I told her my issues with it, and
how I thought it was pretty damaging what he was saying, even though he was
very nice in his demeanor, and very polite… the ideal image of a kind
priest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The words he was saying just
didn’t mesh with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And she agreed,
that was an odd interpretation, the way he was saying it, but she was just kind
of rolling with it, really.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">She didn’t ask me to go with her
again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t think I would have
agreed, anyway.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">Towards the end of our
relationship, the religion seemed to come a bit more into it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She wanted to stop having sex, based on
religious reasons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Wanted to save
herself for marriage)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t put up a stink.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If that’s what she wanted, her comfort was
more important to me than my own physical gratification… so I didn’t even
object at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had no problem
respecting that decision, even though almost everyone I’ve told that to said,
“That’s fucked up.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And yes, looking
back on it… it was unfair to me, and she should have just broken up with me
then and there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I loved her, and I
apparently give a lot of leeway to people I really care about.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">She also voiced her lament that when she
would go to church, she’d see this sweet old couple going together, being there
worshipping God together… and really wanted that for us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of all the things I was happy to do for her,
and tried to give her… I had to admit, I wouldn’t be able to do that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I really didn’t think she’d want me to just
try and fake it, because that seems disrespectful to everyone involved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">But anyway, we didn’t last
much longer after that (about a month or so).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Many details connected to the end of it (as there always are), but at
one point, post-breakup, it had gotten back to me that someone had asked her
about why we broke up, and she had answered, “He didn’t respect my religion.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">That… actually angered me.
Because I feel like that was a complete lie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I supported her in her religious practices, respected everything she
threw at me connected to it, never talked against it… because I knew it was
important to her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt like I did everything
I could to “respect her religion”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
tried to think about her point of view… what did I do that was so
disrespectful?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now, maybe this is just
the blindness of memory talking, but the only thing I could come up with… was
that I just wasn’t religious, myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There does seem to be a lot of people that believe “Respect” means
“Agree”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“If you don’t agree with my
philosophy… you clearly don’t respect it.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That is flawed in so many ways.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">Now, if she had said, “We
weren’t the same religion, and that’s important to me.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No problem… I can’t fault her for that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s understandable, and it places the blame
on no one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would have more respect if
that’s what the reason was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But she put
the blame squarely on to me, making me seem like the jerkwaffle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not saying I never was a jerkwaffle at any
point, but I know I wasn’t about that issue.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">With the other myriad of
details around that breakup, there were others that were
religious-related.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Suffice it to say,
this would not be counted as a “good experience” with religion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At the close of this relationship, with my
long-standing policy of “If you don’t have a problem with my beliefs, I won’t
have a problem with yours” had to be adjusted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Since so many DID have a problem with my beliefs, I determined that I’m
just going to have to go with it, and not get into another relationship unless
the other person had the same belief system as mine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did not want to spend any more period of
intimacy arguing about religion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">So, I started examining my
own beliefs a bit more… to figure out exactly what those beliefs were.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why was I “agnostic”, and is that just
pushing off the question?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I came to the
conclusion that I was really leaning towards full-on Atheism anyway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Saying “Agnostic” just felt like waving the gun,
but not pulling the trigger.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Sorry for
the violentish metaphor)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, this sort
of felt like a bit of a culmination of all the sporadic studying I’d done over
my whole life.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">I have read the Bible, did
so years ago, back in Undergrad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Granted, a lot of it just kind of passed by… my eyes read the words on
the pages, but not a lot was really sticking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But I would shake myself a few times to pay more attention, and then I’d
notice something particularly… unsettling, shall we say.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But it might be worth noting the exact Bible
I was reading… the copy I received as a child, that I mentioned earlier.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That was the handiest copy I have, so of
course I read that one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have come to learn…
it was not the normal “King James” version… it was the “New Modern English”
version.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now, I’m thinking this one
wasn’t proof-read for quality by my old Pastor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Just to give an example:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Genesis
19:5… in the King James version:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">“And
they called unto Lot, and said unto him, Where are the men which came in to
thee this night?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bring them out unto us,
that we may know them.”</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">Now, that is kind of
ominous… what do they mean by “know them”?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Why are they so insistent, and why is that a problem, especially when
Lot then goes out and offers his virgin daughters to them instead?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With the city being “Sodom”, and it’s where
we get the term “Sodomize” from… The subtle implications here are kind of
interesting and spooky.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">Then, we see Genesis 19:5…
in the version I got as a kid:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">“They
called out to Lot and asked, “Where are the men who came to stay with you
tonight?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bring them out to us!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The men of Sodom wanted to have sex with
them.”</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">That is a fucking quote.
Literary subtlety was not the strong suit of these editors.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">I have considered seeking
out an actual King James Version of the Bible, just for reference… but
honestly, I really don’t care enough to spend any money on it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Besides, I can find what I need on the
Internet, surely.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I do look every
now and then, to see if a quote *really* does say what I heard it saying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In one episode of <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Penn & Teller’s Bullshit!,</i></b>
which was a great documentary series, they look at Creationism and the Bible,
and they suggest following along in “your damn Bible”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, I already established that *my* damn
Bible is worded very differently, so it probably wouldn’t have the same
effect.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, I stuck to the Interwebby.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">I also found plenty of other
notable sources, and speakers… like Christopher Hitchens and Richard
Dawkins.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Christopher Hitchens, I admit,
did seem like a bit of a prick (before he died), personally.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But he’s still articulate, smart,
well-informed, and a very good writer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So, seeing him argue with people on shows and debates… is still
entertaining.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Richard Dawkins seemed
much more friendly, and usually attacked the same issues from a more scientific
standpoint.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I read his book <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The
God Delusion</i></b>, which I thought was really good, and I feel like I
learned a lot from it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">There are a myriad of other
modern speakers, some in the YouTube generation, other authors, etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some… are assholes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While the stereotype of Atheists all being
mean assholes is unwarranted, there are douchebags.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just like there are douchebags in EVERY
group, religious and secular alike.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Every now and then, I do meet someone who vocally pronounces themselves
as “a self-proclaimed Atheist”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They
actually say the words “self-proclaimed” in front of it every time they say
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of these days, I’m going to pull
one aside and tell them:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">“Psst… there is no
certification process to be an Atheist.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There’s no classes to take, no committee to impress, no reverse-baptism
to schedule.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>EVERY Atheist is a
“self-proclaimed” Atheist.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s how
you become an Atheist in the first place…. You just say so, mean it, and it’s
true.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So stop saying ‘self-proclaimed’,
because you sound like a fool, you fool.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">Me, I still don’t really
announce it very much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whenever I talk
to students, I do my best to never give an indication of what my beliefs are,
because it does occasionally come up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Someone in the writing class will write a story about God, or someone in
the Composition class will want to use religious reasons in an argumentative
paper (which never really holds up, anyway), or whatever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do that simply because I don’t think it’s
appropriate for them to know that information, and there’s less chance of
anyone deciding to dismiss my advice if they know I’m on the opposite of their
own beliefs.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">I also try not to mention it
on Facebook.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While I am subscribed to a
few Atheist groups, those aren’t seen by my connections (as far as I know), and
I’m very careful with my comments to not raise any red flags.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Twitter and Tumblr, though… I’m a bit more
open with my views, as those (and this) are still anonymous.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would like to be more open and “out of the
closet” about it, though.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">Though, last year I did get
a small <a href="https://www.etsy.com/listing/184682361/atheist-science-logo-1-pendant" target="_blank">Atheist necklace, one I found on Etsy</a>, and when I remember to, I like
to pull it out and wear it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s also
not too blatant… when one of my cousins saw it and asked what it was, I just
said, “Oh, it’s just a science-y thing I liked.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(I might have told her what it was if we were
alone, but surrounded by a lot of family, I decided to play it safe and not
mention it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, I tucked it back under
my shirt.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, while I ultimately feel
it’s about as “flaunting my beliefs” as wearing a cross, my instinct still says
to keep it on the down-low.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The social
consequences can be very real.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">In this day and age, in this
country, the religious side seems hell-bent on making it seem like THEY are
suffering the social consequences, like their religion is being attacked, and
that Atheism is going to be law of the land, and they’ll be arrested for being
Christian, etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are some bat-shit
crazy people out there… and what’s worse is that many of them have political
power.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have too many politicians
openly flaunting their Christianity and it’s making them want to do things like
ban gay marriage, or totally outlaw abortions… it makes them want to get
involved in affairs that have nothing to do with them, just because they don’t
like what someone else is going to do with their own lives and bodies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s atrocious, and it’s plain evil.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But they still tout themselves as the heroes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like that the horrible woman, the town clerk
that refused to issue gay marriage licenses, even though her job is a
government job, and as such is not allowed to refuse any lawful service.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All because it was against her religious
beliefs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She even went so far as to
prevent any of the assistant clerks from issuing them, either.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She spent a few days in jail because she went
against a judge’s direct orders… and when she got out of jail, she acted like
she was emerging a hero for the cause… fighting the evil oppressors.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even though, historically, she was the one
acting like the oppressor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m actually
glad I don’t recall her name… and I hope no one does, ever again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I never heard more on that story… if she
started to issue the marriage licenses to gay couples, or stepped down from her
position, or if she just went back to jail.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">Or the countless stories of
school boards actually giving consideration to teaching Creationism in schools,
claiming Evolution is only a “theory”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>How people on a “School Board” actually got out of a real “School” not
knowing what the word “Theory” means… is a travesty unto itself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Gravity is a Theory, the fact that the Earth
revolves around the Sun is a Theory (one contradicted by the Bible)... but
they're not raising a stink about any of that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Go figure.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">I feel confident that more
of the world is pushing towards reason and logic, and away from religion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While religion may never fully go away, I can
hope that it doesn’t interfere with real learning and education, or with legal
policy, or be used as an excuse to deny someone something.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But there are still many places that let
religious thought rule them, not just in far off countries breeding what we
call terrorists, but ones here as well… breeding ones we should also be calling
terrorists.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">So, declaring my Atheism
feels like officially joining a minority.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m okay with that, and I didn’t get here by a bad experience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I haven’t been indoctrinated by secular
thought.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t “hate God”, and no, it
doesn’t take “more faith” to not believe than it does to believe, etc (I’ve
heard some whacko arguments and explanations).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">I just don’t need God to be
a good person, and I don’t need religion to give my life meaning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have good morals, and I didn’t need a 2,000
year old book to tell me them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(It’s
pretty easy to figure out that murder, stealing, and rape are bad things to
do.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t believe in God, but I
believe in the innate goodness of most people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I believe in the beauty of Science, and the eternal search for true, provable,
knowledge.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">I think those are good
things to believe in.</span></div>
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<![endif]-->V. Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17784637105545220269noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34511226.post-48351483036711825272016-05-28T23:11:00.000-04:002016-05-29T12:37:44.576-04:00Things to never say...<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I am
always trying to improve myself… and I mean legitimately trying to become a
better person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No matter how much of a “<a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2013/01/resolution-for-new-year-no-more-mr-nice.html" target="_blank">good man</a>” I think I am, I do always want to strive to be better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To be a stronger, more supportive person, who
is able to create a safe space wherever they go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t expect to be perfect, but there’s
always something I can work on.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>So, one
day, I started thinking of phrases to never say.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Statements of complete jerkwadiness that
really don’t help anyone when they’re being said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, I am talking about self-censorship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t think this is a bad thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It has nothing to do with “political
correctness”, which is a concept that is oddly argued these days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I’m not fully sure on my own
thoughts on it, currently… but I generally equate it to simply having respect
for a fellow human being.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are
comedians I very much respect who refer to it as us not being allowed to laugh
anymore, or let anyone get offended.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
think that’s an extreme form they are referring to, again, one I haven’t
completely articulated for myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
think you can laugh at anything, and still not be disrespectful... and any of
those comedians that have made those arguments, I don’t think I’ve ever
considered to be “politically incorrect”, anyway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The stuff I find objectionable is where a
person is intentionally trying to be hurtful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>For instance, to joke about a Transgender person, and how hard it is to
find comfortable heels in a size 14-wide, is one thing… but to “joke” about
invading a public bathroom to beat a Transgender within an inch of their life…
is another thing altogether.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One is
Seinfeld-like observational humor… the other is openly advocating killing
people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think it’s clear to see which
one is crossing the line.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, when
certain people complain about political-correctness, I think they believe that
they can’t make ANY jokes… which I don’t think is the case.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yet, when certain others complain about it…
it’s because they’re upset that they can’t be complete assholes anymore.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
It also comes to the groups doing
the complaining.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Transgenders would have
a legit complaint if the humor is literally killing them (as it is in many
places), but other groups do not, especially if the humor is merely opening
them up to criticism (as in the case of many religious groups).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No group is absolved from legit criticism…
and as long as that criticism isn’t flat-out bullying, then there shouldn’t be
a problem.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
But that may be for a future topic,
anyway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here… I’ve formed this list, not
because I’m looking to be “politically correct”, just that I’m looking to
eliminate hurtful and abusive behaviors in my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, trying to keep myself in check like this
is one way I’m trying to do that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These
are statements that I believe are just completely useless, and do nothing but
hurt others, needlessly.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“I told you so.”</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>This is
number one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is the first thing I
thought of while making this list, and is probably the most useless thing that
someone can say.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Obviously said after
you’ve told someone some particular piece of advice, which they didn’t
follow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or predicting something would
happen, but the other person didn’t believe you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then, whatever you said happened to come
true.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So you point out this reminder to
the other person that this wasn’t surprising, and it could have been avoided,
if they just listened to you.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>What
makes this useless is the fact that doesn’t fix or help anything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Reminding someone that “you were right”,
doesn’t do anything more than to feed your own ego.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now, you have “one-up” on them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You were smart, they were dumb.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even if you think, “Oh, that’s not how I
intend it”… doesn’t matter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s what
is heard, that’s what is communicated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
doesn’t help.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
other person already knows, quite clearly, what they were told.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since they just failed spectacularly at
whatever was going on, they are already feeling horrible about that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, saying this is just piling it on,
needlessly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t contribute to their
misery, help them out by finding a solution.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Truth
is, that person did exactly what they were supposed to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They looked at their situation, they heard
your advice, and then (here’s the key) used their own judgment to evaluate
things, and then make their ultimate decision.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That’s what adults do, that’s what we should all be doing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe they rejected your advice, and yes,
they failed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Humans do that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have failures, we make mistakes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s going to happen many times in our lives.
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Possibly, the next situation that comes
around, the person may think, “hey… they were right about the last time, maybe
I’ll take their advice this time.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>But
ironically, if you said, “I told you so” at any point during the “last time”,
then there’s actually less of a chance of that happening.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because we don’t want assholes in our life to
be right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We want to prove them
wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, when you act like an asshole,
and pile on the extra embarrassment, needlessly, then we are less likely to
follow your future advice… almost solely out of a sense of rebellion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hoping and trying for the possibility that
you are wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Rest
assured, you will be wrong at some point.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You will give advice that doesn’t pan out, and then you sure as hell
won’t be saying, “I told you so.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’ll
be hoping that THEY don’t say it to you.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“Not all men are like that.”</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>This is
something that comes up a lot in modern discussions about feminism.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>99% of the time, it’s a guy who’s saying
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Usually in response to a statement
that sounds like a not-flattering generalization about the male gender.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Hey… not all men are like that!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah, look… we KNOW that not all men are like
that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No one said that it applies to
every single male on the planet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even
for the statements that do sound like they are encompassing everyone, like…
“Men are jerks!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Every guy is a
cheater!”, etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Consider this… YOU
clearly know that generalizations aren’t good, or correct.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That seems like an obvious thing, right?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then be hip enough to think that THEY know that
as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So even if it sounds like they
say “every guy” is something or other… understand that they don’t truly think
that every single male in this world, including their fathers, brothers, old
friends, gay co-workers, or whatever is exactly like that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Generalizations are made out of frustration…
so just let them vent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>When
you say, “Not all men are like that”, you’re really just trying to say, “I’M
not like that!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s trying to make it
about yourself… and chances are, the issue at hand has nothing to do with you,
and it’s not even your business.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re
not actually standing up for anyone, here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You really want to get across the point that “not all men are like that”?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then *show* them you’re not like that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because when you try to “tell” them… it shows
that you probably are.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“Calm down.”</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Probably
the fastest way to get someone to go completely ballistic, frankly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is an area of <a href="http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/12/tone-policing-and-privilege/" target="_blank">“tone policing”</a>, a
silencing tactic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In situations where
someone is angry about something, to tell them to “calm down” is really just
telling them you don’t want to listen to them be so passionate, because it’s
uncomfortable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s understandable you
don’t want to be yelled at, but it tries to invalidate the other person’s emotions
at that moment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If someone is that angry
and frustrated at something… the fact that they are angry and frustrated is
central to that issue they’re talking about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The fact that it makes them “not calm” is important.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe you shouldn’t be comfortable right now,
because otherwise, how will you understand what the not-calm person is going
through?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Let
them vent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t care if your work or
social position isn’t used to that kind of treatment, if you truly want the
person to calm down, then they need to get out that built up energy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But also pay attention to what they’re
saying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just because it’s not being said
calmly, doesn’t mean the message is invalid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Plus, when the other person starts feeling like they are truly being
listened to… then they actually have an easier time calming down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because they don’t feel like they have to
fight to be understood, or be heard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If
they are assured that their anger, frustration, fear, or sadness is valid… you
will get their trust and appreciation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And people tend to be calm around folks they trust and appreciate.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“No offense, but…”</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Suggested
from a friend of mine… often said right before something offensive is
said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just don’t.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“I’m telling you this for your own good…”</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>This
one came from one of my favorite authors, Neil Gaiman, who was kind enough to
respond to me on Tumblr with this contribution.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He wrote, “In my experience, someone who says, ‘I’m telling you this for
your own good’… isn’t.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Makes sense to
me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“I’m just being honest”</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>This
one also came from Tumblr, from adult actress <a href="http://dianaprincexxx.tumblr.com/" target="_blank">Diana Prince</a> (who’s blog is
wonderfully geeky, and not reflective of her day-job, so it’s SFW… I think so,
at least).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I agree with it… it’s often
said so someone can feel like they’re excused for saying something cruel and
useless for no reason.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here’s another well-said
source that refers to it as “<a href="http://geekxgirls.com/article.php?ID=3161" target="_blank">Liar, Liar Honesty</a>”.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“I’m not [racist/sexist/etc], but…”</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Always
said right before something racist/sexist/etc is said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A surefire sign that you should stop talking,
right there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As a variation, I’ve heard
from my own family, “I don’t mean to sound cruel, but…” Then don’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just don’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s remarkably easy to not sound cruel.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“It was just a joke.”</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>One
that clearly wasn’t funny.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you have
to clarify this in a conversation, maybe you should take a look at your sense
of humor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Often, it’s never “just a
joke” anyway.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“Just to play Devil’s Advocate…”</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Another
from a Tumblr contributor, and I’m slightly torn on it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, in everyday conversation it’s a complete
douchebag move to do this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Especially if
you ever say, “Oh, I just like a good debate” (because only assholes go looking
to have an argument with people, on purpose, without actually caring about discovering
truth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These “debaters” only care about
winning, because it’s a hobby.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>But as
a teacher… I do find it’s a pretty good teaching technique for discussions,
especially on artistic subjects.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Whatever position a student displays, take the opposing view, to force
them to look from another angle, or more clearly support their own
opinions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(In Art, there’s no right or
wrong answer, just opinions that are either supported or unsupported) I never
*say*, “just to play Devil’s Advocate”, I just do it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since we stick to opinions, and not social
issues or feelings… I think that gets a pass.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“With all due respect…”</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>This one
actually sounds like it’d be okay… but it tends to be a signal that something
disrespectful is coming.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“You can choose to not let it get to you.” </i></b>Or <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“You
let them bother you.”</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>This
one, I think is particularly damaging.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It kind of shifts blame to the person it’s being said to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, the person who did that assholish thing
isn’t to blame… it’s *my* fault because I’m the one upset?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah, that’s horrible.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Here’s
a newsflash… we don’t “let” people bother us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We don’t “allow” other people to hurt us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But they do it anyway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We can’t magically flip a switch in our brain
that makes what they say or do any less hurtful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But no one ever wants to say to the perpetrator,
“Hey, stop being an asshole.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
shouldn’t be so sensitive, then?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fuck
you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s not something I’m going to
apologize for, and no one should ever apologize for actually feeling something.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being too sensitive is better than being too
numb.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“Just get over it.”</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>A very
useless statement that does absolutely nothing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If someone is bothered by something… they can’t “just get over it”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If they could, they would have by now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When you say this, it’s only because you don’t
want to hear this person vent, process, or do whatever they need to in an
attempt to get over whatever it is they’re trying to get over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You might hear, “Okay”, but no one is
instantly healed by it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All that happens
is they learn to not tell you what’s bothering them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It drives a wedge in relationships, that’s
all.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>If you’re
truly interested in helping them “get over it”, then try to dig down and figure
out exactly why it’s bothering them so much in the first place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once you know that, you can actually help
them to truly get passed it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But that
takes a bit more work, admittedly.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“I’m sorry you feel that way.”</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Oh, so
you’re not actually sorry for the infraction you caused… you’re “sorry” that
the other person is upset about it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s
not actually an apology.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like the “you
let it bother you”, this is simply shifting the blame to the other person, and
not taking responsibility that what you did or said could have been construed
as hurtful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe you don’t want to
apologize because you know that your intentions were good, and they’re just
misinterpreting it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Few things about
that… 1) Intentions are irrelevant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All
that matters is impact.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Saying something
hurtful, even when you don’t “mean” it to be hurtful… doesn’t change that you
said something hurtful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>2) Maybe it’s
not that they’re “misinterpreting”… but maybe you’re not as clear and
articulate as you think you are.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“They’re just looking for attention / …fishing for compliments.”</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>This
one confuses me… so, why not give them a compliment?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Give them some (positive) attention?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If the individual is clearly showing you what
they need from you, in that moment… and especially if it only takes a quick
second to fulfill their needs, why not?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What is so hard about giving a compliment, or showing a little attention?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Especially if it’s someone you claim to care
about?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“Don’t be selfish.”</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>This usually
only ever seems to be said by people who are mad because you’re not doing what
THEY want you to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which is kind of
ironic, as they’re acting quite selfish themselves in that moment… but they’re
trying to make you feel guilty, all the same.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This just seems like manipulation to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I can see it being said to kids, if you’re trying to get them to play
nice with others… but saying it in response because they’re defying YOU… that’s
just plain manipulation.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“If you loved me...”</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Another
form of pure manipulation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“If you loved
me, you’d do…” or “you’d want this for me” or “you wouldn’t do that”, etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You know what I’m talking about with
this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re qualifying someone’s love
for you, and making them feel like they’re being tested.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Well, if the way to prove my love is to do
something I don’t want to…” or “let them do something completely damaging/stupid/dangerous”,
etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s a recipe for abuse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And frankly, it can be more than a bit
rapey.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How many young people, who were
not emotionally ready for it, lost their virginity because a sentence started
with those words?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“If you
loved me…”, hey, if you loved ME, you wouldn’t put me in that awkward position
in the first place.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>This
one was a late addition… because I didn’t even think of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At first, I was knocking myself for not realizing
it sooner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But a good friend pointed out
that it’s probably because I’m not the kind of person that would ever actually
say it to someone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I really hope they’re
right.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>But
that’s my current list.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was given
other suggestions, but some were really variations on one of these, or I couldn’t
quite articulate what was so wrong with it in the first place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Still, I’m always looking for suggestions to
this list.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, if you think of any… pop
them in the comments below.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Thanks
for reading.</div>
V. Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17784637105545220269noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34511226.post-91479217989401588612013-01-09T13:46:00.001-05:002013-01-09T13:50:20.453-05:00Resolution for New Year: No More “Mr. Nice”<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve made a New Year’s Resolution for 2013:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will no longer try to be “Nice”.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, I’ve spent my entire life actively trying to be
nice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Honestly… I don’t even know
why.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I look at how I was raised, and the
schools I went to… and I have no clue where I even got the inspiration to want
to be nice in the first place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sure, we
always “heard” that we had to “be nice”, but the actions I witnessed always
seemed to tell the exact opposite.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Any
small courtesy I tried to show people wasn’t usually returned with the
same.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Usually… it just became an
advertisement of being a target for bullies. (I honestly cringe at the thought
of what would have happened if there was Facebook around when I was in High
School.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My four years of High School… I
don’t know if there was anything that “being nice” got me, except
embarrassment, pain and rejection.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why
didn’t I change?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The only thing I can think of is that the trifecta of <i>The
Muppets</i>, <i>Fraggle Rock</i>, and <i>Charlie Brown</i> must have had an
overly-profound impact on me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You may be
laughing, but I’d say there’s a 94% chance that’s a non-exaggerated truth.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In <i>The Muppet Show</i>, I saw characters who were always
trying… and usually failing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Gonzo with
his acts of <s>insanity</s> artistic genius, but never fully <s>working</s>
being appreciated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fozzie with his
horrible jokes, and constantly being heckled and insulted by those two old A-holes
Statler and Waldorf (Yes, they’re lovable coots… but they were still
A-holes).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Miss Piggy, with her grand diva-ness,
making a grand entrance… and suddenly grandly tripping down the stairs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kermit trying to keep everything together and
running smoothly… and it inevitably gets out of hand and becomes a
disaster.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But amidst it all, they were
silly, they had fun, and were always there for each other, trying to make a
great show.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In that backstage world… No
one hated each other, no one was overly cruel… and if they accidentally were
mean, they apologized sincerely, and with meaningful gestures (usually a sweet
song).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Fraggle Rock</i> was even more so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All of the Fraggles were nice to each other…
that was simply “their way”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They got
mad, frustrated, and all of that… but they were always there for each other and
treated everyone well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even if they were
afraid of them… even if they had every reason to hate something, should that
something be in trouble, they would still help.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Not wanting anything in return… doing it because they loved to help and
liked being nice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s a beautiful
thing.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(It’s not a coincidence that both are Jim Henson
projects.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel strongly similar about all
of his projects, and am an eternal fan.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
With Charlie Brown, I felt like I found a kindred
spirit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He always fails, but more
importantly, he keeps trying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No matter
how much he’s bullied and berated by the others… he’s always nice and courteous
to them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He did no wrong by anyone, yet
they called him Wishy-Washy for it, and adults gave him rocks on Halloween for
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Seriously… who the bloody hell
would give a child ROCKS on Halloween?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What kind of a sociopathic neighborhood did
he live in?)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Come to think of it… maybe
Charlie Brown is the opposite argument for those very reasons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“If you be nice to everyone, they’ll make
your life miserable.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Somehow, I got the
“be nice” message.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yet, it still never paid off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When the other kids see my Charlie-Brown like
actions, they’d ask, “Why do you do that stuff?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I say, “Just trying to be nice.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then, it was inevitably met with “Nice Guys
Finish Last.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Those words have been drilled into me time and time again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I *know* it rings true all too
often.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve seen it, experienced it, and
been consistently frustrated by it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
the weird thing is… I was okay with it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Having been on the receiving end of people being A-holes,
I’ve told myself several times, “I do not ever want to make someone else feel
this way.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because I knew how horrible
it was, and I could never think of intentionally inflicting that onto
another.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was never one to feel better
with the role-reversal or revenge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe
its empathy, maybe its guilt, I don’t know.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But being nice… DID make me feel good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know, its cliché, and seems like something
in a badly-written kindergarten after-school special.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I genuinely felt some warm fuzzies by
performing an act of niceness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It wasn’t
because “Jeebus told me to”, or because “Karma will pay me back later”, and
especially not because “This person can benefit me later.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All of those… I don’t think are very good
reasons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If Jeebus told you to do
something… It doesn’t sound like you could be trusted to do it on your
own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you think Karma will pay you
back… that seems a bit like a selfish reason.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You’re only doing something because you think you’ll be benefited
later.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you didn’t believe in Karma,
would the other person be crap-outta-luck?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That’s doubly so with the last one… you’re expecting to benefit later,
but just admitting it up front.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well, I’m not religious in any way… and I don’t believe in
Karma, either.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I always thought that the
niceness wasn’t a means to an end… it was an end itself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because of that, I even attested that my
niceness was, technically, selfish.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
like feeling good… being nice makes me feel good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So to feel good, I’m nice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With Karma, it’s an extra step.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I’m doing something nice, so later something
nice will be done to me… and I’ll feel good.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>My way was more efficient, frankly.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So I did all the “little things”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Giving up my seat on a train or bus for
someone else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(The elderly, a pregnant
woman, even a non-pregnant woman, or someone that just looked too dang tired),
opening doors for others, picking things up for people that they’ve dropped…
and I just called those things “Common Courtesy”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Little things that everyone should be doing,
and cost next-to-no effort.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then, I looked out for the bigger things… the things that
you have to go legitimately “out-of-your-way” to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The things people <u>ask</u> you to do… walk
them home, run an errand for them, help move, etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Chances are, if you’re asking me to do
something like that, we’re friends… and I would do absolutely anything for my
friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I’ve been asked of things
like that by people who weren’t really “friends”… but I did it anyway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Honestly… because they needed it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The pleasure I got from being “nice” was actually secondary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was no longer thinking “this will make me
feel good”… but rather, “They need help?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m there.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My own convenience
and pleasure became an afterthought.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>(That’s partly why I think I’ve got a bit of a “superhero complex”.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, I’ve still made all the cliché complaints:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Women don’t want a nice guy, they only want
the A-holes.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Oh, no… I’ve been
friendzoned!”, “Everyone says they want a guy like me, but they don’t want
*me*!”, and of course, “Why do they complain there are no nice guys, when I’m
right here!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I admit, these are just statements of frustration about my
horrible luck.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ultimately, if a woman
doesn’t want to go out with me… then she doesn’t have to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s her choice, not a pattern of abused
thinking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Granted, I wish some of them
would *tell* me that instead of just not returning my phone calls… but I
digress.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve never been able to get
actually angry about it… only sad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(The
one type of Love I know the most about is the Unrequited kind.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because I know it really is “Luck”… and with
my introverted personality, it can be a touch more difficult to really connect
with someone in a romantic way early on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So, I lick my wounds, feel bad for myself, question my masculinity,
spout a few of the cliché complaints to let off steam, and in about a week or
so, I’m back to normal, giggling incessantly at <i>The Muppet Show</i>. (You
have your rejection-recovery system… I have mine.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>(By the way… a word about the “friendzone”:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No, it’s not inherently a “bad thing” to be “just
a friend”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But keep in mind, if we meet,
have a date, and you decide you just want to be friends… that is basically
starting a friendship on a rejection.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And as I am someone who is *extremely* careful about the friendships I
do cultivate, that’s not exactly a comfortable way to start, especially if I
was getting my hopes up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Please realize
that’s probably not going to happen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nobody’s
fault… it just happens that way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If
we’re already friends for a good period beforehand, try it, and it doesn’t
work… then maintaining the friendship afterwards is easier… I just need a
little time to lick my wounds, feel bad, question my blah blah, etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Okay?)</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Through all the (numerous) rejections in my time, I’ve still
tried to maintain the “nice” part of me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But you know… I never really liked saying the word.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Something about declaring myself as a “nice
guy” always felt a little fake. I’ve done it on occasion, but it never sat
right in my craw.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a bit like a knighthood…
you can’t declare yourself a knight and put “Sir” in front of your name.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Someone else has to call you that.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yet at the same time… I got a little competitive over
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I figured, “if I was going to be
rejected over being “Nice” (socially and romantically), so be it… that’s who I
am, reality be darned.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, I buckled in
and wanted to embrace it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But then I
start hearing murmurings of some other guy… another “nice” guy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Women that I had crushes on gave him high
recognition as a “nice guy”, talked glowingly about him… and then say the
dreaded sentence:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“He’s the <u>nicest</u>
guy in the world!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That… has always been a red flag to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I admit… there’s a good chance it’s
jealousy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But when I’ve gone out of my
way, throughout my whole life, to try and be “nice”, and always do the right
thing… hearing of someone that has apparently beaten me at the “Nice Guy
Olympics” (Because that statement is an absolute… there can’t be 2 “nicest guy”
winners) is… well, a bit jarring.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Especially, if he is seemingly being celebrated for that which I was
always rejected for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now, sure… the
statement was maybe a bit of hyperbole, and I don’t know if anyone was saying
that about me to other people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But for
probably the only time in my life… I actually felt competitive about this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I finally got to meet this mystery “nice
guy”, it was always with a very critical eye.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Most of the time I came up with the conclusion, “He’s not that
nice.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oftentimes… I thought they were
A-holes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe a couple of those were
unfounded, and spurned by jealousy… but mostly, I would see genuine evidence of
A-holishosity (Yes, that’s a word.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now.).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It actually drove me a little nuts to think
that THIS individual is seen as “nicer” than me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A friend of mine in Grad
School once told me of a survey he
read about something like this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(I don’t
know the source, so as far as I know, this is not much better than anecdotal,
but anyway…)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some sociology class set-up
an experiment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They brought in people to
give responses, and had them meet up to 4 different kinds of people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The first was someone who was nice and
pleasant for the entire interaction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Second was someone who was a Jerk for the entire interaction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Third was someone who started off as a Jerk,
but then became nice during the interaction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And finally, was someone who started off as Nice, but then became a
jerk.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
According to the findings of this survey… they found that
the individuals who started off as a jerk, and became nice were perceived as
then being MORE nice than the people who were nice the whole time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Likewise, those who started off as nice and
became a Jerk, were then seen as a BIGGER Jerk than the Jerk who was a Jerk the
whole time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That concept blew my
mind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was the first time I actually
said to myself, “Have I *really* been doing it wrong this whole time?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is that why Assholes are seen as Nice people?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What the hell????</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, believe me… I see the irony here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The very fact of getting jealous and a raised
ire do not seem to be traits of a “Legitimate Nice-Guy”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, guess what?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Niceness is not a benchmark of Perfection.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have always tried to be nice, but I also try to be aware
of my mistakes and flaws.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In no way have
I tried to be perfect.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are a
couple of times; I’ve been the one to do the rejecting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve neglected to follow-up on what could
have been a good thing with someone, and in doing so, did not show the respect
to that someone who should have received it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’ve had a few times where I willingly let my ego get in the way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve said mean things that I haven’t
regretted, and I’ve even had to purposefully turn on the “A-hole” switch a
couple times in life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(I never liked
doing it… and I hated myself afterwards, but at the time, I determined it had
to be done.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know I can’t please
everybody all the time, and on rare occasions, you need to make people hate
you.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Maybe that will be easier now.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And maybe you’re saying, “Wait, if you genuinely enjoyed the
experience of helping people, of being courteous and all that… why stop being
Nice?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hey, I didn’t say I was planning to become an Asshole.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t even *want* to change anything about
my personality right now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve just been
thinking a lot lately, and in my reflections, I’m seeing a none-to-pleasant
trend:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The large majority of “Nice Guys” are total douchebags.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t just mean the ones I had experience with in the
past.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s a website on Tumblr called
“Nice Guys of OkCupid”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(It seems to be
down as of this writing, but a quick Google search will pop up several articles
and examples talking about it.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It has
their picture, the part on their profile where they talk about being a “Nice
Guy”, and a selection of some of the “Match Questions” and their answers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s the “Match Question” part where most of
them reveal they are not exactly “nice”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Rather, they are a bit misogynist, homophobic, racist or even a
potential rapist.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One of the questions is a statement: <i>“No means NO!”</i>,
and the answers to select from are degrees of agreement or disagreement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So when some “Nice Guy” answers, <i>“A No is
just a Yes that needs a little encouragement”</i>, suddenly the bile starts to
rise in my throat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Same happens when an
inordinate number of them answer <i>“Yes” </i>to the question <i>“Do you feel
there are any circumstances in which a person is obligated to have sex with
you?”</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, I do take some solace in the fact, that my own answers
to those questions have already been answered… and they are all widely
different than these tools.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess I
just took it for granted, thinking that it was shockingly obvious that no one
ever “owes” me sex.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(I wouldn’t even
want it if it’s only being offered out of obligation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What fun is that?)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I realized… THESE are the people that share the label I’ve
been trying for my whole life?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Seriously?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I got depressed,
because technically, these guys are “my peers”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>No thank you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not anymore… I’m
seceding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m getting rid of the “Nice
Guy” label.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
First part to go… the “Guy” part.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know about you, but I feel like
there’s a distinct difference between “Guy” and “Man”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think “Guy” implies something more of a
college-aged mentality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With
bikini-calendars, and posters covering the walls.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Neither of which I’ve had since I was in
Undergrad in the late 90s.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>During
calendar- shopping season, I’ve on occasion considered, “Maybe I’ll get one of those
with the pretty ladies this year…” but quickly switch to, “Nah… I’m long over
that.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The prospect of a cool
travel-themed one just seems more entertaining to me to look at every day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Besides, air-brushed models aren’t as
attractive to me anymore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Reality is
sexier.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As for posters… I don’t think
I’ve had one on a wall since before my first apartment in California.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Any picture on my wall is in a frame.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Man” sounds more mature, and that’s appealing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe it’s an “alpha” kind of idea… but
growing up, I always thought about the “Man I want to be”, not “The Guy I’ll
probably end up”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And yes, even though I
read comics, quote from <b><i>The Muppets</i></b> and <b><i>Monty Python</i></b>,
and squee when I watch a new <b><i>Doctor Who</i></b> episode… I do try to
think of myself as a somewhat mature(ish) “Man”.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, it’s “Man” over “Guy”… and I certainly don’t want to be
an asshole.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Therefore, instead of being
a “Nice Man”… I think I’ll just try to be a Good one.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I like the term “Good Man”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>A Good Man implies having a sense of honor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A Good Man may not always do the nice and
pleasant thing… but will always try to do the “Right” thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Won’t always succeed… but will at least
try.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(And the “Right” thing is rarely
the Nice, Happy thing.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s something
I wouldn’t mind seeing on my tombstone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“Here lies a Good Man.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I really think about it… maybe that’s what I’ve been
shooting for all along.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being “fair” has
always been important to me; If I had a choice of being really nice to one
person (which meant screwing over someone else), or being “fair” to both, with
not particularly nice to either… I tended to go with “fair”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt like that was the better long-term
solution.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The times I’ve had to turn on
the “Asshole Switch”… I did it because I was trying to be fair.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So that’s what I’m doing, trying to be the Man I want to
be:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A Good Man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe I’m there already, but that’s not my
call to make.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope I never stop
striving for it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yes, this does mean that I’m not actually changing anything
about my personality… I’m just changing the terminology I use.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Frankly, I think that’s a much easier New
Year’s Resolution to make… and those are my favorite.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Nice guys may finish last… but a Good Man doesn’t need to
make it a race.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Happy New Year, everyone!</div>
V. Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17784637105545220269noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34511226.post-33690549260032204802012-05-18T13:00:00.001-04:002012-05-22T00:27:17.177-04:00How To Tell a Stranger They're Beautiful<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sure, it sounds easy.
Just head on up and say, “Hey there, angel-eyes, is it legal to look
that good?” Splash on some cologne, show
off the guns and show a little chutzpah, right?
Nay! Guess what? That’s the road to becoming “That Guy”. In this context, “That Guy” means
“Douchebag”, you Douchebag. Take your
unjustified self-confidence and get the hell off of my blog! (And shave that pencil-thin chin-outline you
call a beard, you look lame. By the way,
that tattoo of barbed wire on your arm isn’t “tough-looking”, it says “I’m a
bottom”. )</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They gone? Good. I hate those a-holes.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Where was I? Oh
yeah. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It really isn’t that easy.
Especially to those of us that don’t have all that douchebag-level of
self-confidence. Plus, if you do just go
for broke and say it, you’re not taking into account a number of issues that
need to be addressed. (Trust me, this
crap can get complicated.) Luckily for you, I’ve gone and done most of the
over-thinking needed. (Don’t thank me, just doing my vastly underpaid job.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
First important issue:
Motivation.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Why have you elected to do this? This is a much more important issue than you
may think, because it is also contains a hidden danger. If you’re doing it to “impress”, or “get
digits”, than that is the campaign trail to be President-Elect of
Douchebag-aria and why the hell are you still reading this, I told you to
SCRAM! Douchebag!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yes, doing this as a pick-up line is a hidden danger. Because it’s not supposed to be a pick-up
line… it’s supposed to be a compliment.
A simple, sincere compliment.(Emphasis on “Sincere”.) If you’re doing
this to get in someone’s good graces as an effort to eventually get them naked
(or ask them for money, or a recipe, or whatever)… then it immediately becomes
“You’re <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">only</i> saying this because you
want something.” Even if you honestly do
believe them to be beautiful, the fact of you trying to take it further
suddenly makes it sound like complete bullshit. Something that is merely: A means
to an end.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is not supposed to be a means to an end. It’s supposed to be an end in itself. You follow me on this? Hear what I’m talking about? I’m saying that this is something to which
you will receive no reward. Not even as
a long-term plan. Your return-on-investment
on this is NOTHING.
Zero. Nada. Zilch. A big bowl of
“Nut ‘n Honey”, and I’m not talking about the breakfast cereal.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sincerity is the name of the game here folks. Like what Linus looks for in a Pumpkin-Patch,
there needs to be “Sincerity as far as the eye can see.” Without it, you’re on the way to becoming the
Douchebag (justified or not… just being seen as a Douchebag isn’t a good
thing). </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sure, maybe you’re not a douchebag, but still consider
yourself one of those “I don’t care what others think” kind of people. “So, if they think I’m a douchebag, so what?”
Well, for one, that attitude’s getting dangerously close to actually <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">being</i> a douchebag, so I’d start
re-thinking some life choices, if I were you.
(Just sayin’) Second of all, your
target’s perception of the situation… is part of the POINT of this
exercise. Here, you have to care what
the other person, a complete stranger, thinks at that moment where you say
it. Otherwise: Mission fail, even if you think it didn’t.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Okay, so why does it have to be a stranger? What’s wrong with saying it to a friend, or
even just someone you know? Again,
sincerity can be a factor. A compliment
like that, even if meant 100%, can be taken with a, “Oh, they’re only just
saying that because they’re my friend.”
Or you could get, “Wait a minute, is this person trying to make a
move? I hope they know I only want to be
friends, but now it’s all awkward!” Now
granted, it might work out totally in your favor… and there’s nothing wrong
with telling your friends that you think they’re beautiful… I’m just
saying: You’re on your own, but good
luck.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well, my motivation comes down to two things: One, when reading <a href="http://www.postsecret.com/"><span style="color: #1f497d;">PostSecret</span></a>,
or browsing around on Tumblr, or elsewhere around the internet where strangers
find the freedom to express themselves anonymously… I occasionally see a wish
posted that says, “I wish a stranger would tell me I’m beautiful.” I thought… why a stranger? Well, if a stranger approaches you to say
that they are honestly attracted to you physically, then the “beautiful” part
starts out honestly. But if they’re
STILL a stranger afterwards, not asking for anything… then it confirms that the
only motivation was a true and honest opinion… that you are in fact,
beautiful. There’s a lovely romance in
that wish. And it’s one that I can have
the ability grant to others. (Even
sometimes make that wish for myself… even though<span style="color: #1f497d;">
<a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2010/03/romance-vs-intimacy-eternal-battle.html">I don’t consider myself much of a “romantic”</a></span>.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Secondly… there are some people that I think really deserve
to hear it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Second important issue:
Location</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You do have to pick your location fairly carefully. You don’t want to do it in an obvious
place. Doing it in a bar or nightclub…
why bother? First of all, it’s hard to
hear (which affects later issues)… and for another thing, people that go there
are usually all dolled up to the nines TRYING to look like that. So if that compliment comes, it still going
to have the element of “Oh, they’re just saying that because I’m showing all
this skin”. But wouldn’t that compliment
mean a little more if you heard it while wearing jeans and a t-shirt, coming
out of the post-office, showing no skin and even wearing minimal make-up? One location is where people are fishing for
those kinds of compliments, and the other is where it’s totally unexpected. Ironically enough, it’ll be more appreciated
in the location where it’s a surprise, believe me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve done this a few times at my gym. Which is a risky location, I know. Because people there are “trying” to look
good (in a long-term sense), while maybe not necessarily looking
“club/bar-level good” at that moment.
Also, you may still see the individual after the compliment is
given. But with the nature of the gym,
you can still remain strangers with just about everyone. Just as long as you’re careful and selective,
so you don’t become seen as another “That Guy”.
(In this case, “That Guy That Tries To Pick Up Chicks At The Gym”. Too many in too short a time, and that’s who
you are.) But on the plus side, you can do a bit more pre-observation on the
target, so as to make a slightly more informed choice on whether or not the
individual is worthy of receiving said compliment.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Which brings me to the third issue: Selection.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> have</i> to be
selective. You can’t say it to just
every pretty face in the joint, eventually making your way to everyone over a
period of time. I don’t care if you
think you’re freaking Rudolph Valentino and say “Every woman is beautiful!”…
that doesn’t make you a lothario, that makes you a horndog with low
standards. (And if Rudolph Valentino was
really that great, don’t you think the other reindeer would have asked him to
join their reindeer games?) Certainly,
there is merit to the statement “Every woman is beautiful”; Every individual woman
is going to be considered beautiful to some other individual. In my first apartment in California, I shared
a kitchen with a 400-lb. woman. She was
a sweet soul and all, but not physically attractive to my eyes (especially
after seeing her eat 3 packs of Ramen Noodles in one meal). I hope she found someone that sees her as
beautiful… but I’m okay in admitting I’m not one of those guys.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, even if you’re like me, and believe that Beauty does
come in many shapes and sizes, you still have to draw the line somewhere.You’ll
still have a decent-sized pool to choose from.
Now, you have to start narrowing it down, to find the one that you
believe really deserves to hear it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, from here on the selection process involves making
possible assumptions about people based on looks alone. No, that’s not 100% respectable, I
understand. If a lawyer pointed that out
in court, I’d sound like a <span style="color: #4f81bd;"><a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2008/06/sexual-hisassment.html">sexually-harassing</a> </span>a-hole. In fact, saying it here could be evidence for
ME being a douchebag. That’s a risk I
have to run. But the pool has to be
narrowed down somehow; otherwise, again, it means nothing.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Okay, first thing I do is eliminate the <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2008/07/adjective-grudge-match-hot-vs-beautiful.html" style="color: blue;">“Hot”</a> girls.
I mean the ones that are stereotypically “Hot”. They subscribe to the media-barrage standards
of what “Hot” is. Look at the way they
carry themselves. You can usually tell
by looking at someone if they have the “I’m Hot and I know it” attitude. I’m not saying look for the ones that have
low-self-esteem… just eliminate the ones that have maybe too-high of
self-esteem. They obviously don’t need
the boost, and the compliment would probably be wasted on them, anyway.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the gym, it’s a touch easier to spot them, because every
muscled jackhole is trying to flirt with them.
Now, me being an introvert, I’m a bit of a people-watcher, so I
occasionally notice things like that as I’m going from exercise to
exercise. I don’t think the Gym is a
place for socializing; it’s for getting work done, and getting healthy. So the flirters tend to stick out. The meathead guys usually go for the
stereotypical “Hot” women, because they think the amount they can bench-press
deserves the lady’s attention. And the
gals being flirted with have most likely heard it all before. For them, they might not even make the
differentiation between “Hot” and “Beautiful”, so it all sounds the same to
them. So, it’s probably a wasted effort
on our part, and even more a likely chance they’d think “Ugh, what a creep-o.”
(Unless I had a six-pack stomach and Calvin Klein-underwear model looks, then
they’d probably respond favorably. Hey,
there are shallow women, too.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So the stereotypical Hot ones… out. Sorry, that’s the way it goes.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ideally, what you want, is someone who is beautiful… but
maybe isn’t told so very often. Which is
a pretty big category, sadly. Maybe it’s
more accurate to say: Someone beautiful…
who considers themselves “average-looking”, and is okay with that. Or even that believes “The <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">right person</i> will think I’m
beautiful.” (Acknowledging that not
everyone will) Well, even if I’m not the right person… I can see it. And I think that’s a person worth telling it
to. I think the compliment wouldn’t be
lost on someone like that.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Actually pinpointing that kind of person… is a crap shoot, I
admit. But a big part of it probably
comes down to what YOU consider to be “Beautiful”, and how that might compare
to a friend’s opinion. If you see
someone as beautiful… but think they’re probably the type some friends of yours
would say, “Eh, she’s pretty.” Or “She’s alright”. Right there, it’s obvious that you are seeing
them in a higher opinion then someone else… in which case, you’re on the right
track. Got yourself a potential
candidate there.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But don’t go jumping the gun! I see you’re about to jump on over there and
make your presence known… hold up! You can’t do it right this second! Why?
Issue #4, my friend: Timing!<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You swagger over there at this moment, you’re right back to
the “Douchebag” issue. You might as well
put on the Douchebag club pin right now!
(Hey, didn’t I kick you out of here earlier? No?
You sure? Yeah, right… I’m
watching you, Buster!)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Timing is vital on this, I really believe that. You don’t want to interrupt anything. If she’s hanging out with friends, forget
it. Even if you did manage to compliment
her, the friends will either scoff and make fun of you for trying a “pick-up”
in front of them, (cock-blocking even when you weren’t attempting to… “cock”?)
or maybe even get jealous and say, “What about me? Am I Beautiful?”… and you don’t want to be
prompted to say it out of obligation, because then it even feels like bullshit,
and deep down, they know it’s not as satisfying because you were prompted. No, you need to catch them when they’re
alone. At the gym… don’t interrupt them
in the middle of a set. That’s just
rude. And besides, you’d rather have their
full concentration, not splitting it with “what number rep am I on?” Full concentration can help with full
appreciation. So, during a workout is
very tricky. Maybe the only time you
could get away with it is when they’re wiping down the exercise machine.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But you also don’t want to do it with anyone around. Even if outsiders don’t care, for the target…
if it’s something they might find embarrassing (whether by virtue of “can’t
take a compliment” or “someone is making a fuss over me, oh no”), you want to
minimize the potential for that happening.
This should be a fairly private moment… no one else’s business. In the parking lot is a good place, where
most other people would be out of earshot, if they’re even around. (Yet, it’s not so private that she would have
to worry about her safety… you want to minimize any potential “threat” factor
for her, too.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But don’t stand and wait for her in the parking lot. Because this is the element you pretty much
should leave up to fate. IF you find yourself in a comfortable
public-yet-non-threatening-private-ish location… IF you find yourself in said
location with the target in close proximity… IF the target is not otherwise
occupied… and IF there’s no interlopers in the area, then you should be good to
go. But it can be a small window of
opportunity, that could be easy to miss.
Go about your business, and if the paths cross with the circumstances in
the right place… well, okay. But if you
two are parked on opposite sides of the parking lot… don’t go in her direction
until you get in her earshot. Make the
approach just before the actual path split.
Go a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">little</i> out of your way,
but not a lot. Going too much out of
your way… can be creepy. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yes, this does mean that it’s possible that opportunity will
never arise. It may happen. That’s okay.
Let the Grand Imaginary Powers of Coincidence do their thing, and if
those Powers are kind… you’ll have your window of opportunity to make your
approach. (Okay, you can help them along
a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">teeny</i> bit, by picking up your pace,
or slowing it a little; if it betters the chances of being at the ideal spot at
the same time. Just don’t be obvious
about it, and be prepared to abort on the slightest notice, okay?)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, we come to The Approach. The fifth issue.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Don’t go starting with a “Hey Toots.” Or a “Yo, wait up.” Forget about “Hey Girl!” And do NOT even
think about a “Howyoudoin?” Don’t go
into it with cockiness, or suaveness, or Valentino, or tough-jock
attitude. Frankly, in this instance, for
what is actually trying to be achieved…
do not step in with “confidence”.
You go in with confidence when you want something, when you’re pursuing
someone with intentions that are, in essence, selfish. (Which isn’t always a bad thing… but it’s
just not the point of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">this</i>.) Here, I’m saying go with something else. Not with the opposite of confidence, but
something a bit more towards that side of the spectrum: Humility.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A simple “Excuse me”.
Not said with a tough attitude, or a wink, or a seductive tone… but
rather with the attitude of “You would do me the honor of bequeathing 5 seconds
of your attention in my direction.”
Gentleman-like, that’s all. If
they don’t hear, or keep walking… then abort mission. The moment has passed… no harm, no foul. Just enjoy the rear view for 2 more seconds
(hey, I’m only human), and then keep on your merry way.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Chances are, you will get their attention. Then it’s the time for the truth. Just make sure it IS the truth, otherwise,
you’ve screwed this up way back at the beginning.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For me, I find myself usually introducing the
statement: “I just wanted to say…” As I think it would feel too “weirdo” for me
just to say cro-magnon-like “Ungh… you boot-ee-fall.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, I also tend to throw in a little extra something…
mainly because I’m paranoid, and I honestly want the person to be complimented
and not weirded-out. And despite all
precautions, this could still be seen as an unsettling experience. So, either just before or just after I’ll say
“I really hope you don’t feel uncomfortable by this… it’s not a pick-up or
anything…” Though, I’m usually kicking
myself afterwards for adding that. I
don’t know… maybe I’m using too much humility in there.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But, now it’s been said… bringing us to the last issue: Reaction.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is not only about the Target’s reaction… but yours as
well. For the Target… you really only
want them to be gracious. A simple smile
and thank-you… recognition and appreciation.
It’s awesome if they are genuinely moved by your sentiment… but that
won’t always happen. Anything beyond
simple “appreciation” is gravy, quite frankly.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But your reaction can also be a factor… remember: This is not a pick-up. You are not to ask anything from this
person. But if she <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">does</i> think it’s a pick-up, and rejects you, thenyou have to remain
gracious, say, “That’s okay… I just wanted to say that. Nothing more required.” Then politely excuse
yourself. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is another reason that you can’t make it a pick-up…
because a rejection <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">may</i> come. But you won’t actually feel rejected, if
you’re sincerely NOT doing it as a pick-up.
Because there’s nothing to be rejected… and the compliment still
stands. (It’s not that I’m afraid of
rejection… okay, I am, but that’s completely beside the point…) But if you compliment her, she rejects… and
you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">feel </i>rejected? What do most douchebags say?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Stupid bitch, you’re ugly anyways.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Lesbo.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Dumb whore! Screw
you!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yeah, they retaliate with an insult to save their precious
egos… and also makes the original compliment completely null and void. Good work, asshole. Now do you see why I kicked you out in the
first place? There’s nothing wrong with
letting the lady have the last word. If
they truly were worth the effort in the first place, they’ll remember you met
rejection with a sense of grace, and did not take back what you said… which
means you must have really meant it. And
they’d probably be a little humbled by that… congratulations, you’ve made them
a better person!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Even if her reaction is ideal… you still need to excuse
yourself quickly, lest the awkward-phase descend, and the sincerity of the
gesture disappears. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know I said to take out the confidence and come in with
humility… but oddly, if you do this way, you actually demonstrate a different
kind of confidence. The confidence of
honesty. Too often, the people who are
overly-confident in this world, seem to have no problem lying their ass off, to
get what they want. And those same
confident people who say they’re “just being honest” about something, are
usually saying something pretty shitty.
As a whole, we’re pretty much trained that when someone says, “Hey, I’m
just being honest here…” you know they’re going to say something you’re not
going to like. (That’s actually known as
<a href="http://fudgethatsugar.wordpress.com/2011/02/25/100-honesty/"><span style="color: #4f81bd;">“Liar Liar Honesty”</span></a>.) So here… you can actually throw them for a
bit of a loop… in a very good way. Under
the insistence of sincere, unadulterated honesty… you can actually make their
day. Which doesn’t happen nearly enough
in this world.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have recently said this to someone. It’s been a long while since I’ve last done
it, and hadn’t even considered it in that time.
(Granted, it’s not something I wake up and say, “I’m going to find
someone to compliment today”. I just try
to keep my eyes open and if the occasion occurs… great. I tend to average once every 9 months or
so.) She goes to my gym, and I started
noticing her every now and then when I was on the cardio machines. Then I realized I was noticing her more and
more. If I was on the stair-climbers in
the back of the room, and she jumped on one of the treadmills directly in the
next row up… I’d say to myself: “Cool… I
get a nice view today.” As neutral as I
was keeping my attitude, with regards to the people around me at the gym… she
seemed to stand out, by not really doing anything at all. She kept to herself… did her workout and
leave. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her
talk to anyone… just does her thing and moves on. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She has very short, brunette hair… and I don’t really know
why, but I have a semi-“thing” for short-haired brunettes. Now, short hair doesn’t work on every woman…
but those it does work on, it looks really good. And believe me… on this woman, it looks
freaking great. It suits her incredibly
well. She has an angular-face (and I
like angular faces… again, not sure why), gorgeous eyes… she looks simply
Beautiful. With a capital B. And I know I’m going on only looks alone, and
maybe it seems a bit shallow (but right now, I don’t care. Bite me.)… but if you asked me at the time,
“Of all the women in this room… which one physically looks like someone you’d
want to fall in Love with?” I’d probably
say her. This is not meant to sound
“stalkerish”… just “very admiring of her appearance”.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, I don’t know if she’s married or taken (I haven’t seen
a ring on her finger, but doesn’t mean it isn’t there… or maybe she takes it
off for her workout), I don’t know her personality, her name… heck, I don’t
even know if she’s in my age-range for dating.
She could even be Lesbian, who knows? All I know is her appearance. And she is absolutely in my definition of
Beautiful.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, I thought about it for a bit… and decided, “If the
opportunity comes around… I’ll tell her.”
Now, I don’t always see her there… for one, I don’t always go to the gym
at the same time every day. But when she
is there, I usually spot her. We never
crossed paths, but I didn’t try to facilitate that happening. (Like I said, it needs to be left to the
Grand Imaginary Powers of Coincidence.)
Then, I finished up my workout, went to the locker room, walked around
the old creepy naked dudes, got my stuff together and headed out. Walking towards the front door, I pass by the
staircase that leads down from the upstairs locker-room (the Women’s one). I see out of the corner of my eye that
someone is coming down it, probably will end up right behind me going out the
door into the foyer. So, once I go
through, I pause and hold it open for that next person (a polite habit I’m fine
with keeping). I turn my head and see
that it’s her… the Beautiful brunette.
She says, “Thanks” (for the door-holding… and a pretty voice, by the
way), and goes ahead through the outer door.
The only other person that was there just went inside as we were coming
out… so this looked like the opportunity.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It was raining a little, so she paused briefly as she
stepped outside to put up the hood on her jacket…<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Excuse me?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She turns and looks right at me, looking slightly surprised
(understandable)… this is the first actual contact I’ve ever had with this
woman.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I… hope this doesn’t make you feel at all uncomfortable,
but… I just wanted to say… I… think you’re incredibly beautiful.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(I don’t know why I put so many pauses in there… not
entirely intentional. It’s not like I
can “abort mission” anymore at that point.
I’m committed, gotta go through with it.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She smiles… (a really nice smile, too) and says, “Oh, that’s
so sweet!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Don’t worry, this isn’t meant to be a pick-up or anything…
I just… wanted to say that.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She says, “Thank you so much… that’s really sweet. Thank you.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“You’re very welcome.
You have a good evening. “</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Thank you, you too!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And we walk off to our separate cars. I didn’t look to see what she was driving
(that seems like a stalkerish detail to try and discover), just got into my car
and headed off like normal. (I was also
being rained on, and I didn’t have the rain jacket with the hood. Eh, it was worth getting wet.)<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve seen her at the gym a few times since, and we even
passed by each other a few times. Met
with eye contact, and a smile.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It appears that the mission was a complete success. She seemed genuinely appreciative of the
compliment, as I hoped she would… and the aftermath is nice, too. Doesn’t seem insulted or weirded out by me
(as she’s at least acknowledging my existence)… and maybe exchanging a smile
with me can be a nice reminder to her that yes, someone does find her sincerely
Beautiful. That’s a role I’m happy to
play, and wouldn’t want to jeopardize.
And just maybe… I granted her a wish.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
However, if SHE were to strike up a conversation with ME…
then I’d have to say all bets are off.
(I just first have to make sure she’s not married/taken/lesbian/etc…)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But that’s how I tell a stranger she’s Beautiful.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, go kick a douchebag for me.</div>V. Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17784637105545220269noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34511226.post-5287980752658849952010-11-03T12:13:00.000-04:002010-11-03T12:21:42.603-04:00And the Winner Is...For the first time, I’d like to publicly present the award for:<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-style: italic;">“Favorite Song of the Now”</span><br /></div><br />The recipient of this award must be a musical arrangement with an ability to “get stuck in one’s head”, but at the same time, also be of a high enough quality that one does not get sick of said song. It must instill the desire for repeat listening, even immediately after a previous listening occasion.<br /><br />The craft and structure of the song should demonstrate some form of thought and intelligence on the part of the songwriter. The composition should show originality and innovation. Generic dance beats need not apply.<br /><br />The specific content of the song should never be spoon-fed to its audience. It needs to be open enough to interpretation that listeners may emotionally identify with it on their own terms, and also never having one’s own theories of “what it’s about” be contradicted. And in such a case where the listener is unable to decide the meaning of the song, it should still be enjoyable for them to experience on an instinctual level.<br /><br />While a good song stands upon its own, regardless of the performer, the recipient of this award demonstrates a symbiotic harmony with its performance and performing artist. While skill is a factor, it is overshadowed by sincerity and conviction on the part of the musician(s) involved. They must demonstrate an honest connection with the material, whether it be an original song, or a “cover”, as well as be able to convey that connection to the listening audience.<br /><br />Former winners of this award include:<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">“I’m Not Over”</span></span> by Carolina Liar (previous winner)<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;">“Human”</span></span> by The Killers<br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">“My Delirium”</span></span> by Ladyhawke<br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">“Pretend We’re Dead”</span></span> by L7<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;">“Angel’s Wings”</span></span> by Social Distortion<br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">“Dream On”</span></span> by Aerosmith (repeat winner)<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;">“I Wish I Was a Nerd”</span></span> by the Attery Squash<br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">“Mad World”</span></span> performed by Gary Jules<br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">“Good Girls Go To Heaven (Bad Girls Go Everywhere)”</span></span> by Pandora’s Box<br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">“Ice Cream”</span></span> by Sarah McLaughlin<br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">“Who Will Take Your Dreams Away?”</span></span> by Marianne Faithful & Angelo Badalamenti<br /><br />Joining this esteemed company, I present the newest, and current winner:<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;">“Little Lion Man”</span></span><br />By<br />Mumford & Sons<br /></div><br />Released in 2009, this song is finally starting to receive its due airplay on radio stations around the country. The selection committee discovered this song through KROQ out of Los Angeles (via Internet Radio), and was immediately taken aback by this folk quartet out of London, England. At first, it appears so out of place amidst the stations usual genre selection of modern and hard rock, but quickly solidified its rightful position alongside.<br /><br />With its 2 main verses offering a very personal story, it smoothly and gently builds to a heartstring-pulling crescendo emphasized by its simple, yet emotionally-charged chorus that makes one feel they’ve been punched in the chest, yet at its conclusion, inspires the words, “Thank you, Sir. May I have another?”<br /><br />Even its central and unavoidable placement of the granddaddy of all <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2008/08/mother.html">curses</a>, the famed “F-Bomb”, it is neither gratuitous nor unnecessary. In a rare feat, it is truly the best word for that moment.<br /><br />Mumford & Sons have achieved in one acoustic song, more energy, power and emotion then most any other modern artist armed with the loudest amplifiers known to man.<br /><br />Thank you gentlemen, for demonstrating you don’t need an electric dial to “turn it up to 11”.<br /><br />I present to you all… my favorite song of right now. (I just hope the embed works)<br /><br /><object width="100%" height="81"><param name="movie" value="http://player.soundcloud.com/player.swf?url=http%3A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Ftracks%2F609722&g=1&color=c00014&show_comments=true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed allowscriptaccess="always" src="http://player.soundcloud.com/player.swf?url=http%3A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Ftracks%2F609722&g=1&color=c00014&show_comments=true" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="100%" height="81"></embed></object><span><a href="http://soundcloud.com/stayloose/mumford-sons-little-lion-man">Mumford & Sons // Little Lion Man</a> by <a href="http://soundcloud.com/stayloose">Stayloose</a></span>V. Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17784637105545220269noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34511226.post-61429605726762302722010-09-28T13:52:00.004-04:002010-09-28T15:52:48.091-04:00The Great Property Purge of 2010<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id="ieooui"></object> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal">I’ve got a little personal project going at the moment.<span style=""> </span>I’m trying to get rid of my crap.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">This is different then the normal “Spring Cleanings” I try to do every now and then (even when its not Spring), where I just merely re-organize some things, then maybe donate a few shirts, a really old jacket, a few VHS tapes and 2 books.<span style=""> </span>(Yes, I still have some VHS tapes.<span style=""> </span>No VCR though… but some tapes.)<span style=""> </span>No, I’ve come to the point of stepping out of Denial River and realizing that ain’t cutting it no more.<span style=""> </span>Because, frankly… I’ve got a lot of stuff.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Now, I’m not a “Hoarder” (like the ones on that depressing and disgusting TV show.<span style=""> </span>I’ve never watched the show, only the promos, and I know that’s what it would stir up in me.<span style=""> </span>No thanks.)… Nowhere NEAR that bad.<span style=""> </span>That is a huge extreme, that I have to believe is still leagues away from me.<span style=""> </span>I mean, someone who’s a bona-fide “Hoarder” saves freaking newspapers with the full intention of reading them *someday*.<span style=""> </span>Come on, it takes 3 minutes to read the funny pages, and that was when some of them were still worth reading.<span style=""> </span>(I stick to online comics now, anyway.)<span style=""> </span>Who cares about the other crap, especially when it’s outdated?<span style=""> </span>No, that extreme is one I can’t understand.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I will concede… that I’m a bit of a “Pack-Rat”.<span style=""> </span>I can throw stuff out… I just tend to be pretty selective of it.<span style=""> </span>I do like to keep things that have a small emotional or nostalgic value.<span style=""> </span>Neat little knick-knacks that I acquire from cool little stores or as little gifts from friends.<span style=""> </span>And books!<span style=""> </span>Oy vey, <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2008/06/book-me.html"><u><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">I love books</span></u></a>.<span style=""> </span>The smell of them, the act of turning the pages, the idea of being absorbed in another world.<span style=""> </span>Especially if they’re old, and hardbound… and the age is showing on the yellow hue of the pages.<span style=""> </span>It’s a romantic notion to me, and I love them.<span style=""> </span>Bookstores are a weakness for me, and I get sucked into them often for browsing… where I’ll at least be leaving with something from the bargain bin.<span style=""> </span>The large majority of these books I’ve collected over the years… are still waiting to be read.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2008/07/talk-nerdy-to-me.html"><u><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Board games</span></u></a>… I’ve mentioned in the past, that I sort of collect them.<span style=""> </span>Many of them I haven’t played… but all of them I’ve wanted to, and had the utmost intentions of doing so.<span style=""> </span>It’s just that… Life gets in the way.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I do confess I tend to keep magazines around longer then I probably should.<span style=""> </span>I had a collection of <b style=""><i style="">Maxim</i></b> magazines going for a few years… and this started in 1998 (the issue with Alyssa Milano on the cover, I saw it in a large poster ad in New York… and the horn-dog side of me said, “Must… have….”<span style=""> </span>It must have been the subliminal-mind-ray-advertising… Or her boobs.<span style=""> </span>One of those.)<span style=""> </span>But after a 3-4 year stack of issues started getting more and more annoying to move, I started ripping out the “articles” I liked and throwing away the rest, in an effort to reduce the stack.<span style=""> </span>It worked… for awhile.<span style=""> </span>But before you start thinking, “Pshaw… just another perverted male doing anything for lame bikini photos”… keep in mind that, although you’d be completely right with that statement, I had a much bigger collection of <b style=""><i style="">Men’s Health</i></b> magazines.<span style=""> </span>Those issues really did have good, useful articles… as compared to “articles”, if you catch my meaning.<span style=""> </span>Even today, I still read <b style=""><i style="">Men’s Health</i></b>, and only read the cover of <b style=""><i style="">Maxim</i></b> as I’m walking past it in the bookstore.<span style=""> </span>(Unless it has Jennifer Love Hewitt on the cover… then yes, I’ll buy it.<span style=""> </span>I may have a decent amount of willpower, but not THAT much.)<span style=""> </span>But after a certain point… I started ripping out the useful stuff in the Men’s Health issues to try and reduce the stack.<span style=""> </span>I’d even divide them into big yellow envelopes for ease of use later.<span style=""> </span>Recipes in one, fashion and grooming in another, health and fitness in another, etc.<span style=""> </span>Eventually, those too have gotten to be a little too full.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">And as someone who loves <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2008/02/what-hollywood-should-be-doing-or-are.html"><u><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">movies</span></u></a>… of course I have a hefty collection.<span style=""> </span>Been collecting DVDs for 10 years now, and my tried-and-true technique of waiting for movies to drop down to the bargain bin has given me a lucrative collection to be reckoned with.<span style=""> </span>And even though we all marveled at how “thin” the cases are (especially compared to VHS tapes, and they are)… they still add up.<span style=""> </span>I have always had a problem when it came to storing my movies and shows.<span style=""> </span>(And you’d probably be surprised with how many of them I haven’t sat down and watched yet.)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">The same went for my CDs and music.<span style=""> </span>In fact, this was the first thing I started “condensing” back in the late 90s.<span style=""> </span>I was getting ready to move to California, and knew I’d be carting as much as I could in my little SAAB and driving 3,600 miles away.<span style=""> </span>As I was also determined to spend the large majority of my time working on Grad School stuff, the idea of “minimalism” was starting to be very appealing to me.<span style=""> </span>I wasn’t even planning to bring my collection of VHS tapes (this was just before DVD came out) or a TV.<span style=""> </span>I was serious about not wanting to even have the time or opportunity to get sucked in to a show.<span style=""> </span>(Though, as an apartment-warming gift, my dad bought me a TV anyway.<span style=""> </span>Figures.)<span style=""> </span>But I couldn’t leave my tunes behind… that’s my SOUL, dammit!<span style=""> </span>But I sure didn’t want to cart all those discs.<span style=""> </span>So… I acquired 2 of those large disc-folders, the ones that held about 100 CDs at a time, and filled them up, and put the empty plastic cases in storage, along with everything else I didn’t want to take to California.<span style=""> </span>I even condensed several discs (ones that only had 1 or 2 songs on them that I liked) into mix CDs to save more slots.<span style=""> </span>I even had plenty of room left over in them for when I would acquire new music as well.<span style=""> </span>I still have and use those folders for all music CDs.<span style=""> </span>I even eventually tossed out the empty plastic cases (but kept the inserts and booklets), as I’ve found the folder method too convenient.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I even keep some old shirts and clothes, fully aware that I’ll never wear (or even WANT to wear) again.<span style=""> </span>Such as:</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;">-My old Cub Scout uniform from when I was 10.<span style=""> </span>I made it to Webelos rank, and got the little sleeve pin-tassel-things that you use to pin the merit badges/pins onto… but my family moved before I ever got to earn any, so it’s bare to this day.<span style=""> </span>(Something tells me this won’t fit me, but I haven’t tried, so I can’t say for sure.)</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;">-The black long-sleeved shirt from Senior Year in high school… with the large numbers “93” on the back and the names of every member of the graduating class inscribed therein.<span style=""> </span>I freaking HATED high school, have managed to successfully block out many of the memories… but I’ve kept that shirt.<span style=""> </span>I don’t know why… and I only wore it twice, if that.<span style=""> </span>(You can’t really wear that around in college or beyond without looking like a total toolbox.<span style=""> </span>“Dude, you’re not in High School anymore… move on.”)</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;">-The blue vest I was given when I worked at Wal-Mart for a summer (and never gave back).<span style=""> </span>I don’t think they even wear that style anymore, so I couldn’t even infiltrate them anymore.<span style=""> </span>(Well, maybe… I should look into that…)</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;">-An apron, and embroidered polo shirt from the first restaurant I worked at.<span style=""> </span>I haven’t been there in 16 years. That place doesn't even EXIST anymore.<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;">-The paint-splattered shirt from when I did that <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2010/07/metrosexual-tendencies-wc-suite.html"><u><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">weird-ass Tennessee Williams play</span></u></a>.<span style=""> </span>I was bummed when I didn’t fit into it anymore (or rather, when it ceased to flatter my figure), because I liked wearing that around.<span style=""> </span>Gave me a stylish, “artsy” look.<span style=""> </span>I’m pretty sure the t-shirt itself was from the 70s, but the paint splattering was original, courtesy of the costume department, who were happy to give it to me after the show.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;">-My loincloth and vest-jacket from when I performed in an 8-man version of <b style=""><i style="">Midsummer Night’s Dream</i></b> (same costume department, same elation to get rid of a costume piece that wouldn’t be used again)</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;">-A jean jacket with “Hard-Rock Café – Save the Earth” embroidered on the back.<span style=""> </span>(Christmas gift from 1993… all the kids in the clan got one, and I’ve still got the group photo to prove it.)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Hell, somewhere is even my graduation robes from High School, College, AND Grad School.<span style=""> </span>Why why oh WHY??</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I’ve always liked the idea of going minimalist… and everything being neat and clean, and easily staying that way.<span style=""> </span>I’m just total crap at actually pulling that off.<span style=""> </span>By contrast, I never liked the idea of “When I was no longer a child, I put away childish things”… screw that.<span style=""> </span>I like my childish things.<span style=""> </span>They’re fun, and make me smile.<span style=""> </span>I don’t want to get rid of something *just* because it was made for an age demographic I’m no longer technically a part of.<span style=""> </span>Nor will I pretend something’s not fun.<span style=""> </span>That… I’m pretty good at.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">But the stuff that sits in the garage, or in the back of my closet… isn’t giving me any enjoyment by being static.<span style=""> </span>And I have such a small living space, I just don’t have the room.<span style=""> </span>So, I’ve been inspired lately to give it a more earnest try.<span style=""> </span>The actual catalyst was a short article I read over on the website <a href="http://www.thefrisky.com/"><u><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">TheFrisky.com</span></u></a>, from a few weeks ago entitled “<a href="http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-i-got-rid-of-90-percent-of-my-stuff-and-i-feel-fine/"><u><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">I Got Rid of 90 Percent of My Stuff, And I Feel Fine</span></u></a>”.<span style=""> </span>While there are several other things from the past year or so that made the idea of having less stuff very appealing… this was the first thing that just flat out threw it into words, directly.<span style=""> </span>(Sometimes, we need that.)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Now, I don’t know if I could eliminate 90% of my stuff… but I have a modest goal of getting rid of at least 40%.<span style=""> </span>And while I’ve been plugging away at it… I’m thinking I could do even more then that.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">First place to start… books.<span style=""> </span>I have a series of shelves in my bedroom tucked in the corner of the room, behind the door.<span style=""> </span>It’s definitely the most cluttered part of that room.<span style=""> </span>So, I started pulling out books that I know I’ll never read, and stacking them.<span style=""> </span>I also pulled out a bunch of old <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2008/07/talk-nerdy-to-me.html"><u><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">role-playing games</span></u></a>, mostly stuff from college.<span style=""> </span>So, I put those in another stack.<span style=""> </span>The normal books will be donated… the RPGs, I’m going to try Ebay.<span style=""> </span>(While I’ve bought plenty of stuff off Ebay, I’ve never sold anything… so I don’t even know how to set that up.<span style=""> </span>Guess I’ll learn.).<span style=""> </span>If I can’t get anything for them after a few weeks, I’ll donate those as well.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Then… some board games.<span style=""> </span>Wasn’t looking forward to it, because I like my board games.<span style=""> </span>But when I look at them, and know full well that when “Board Game Night” does come around, my friends and I usually pick something else… so that starts its own pile.<span style=""> </span>My rule on the board games were… “I’m keeping my CLUEs, that’s non-negotiable.”<span style=""> </span>Because I love the game CLUE, it’s my favorite.<span style=""> </span>And I’ve got several spin-offs and variations.<span style=""> </span>(I’m a sucker for mysteries.)<span style=""> </span>So I went through the others and managed to clear out about 10 of them so far… a good chunk now sitting at Goodwill waiting for new owners.<span style=""> </span>But you know… I’m starting to look at some of those CLUE games… and starting to wonder if I could get rid of those too.<span style=""> </span>Because the variations aren’t like the original game… they just have the CLUE name and “expand the story” with their own game.<span style=""> </span>A bit unnecessary, but they’re neat.<span style=""> </span>I’d have to keep at least 3… the standard version, my Haunted Mansion version I got from DisneyLand, and Clue Master Detective (a version from the late 80s with more rooms, suspects and weapons, but plays the exact same).<span style=""> </span>But the others… just might be going.<span style=""> </span>Including the newest version with the “revamped and updated” rules… which aren’t that great, and I suspect Parker Brothers will eventually get rid of anyway in future incarnations of the game.<span style=""> </span>But maybe my non-negotiable rule is going to be more flexible then I originally declared it was going to be.<span style=""> </span>We’ll see.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Then, the DVDs.<span style=""> </span>A while back, I started doing with my movies what I did with my CDs… putting them in those big folders that holds 100 at a time.<span style=""> </span>I picked up several of them, and divided them up by genre.<span style=""> </span>Sci-Fi in one, Asian Entertainment in another, Horror in one (actually that’s 2 folders filled up now), Musicals and Plays in yet another, Comedies, Adventures, Drama, Cooking Shows, etc, etc.<span style=""> </span>I also grabbed larger ones for my TV-on-DVD shows… also divided up into genres.<span style=""> </span>I even painted on the front of each one for ease of identification.<span style=""> </span>Sure, having numerous folders is a bit bulky, but still leagues better then keeping all those discs in their cases.<span style=""> </span>I was holding onto some of the plastic cases… thinking *maybe* I’ll put them back into them someday, for display purposes… but let’s face it;<span style=""> </span>why would I want to?<span style=""> </span>So, they have to go… especially since “some” become “a lot more then some”.<span style=""> </span>All those… sat in the garage… waiting… and occupying space.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">The showdown is inevitable.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">So I’ve started in on that stuff in storage.<span style=""> </span>I’ve pulled down about 7 large plastic bins so far, and have condensed them into 2.<span style=""> </span>5 large bins worth of stuff… gone.<span style=""> </span>This is where I’ve found all those old clothes, all the spare DVD cases, stuffed animals acquired over the years<span style=""> </span>(which, being up in the dusty garage all this time, are probably so spore-filled as to be downright unhealthy.<span style=""> </span>So, I may even have to get rid of my little Muppet dolls I collected from Disney.<span style=""> </span>Not a fun prospect to a major Muppet fan like myself), even more books (oh so many books) and so much else.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I even found my 4-year collection of <b style=""><i style="">Boy’s Life</i></b> magazines from the mid-80s (more relics from my scouting days).<span style=""> </span>I was planning to get some nice plastic bags for them, slide them into a nice storage box from the Comic Store, and keep them.<span style=""> </span>My brother happened to see them and asked, “Why have you kept old scouting magazines from 25 years ago?”<span style=""> </span>Well, it was for nostalgia, yes.<span style=""> </span>Plus, I think they’re collector’s items.<span style=""> </span>My first issue was the premiere of a few features for that magazine that they’re still doing today.<span style=""> </span>I got a lot of enjoyment out of them, and I don’t think it’s all that bad to keep them around in an out-of-the way manner.<span style=""> </span>But… yeah, then I got to thinking.<span style=""> </span>“Damn… maybe I *should* stop holding onto them.<span style=""> </span>Well, maybe I can get something for them on Ebay or something… surely they ARE collector’s items?”<span style=""> </span>So, I looked online.<span style=""> </span>You know what I found?<span style=""> </span>Every single issue of <b style=""><i style="">Boy’s Life</i></b> magazine, from the 1930s to the present, online, complete and for free on Google Books.<span style=""> </span>F-ing A!!!<span style=""> </span>Now I have no excuse to not recycle them.<span style=""> </span>So… into the recycling they went, and then told my brother I hated him.<span style=""> </span>But at least I’ll have more room by my boxes of comic books---</p> <p class="MsoNormal">God Dammit!<span style=""> </span>NOW I’m going to be going through my comics and see which of THOSE I can get rid of!!!<span style=""> </span>Arrrgghhh!</p> <p class="MsoNormal">In a way, it’s almost getting too easy, the more I do this.<span style=""> </span>I’m currently convinced this is only 85% a good thing.<span style=""> </span>(But only because I want to be stubborn in some regard)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Basically, I’m just putting everything into 2 categories:<span style=""> </span>“Getting Rid of”… and “Not Sure Yet.”<span style=""> </span>Once I’m done, I’ll go through the “Not Sure Yet” group and divide them again into the 2 categories.<span style=""> </span>And then go through them yet again… and then once more, this time creating a “Keep” pile.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I am allowing myself a few nostalgic keepsakes… my Muppet Magazines for one.<span style=""> </span>(Do you have any idea how rare they are?<span style=""> </span>Seriously.<span style=""> </span>I’ve got 9 of them.)<span style=""> </span>And I still have all my old Theatre books, because it was, and I still consider it to be, a big part of my life and who I am… and with my pursuit back into teaching, will hopefully be a larger part in the future.<span style=""> </span>(Yet, I’m starting to wonder… is there anything in that bin that won’t be that useful to me right now?)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">But I think I might be close to… if not at the 40% mark already.<span style=""> </span>I’ve donated about 150 books, trashed 3 bins worth of plastic, and a slew of knick-knacks ready for the trash heap.<span style=""> </span>(I found my old key-chain collection from 20 years ago… I didn’t even like the hobby that much, and haven’t added to it in almost that time.)<span style=""> </span>I’m finally eliminating the last of those VHS tapes that just haven’t gone away yet… all those old scout shirts, work uniforms, etc… so much stuff I’ve been holding onto, and I no longer know why.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">And I know, that at some point… I’m going to come across a little green box that I have completely taped up.<span style=""> </span>That I haven’t opened in quite a few years.<span style=""> </span>It’s somewhere in the back of my closet (I think), and it contains things I haven’t WANTED to look at in all that time.<span style=""> </span>And I’m not sure what I’ll do.<span style=""> </span>I probably should have thrown it out long ago… most probably would have in a fit of anger.<span style=""> </span>But I was thinking, it was a part of my life, and I may now want nothing to do with it… but I can’t deny it ever happened.<span style=""> </span>I thought it was a “mature” way to treat it… maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t.<span style=""> </span>But I held onto it, physically.<span style=""> </span>(I definitely held onto it emotionally, much longer then I should have.)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I think, if I threw it all away then… it would have been out of anger.<span style=""> </span>Now, if I throw it away… it’s because it doesn’t mean anything.<span style=""> </span>Which just might be the best reason for it to go.<span style=""> </span></p>V. Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17784637105545220269noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34511226.post-40680378237720710942010-08-17T15:39:00.003-04:002010-08-17T15:56:31.617-04:00Unleashing the Id<div style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">Love is a word that is constantly heard<br />Hate is a word that is not<br />Love, I am told is more precious than gold<br />Love, I have heard is hot<br />But hate is the verb that to me is superb<br />And love, just a drug on the mart<br />For any kiddie from school can love like a fool<br />But hating, my boy is an art<br /> -Ogden Nash<br /></div><br />I don’t generally consider myself a “hateful” guy… I may be a bit cynical, sure. Are there issues I’m passionately opposed to due to ethical and intellectual grounds? Sure. Are there people in my life that I prefer to avoid and vent about? Absolutely. Are there individuals that have “crossed the line” with me, thereby giving me no moral qualms about taking my frustrations out on them with a rusty crowbar followed by a lemon-juice hose-down and a salt-blast chaser? Who doesn’t?<br /><br />But I’m not talking about the so-called “Legitimate Hates”… the understandable ones. If you’re related to a close-minded racist whose hobby is insulting you and killing every small animal you try to adopt… it’s perfectly alright to hate them. That is completely justified. Are there people actively infringing the civil rights of the people you love? Guess what? You can hate them. <span style="font-style: italic;">(Side note: </span><a style="font-style: italic;" href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2008/11/religion-politics-and-great-pumpkin.html">Prop 8 Overturned!</a><span style="font-style: italic;"> Suck it, you Bible-thumping “Family Value” Pricks!)</span><br /><br />In fact, I find it hard to believe there are people who “don’t hate anyone or anything”. Well… then frankly, you don’t exist. Yes, I’m actively denying the fact that you were ever conceived and resided within this dimensional plane. To your face. If you say there is truly nothing to raise your ire; a) I call “BS”… and b) I’m looking forward to the challenge.<br /><br />But again, I’m not a hateful person… I do believe that love is stronger then hate… that positive outweighs the negative. I believe that humanity, on the whole… can be good. That’s the way I’m wired. Yet, I do think that hate can actually bring about some good things in this world. One of the biggest reasons the U.S.A. even came into being was because our founding fathers hated King George III. (Take a look at the Declaration of Independence… most of the reasons listed all start with “He”… “He has refused… “, “He has forbidden…”, “He has obstructed…”) Nothing against the British citizens… nothing against the country… they hated HIM. Heck, sometimes just the act of loving something necessitates that you have to hate the thing that opposes it. (To again cite Prop 8; I love my Gay Friends, so for even that alone, I hate anyone that wants to take away their right to love.) Without a certain amount of hate for the big things… nothing would ever get done.<br /><br />Except I’m not talking about the big stuff. No, I’m going for the relatively petty stuff. The crap that might be expressed in a stand-up comedy routine. The stuff that you don’t bother to address because of the Social Filter we’ve developed over our lives. The really annoying, blood-boiling pet peeves that you don’t act on, but which keep pushing you to the point of wanting to scream… but you don’t, because someone would probably put you in a padded room (even if they feel the same way).<br /><br />For this blog… we remove the Social Filter.<br /><br />Maybe you’ll get insulted. Maybe you’d be a wishful victim of my wishful wrath. Maybe, if you met me walking down the street, you’d look at the ground while giving me a wide berth, hoping I don’t snap on you… or you’d stop me and scream and lecture me for being hateful. (Go ahead, I’d love the irony of that.) But I’m really just joining a bit of a trend here… there’s apparently a lot of home-web videos of young people just rattling off about stuff they supposedly hate. Usually they amount to just hating “school” or “stupid boys” or “dumb girls” or “parents”… but I’m not in the age demographic to mention those things (except maybe the dumb girls… some things *are* universal, after all.) No… as you may know, I tend to get a bit more specific:<br /><br /><ol><li>Assholes that linger for 20 minutes BUCK NAKED in the gym locker room. Yes, that’s what the locker room is for: changing. But not to this extreme. These guys scamper quickly into the locker room (rarely watching where they’re going), and whip off all their street clothes as fast as humanly possible, getting to “jaybird” status in record time. And then… they…. sloooooooow…. dooooooowwwwwwwnnnnn. And don’t even consider putting on the workout clothes yet… because you know, the mood isn’t right. So they stretch. They groom. They stroll around. They stop and watch the TV on the wall. They see someone they know, and walk on up to talk to them, raising their leg onto a bench so they can lean their elbow on their knee. And after they’ve given their political or social dissertation for that hour, they casually walk back to their locker to MAYBE get ready to actually do some exercise. And when they’re done with said workout… the same process happens again. Even adding in a long, slow walk to the showers, with a towel slung *over the shoulder* instead of around the waist, and then standing at a sink, shaving or brushing their teeth… naked. And when they finally DO get dressed, these men pick the very sensible first item that should be put onto their fully nude-with-an-obvious-reason-to-come-to-the-gym-in-the-first-place bodies… that, very obviously being, their shirt. (Underwear? Why would THAT go first?) Then they button up their shirt. Then they put on… their socks. Then they adjust the socks, because you never can pull them up right on the first try. Then they put on their tie. Then they tie the tie. Then they undo the tie and re-do it, and adjust it. After then combing their hair, applying cologne, and then getting involved in another water-cooler debate with a fellow bottom-half-naked locker-room dweller… on goes the tighty-whiteys. Then point-3 seconds later, the pants and shoes are on, and they shoot out the door. What. The. Fuck. There’s a nice line that separates “comfortable in your skin” with “decorum”. That’s great you’re not ashamed of your own body… but you don’t need to flaunt useless cock even when being “around the guys”. I hope Rush Limbaugh mistakes you for a Coney Island Corn Dog.<br /><br /></li><li>People who say, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” Oh, so you’re not actually apologizing for fucking me over, you’re apologizing because *I’m upset* at you for fucking me over? So, since you’re actually shifting the blame to me… that makes your apology absolutely useless, which doesn’t actually make it an apology. Wow, that’s just as bad as saying “I’m sorry” in a pissed-off “on-the-offensive” tone of voice. You might as well be saying, “I’m not actually sorry, but I’ll say the phonetic words because you stupidly think I should, just to shut you up.” Good work, you’ve managed to make the “apology” sound more insulting then the original insult/infraction. I hope you get the first-ever case of Herpes Simplex Type 5.<br /><br /></li><li>Unnecessary Rap. Sometimes, I’d be inclined to say that “all Rap is unnecessary”… but that would be wrong. While the genre is not my favorite, there are rap songs I like to listen to, and it is absolutely a viable genre and art form… on its own. What I really find annoying is when in the middle of a Non-Rap song… some moron starts breaking out his “rhymes”. The example that comes to my mind is the song “Scream” by Chris Cornell. It’s a slow rock song, that is put to a techno-drum-machine-beat. Now, I’ve heard him do an acoustic version that sounds great… I also like the techno background version. It’s different, but I think it works decently for the song. But suddenly… in between the first and second verses, comes the producer “Timbaland” (which is a freaking retarded “artistic” name, BTW. It’d be like calling yourself “El El Beeen”, “Uh-merican Eegel”, “Wall’em Art” or anything else coming close to copyright infringement on a brand name. Where are the lawyers when you need them?). Here, this moron does a little spoken interlude, which only just repeats some of the lyrics… and I guess it can’t even be official “Rap”, because its not even to a beat, nor does it rhyme… just him “contributing his flavor” to a song that DOESN’T NEED HIM. You are no better then the annoying “hype man”, which is a whole other realm of uselessness in the musical industry. (If you’re going to perform for a crowd, and need someone else to “get people excited”… well, how come they’re not excited enough at the anticipation of seeing you? Sounds like you’re not very good, and that you even seem to know it, hence hiring him in the first place.) <br /><br />Now I’m all for musical artists collaborating with each other, but don’t pull this crap of coming onto their album and working on ONE song, by inserting some of the aforementioned uselessness and snagging a “featuring” credit. It’s THEIR album, let them play THEIR music. You want to show your “flavor”? Then make your own damn album, and spout it all you want, so I can have the option of not buying it, so I don’t have to listen to it. But if you REALLY want to collaborate? Then do it… on a full 12-song album, and do an actual duet with them on each and every song, and you both get equal billing. If you want to collaborate and “explore” with this other artist… don’t stop after you metaphorically “drive to the corner store”. Freaking go for it and truly see where you can go with it when you combine your efforts. (Robert Plant and Allison Krauss had it right… a whole album of collaboration. One a soft bluegrass singer… and the other from Led-Fucking-Zeppelin) Not this half-ass-flavor-shit. I hope your beloved over-priced Cristal booze gives you cold sores on your eyes.<br /><br /></li><li>People who speak with extremely thick accents on singular words of foreign origin… when the rest of their speech is in perfect white-bread English. I don’t think there’s anything that screams “Douchebag” to me faster then this. Just talking along, everything is clear and articulate… and suddenly revert to the fakest-sounding Italian/Spanish/French/Etc accent that’s ever been conceived for that Italian/Spanish/French/Etc word. It actually sounds like they’re trying to make fun of that language with this over-parodying voice… only they’re actually being serious and are claiming, “that’s the *correct* way to pronounce it”, smiling smugly all the while. Guess what? There’s a big difference between Pronunciation and Accent. They are not the same thing. Never have been, never will be. Consider that the rest of the world considers the way Americans talk as “the American Accent”. So, how many people do you know, that only speak American English… that pronounce American English words incorrectly? You may know 1, you may know 40, but you *will* know a number to say. Just because they speak in an American Accent, doesn’t mean the pronunciation is correct. I’ve known Italians from Italy that speak great English, pronouncing everything right… and saying it with their Italian accent.<br /><br />And sweet Jeebus help you if I happen to say a foreign word, and you try to “correct” me with that fake accent. Pray a tire iron isn’t nearby. I hope the next time you’re at the Doctor’s office, you hear the words, “Uh oh…”<br /><br /></li><li>People in handicap scooters… whose ONLY handicap is that they are extremely, gravity-victoriously, fat. If you’re in one from extreme age, no problem. Veteran with a leg blown off, victim of a horrible accident or debilitating disease? I’ll salute you as you cruise by, give you any help you need and all that. But having an extra whole pie for dessert isn’t a tragedy, it’s a very bad personal decision. But if what’s done is done, fine… but you don’t get special treatment. You don’t get to have a handicap plate or sign for your car. You can’t get a free pass to the front of a ride at Disneyland. You don’t get to claim “disability”, and you don’t get the right to complain about how difficult life is. How can it be so hard? You have a freaking scooter to cart you around! Sounds pretty easy to me! I hope that your home is infested by rats with a craving for cholesterol.<br /><br /></li><li>This one is targeted to one gender: Men. Yes, my fellow males, pay attention: Those of you that go onto Facebook, Myspace, or anything else remotely like it… find the profile of a young lady, and start writing the most moronic “pick-up” shit on their walls and comments sections, like: “Damn U fine!”, “I’d love 2 tap that! Hit me up sumtime!”, “Ur so Hott!”… and I’m not even talking about the horrible grammar. Do you honestly think that’s going to make them rip off their clothes and come running after you? Do you, in all seriousness, believe that’s going to help get you laid? I already know that when you’re directly asked, you’ll talk about “respecting a lady” and how you “don’t treat women like objects, of course not!” Which is made into Bullshit by the very fact that you don’t walk the walk. I don’t give a crap if the gal is posting a 90%-naked picture of herself in the mirror to feel sexy and good about herself. It is no time to lose all sense of decorum and respect. In fact, it’s the ideal time to SHOW it. Admire, Appreciate, then Masturbate if you must… and if you absolutely HAVE to leave a comment, it *is* possible to say something that doesn’t sound like what a lame Rapper with too much money and a skewed-world-view would say. If you have any doubt? Then don’t say anything, because when you start typing without abandon, you give the female gender more proof to their claims of “Men are stupid.” Thanks to you, they’re right.<br /><br />Same goes for you, you <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2008/05/deep-doo-doo.html">“Deep”</a> ass-holes… I haven’t forgotten you.<br /><br />I hope all of you Mother-F-ers can’t ever close your eyes without instantly dreaming of Prison… where you have to pick up the soap.<br /></li></ol><br />Okay, so maybe I have a few “Rage Issues”… there may be a few more pet peeves that really get me… but this is looking long enough for now.<br /><br />So maybe you laughed, maybe you were horrified, maybe you just plain agree. But what I want to know is:<br /><br />What pisses YOU off?V. Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17784637105545220269noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34511226.post-4406716099238066282010-07-08T16:02:00.004-04:002010-07-08T16:23:14.870-04:00Metrosexual Tendencies: The W.C. Suite<span style="font-style:italic;">I was just wondering what the most inane topic I could write about…</span><br /><br />I’m an Old-Fashioned shaver.<br /><br />Okay, maybe not “Old-Fashioned”. I think that actually involves lying back in a barber’s chair and letting some other guy do the work for 25¢, hoping to Jeebus that he doesn’t go all Sweeney Todd on you with a straight edge blade.<br /><br />Or it means scraping my face with a jagged rock by a river… guess it depends how far back “Old-Fashioned” means…<br /><br />So, maybe I’m a Neo-Classical Shaver… or something. I don’t know… I was looking for a good opening-line.<br /><br />But I do it the non-electric way, I can say that much for certain. This is yet another way I differ from the other men in my immediate family: My dad and two older brothers. Not 100% sure about my oldest brother, but I think I recall him using an electric razor years ago. My other brother, the middle one… always uses electric. Don’t recall him ever using anything else. Even today, half the time he’ll walk out of the bathroom with the familiar “buzzzzzzzzzzzz” humming along while he multi-tasks his morning, scraping away the little bit of fuzz that accumulated overnight. My dad… I’m pretty sure he’s strictly electric now… but he used to have the “safety razors”, that he obviously must have used at some point. They were the cheapest little plastic things that could be found… 50 of them for about 2 dollars (today’s prices), with one dull blade on each one. With the lone period of time that I tried to use those, they tore my face up pretty bad… so I’m not sure how “safe” they really were.<br /><br />But they’re all electric guys. Probably for the convenience sake. After a few weeks when your skin gets used to it, you can buzz your face every day, and you’ll always have that “clean” look forever after. Plus, the one-time cost of it is probably more economical in comparison. I even got an electric razor for the holidays one year… I think I used it for about 2 months before I stopped. For one… it was a pretty cheap model, and wasn’t going to last much longer anyway. But also… as close a shave as it did, it wasn’t as close as the non-electric way was. I’d feel my face after the electric, and it’d feel pretty smooth. But after the non-electric way? It would feel SUPER smooth! Yes, I could tell the difference. I liked that better. Plus, due to the lotions and balms and everything… the non-electric way was more refreshing, soothing. The electric way? Just kind of… Vibrate-y.<br /><br />The first time I shaved was getting ready for my Junior Prom when I was in High School. I was given a “sample kit” from the place I rented my Tux from, and thought, “Cool… I’m old enough to shave now!” Sure, all I really had was a little peach fuzz… but it felt symbolic to be doing it that night. That night was also my first actual date… ever. (It didn’t go like, end like, or lead to anything as most “real dates” do… or even like other “Prom Dates” stereotypically do…but that’s another story.) So, symbolism abounded for me that night, and I wanted to do it right. (And I only cut myself twice!)<br /><br />Thereafter, I didn’t shave that often (again, I had nothing but peach-fuzz really), but I’d do it once every week, week and a half. I had heard that “once you start shaving, you have to do it regularly because the hair will start growing faster!” Well, apparently my actual facial hair didn’t get that memo, because the “needing a shave-look” wasn’t much different from the “freshly shaved-look”. At the time, shaving was more of a formality… a zen-like practice that served no practical purpose; but I felt good doing it, and I also felt less like an overly-awkward teen. (I still was… I just didn’t feel like one.)<br /><br />The first time I actually realized that I honest-to-goodness NEEDED to shave… was when I was in college. The director of a show I was in had asked all the men in the show to “Not Shave”. It was a period piece, set in Russia, so we were all supposed to have facial hair. (I also got to wear a wig and a padded belly for that show.) So, I stopped shaving… and thinking, “I’ve never actually grown anything but peach fuzz… will I even be able to?” But taking those few extra weeks and not shaving… I did start to get some real, rough stubble, and then became a beard. The design team then designated mine to be a “Van Dyke”, so I could shave the neck and sides. (Good, cause it was itching like hell!) I even kind of liked it… so much I kept it for awhile after that show. It was different for me… together with my glasses, it even made me feel a little more intellectual and “collegiate”.<br /><br />The beard came and went a few times over the next few years. Sometimes growing it for a show, other times shaving it for a show. I’ve done quite a few things for shows, actually. The most extreme was not only shaving my face… but my arms, legs, chest, and head. The play I was doing it for was a very odd Tennessee Williams play called <span style="font-weight:bold;"><span style="font-style:italic;">In the Bar of a Tokyo Hotel</span></span>, and at one point, I strip down to this Japanese Shinto-Diaper-Thingy. And every bit of skin that was exposed was shaved. The only part that wasn’t was my eyebrows… that would have looked too weird, we agreed. The character was this weird, intense, crazy artist, who we figured would want to do a ritualistic head-shaving (like a monk)… only he’d take it to the absolute extreme, and shave everything. So we went with it. I ended up looking like some intense, homicidal, overgrown baby… which was interesting on its own, for sure. (Add to that me smearing latex interior housepaint over me… like I said, it was an odd show.) Several times I would talk to people about this and mention how I had to “shave everything”.<br /><br />They’d look at me with a raised eyebrow and say, “EVERY-thing?” Clearly implying about parts under the Shinto Diaper that weren’t being seen.<br /><br />“No, I did not shave my crotch for the show.”<br /><br />They’d seem almost relieved and say “Okay” at that. There *are* limits to Method Acting, thank you. I most certainly did not shave my private parts for that show.<br /><br />The fact that I shaved those parts ANYWAY, I didn’t mention. So yes, I was completely bare during the show. But I didn’t shave the bathing suit area *purposefully* for that show, so I wasn’t lying… it was simply a personal preference. (You think shaving feels nice on the face? Just imagine that sensation down there… very soothing in the summer, let me tell you.)<br /><br />Okay, I’m sure that’s way into the realm of TMI (Too Much Information)… Oh well, cope.<br /><br />I’ve always considered shaving to be one of those “manly man” things to do. I’ve seen it on lists of “sexiest things a woman can see a man do” (supposedly written by a woman, or taken from a survey of women), alongside “tying a tie”, “interacting with a child”, “cooking”, “juggling”, and “zombie-defense-preparation”. (Okay, maybe those last two are from *my* list of what should be sexy) If that’s true… then I’m one hell of a Sexy Manly-Man. Well, unless your list consists of MORE then those… then I only have these points down.<br /><br />I love the smoothness of the end result… the crisp, clean feeling. It’s awesome, it really is. My face feels refreshed, rejuvenated… and helps me to feel damn Sex-ay. (And I’m sure adult women can think of other, practical advantages for a man having a smooth face. No, I’m not “going there”… because You just did.) I don’t know what it is about the existence of certain body hair that makes me feel not-as-sexy… but the fact it is probably explains why I have no problem getting rid of it.<br /><br />On rare occasion, I’ll shave my legs. Usually just in the summer, solely for the comfort factor. My chest… sometimes I’ll shave for the summer comfort, but I don’t mind a little hair on that part. But I do try to keep it trimmed…. I don’t like it getting long, twisty and out of control. Keeping it to the level of “pleasant fuzz” is my preference.<br /><br />Armpits… I shave regularly. Using the <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Philips-Norelco-BG2020-Bodygroom-Shaver/dp/B000EG8HLE">Norelco Body Trimmer</a> helps with this. Hey, I don’t think you noticed, but armpits stink. You know why? The sweat is trapped in the hair and it ferments. I may not sweat any less, but my pits are a LOT less stinky, thank you.<br /><br />And thanks to my genetics… I’m cursed with a hairy back. Not the kind of hairy where the Gay Community would put me in the “Bear” category, but enough that it itches and makes the heat less tolerable. I’ve tried to shave it… but I have to bend my arms in very unnatural ways to do so, and that hurts. I tried using the “Nair” and removal creams, which works decently for a few weeks at a time, but application is difficult. I did get help on a few occasions… one really good friend slathered it on me, and another time, a girlfriend did it. While she said she didn’t mind, when I look back on it, I can’t help but think, “That was unfair to ask her to do that for me.” Why? Well, it may not be horror-movie disgusting… but still an unappealing task. So, come the future, I shall not ask of that in a relationship again. Nope… so, now, and for the past few years… I’ve been getting waxed.<br /><br />Figured if I’m going to enlist help, it should be a professional, and one who gets duly compensated for it. Plus, the waxing has the benefit of lasting longer then the creams.<br /><br />On the downside, it hurts like a Motherfucking-Hurt-Machine. (But I am a sensitive lad, dontchaknow?) Granted, after doing it almost 10 times by now… it hurts less then it did at first, but I still don’t look forward to it.<br /><br />Now, I can get a good 8 weeks of pure hairlessness, and then another month or so as it grows back, and there’s no chance of missing spots. They’re pretty thorough. They get a good way up my neck, the tops of my shoulders and all the way down the back. When I’m asked, “How far down do you want me to go?” (No, I don’t make an innuendo. They have hot wax and are already causing me pain, do you honestly think I want MORE of it?) I say, “If you see crack, you’ve gone too far.”<br /><br />Now, I may not have female companionship to take advantage of the super-smoothness, or recognize the pain I’ve experienced and wish to “make it up to me”… but I do it anyway. If I relied on sexual rewards as my reasons for shaving and hair removal, I’d look like Grizzly Adams by now.<br /><br />Nope, shaving is for me. It’s my Zen thing, thank you.<br /><br />Over the years… I have refined my technique since my first facial shave. It really is more then Lather, Scrape, Rinse. There’s an order. There’s a procedure.<br /><br />I like procedures.<br /><br />First… hardware selection. I’m currently using the Gillette Mach 3 Turbo. I don’t know exactly why they call it “Turbo”, but it does work a tad better then the regular Mach 3, I know that much. I just buy the refills in bulk from Costco so I’m not paying as much as from the normal store. As the whole shaving thing can get expensive if you’re not careful… I therefore try to be careful. (The “Fusion” razor is really nice too, and even gives a better shave, but its still way more price-wise.)<br /><br />Then, you need the heat. Steam heat, to be precise. I used to just splash a bunch of warm-to-hot water on my face for a few minutes, but I prefer to simply shave in the shower. I helps to open up the pores.<br /><br />Next… shaving cream? NO! Now’s the facial scrub. I use an exfoliating facial cleanser. I really like the one from Nivea.<br /><br />Now, the shaving cream, right? WRONG! Now is the pre-shave oil. Yes, it’s called a pre-shave oil. It’s a tiny little bottle, and you only use a few drops at a time, like 5-6… about the size of half a penny. (A little goes a long way) It’s got a bit of the menthol-thing going on, which sometimes feels counterproductive to the steam heat… but it works really well. Helps the hairs to stand up a bit. According to the bottle, you could actually shave using JUST this oil if you had to, but I never have. The kind I use… (and the only kind I can find, though it works so well, I don’t care) is from King of Shaves.*<br /><br />*if the company is named King of Shaves, you can assume they know something about it.<br /><br />Okay, now has to be the shaving cream, huh? NEVER!! I use a shaving “gel”. The old shaving cream/foam…besides smelling funny, it also makes it hard to actually see the hair you’re shaving off. It’s not that fun to go completely blind when having a sharp object near your face. Just sayin… No, shaving technology has made some leaps and bounds. The gel type of shaving lube is pretty clear, and makes it a lot easier to do things like keep the sideburns even, or even care for that goatee you’re trying for. Plus, it really does work a lot better. I’ll occasionally try different brands, but I do keep coming back to the King of Shaves brand again… the Sensitive Skin formula. (I *do* have sensitive skin, dontchaknow?)<br /><br />Then… the actual removal. I’ve always read you’re only supposed to scrape “with the grain”... but when I do that, I always feel stubble left behind. So I always go back up the other way, “against the grain” as well, and that removes it all. And I’ve never had a problem with in-grown facial hairs or gashing my face open or whatnot as a result. I just go easy, methodical… and get that super-smoothness I love so much.<br /><br />But it’s not over! After the scraping, I’ll obviously rinse off thoroughly (easy enough as I’m already in the shower), finish up all the other shower-business, and out. Then I pat dry my face… and then break out the… anyone? Anyone?<br /><br />After-shave lotion? What am I, a masochist? (<span style="font-style:italic;">Don’t answer that.</span>) Alcohol on microscopic wounds? Hell, no. Nope, I go with the “post-shave balm”. It’s a thicker kind of goop, that’s non-alcoholic, non-painful… and gives that nice bit of smooth polish to the face, with an extra moisturizing kick. Again, a little goes a long way. I don’t stray from the Nivea brand on this one.<br /><br />And that’s my shave. I do this every 4 days or so. I can get away doing it after 3 days, but any less then that, and my face gets torn up a bit. No, with my face, the blade needs a decent bit of stubble to get a grip on to. In fact, the longer I go without, the easier it is to shave it, oddly. Unless it’s more then 6 days (meaning I have no dates or social plans)… in which case, it’s too long. So I’ll take my regular old-clippers and trim down the face to a shaveable length.<br /><br />It works for me. Maybe it is a “manly-man” thing to do… I just do it because it makes me feel “good”.<br /><br />So… nyah.V. Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17784637105545220269noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34511226.post-9591844595383028012010-04-27T15:54:00.001-04:002010-04-27T15:59:34.530-04:00Techno-Love (but only as a friend)I don’t know if this is a male stereotype or not… but I do love my Tech. Maybe not to the extent that some guys, or even some women… but in my very own way, I do.<br /><br />I’ve never really had a problem figuring out computers and technology. I tend to figure out the basics pretty fast, really just by playing around. (Manual? Who needs a manual?) But I also have never really gone out of my way to acquire it quickly, so I can always be on the “cutting edge”. Usually, I’m at the tail end of the parade.<br /><br />For me, when I make a decision about acquiring new Tech (or really any decision in life, come to think of it), I mull it over and think for a long time, and then when I finally make a decision, I stick with it.<br /><br />The first computer I ever bought was a Commodore 64, and even then it was not that long before they stopped making them, and long after its heyday of popularity. I even knew that at the time, and my reasoning was, “well, if it’s not that popular anymore, all these hundreds of games will probably come down in price.” It was good logic, actually… our house was well-stocked with a large variety of games. The first of which is still one of my favorites: <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maniac_mansion">Maniac Mansion</a>. (LucasArts made some great games back then) That computer got the holy hell beaten out of it over the years… with the floppy disk drive (with an actual FLOPPY disk) and when computer monitors were heavier then me. You could easily see how it was a definite upgrade from the Pong and Atari systems the family had… but maybe not so much compared to the original NES my brother had. But I liked it… and when it came to the end of its useful life, I eventually resurrected it… and gutted it to make a sci-fi looking prop for a show.<br /><br />The next… was a word processor. Yes, an actual word processor. A weird missing link between typewriter and computer. It had a disc drive, and a small internal memory and programming, that wasn’t compatible with anything else in existence… but it wasn’t a computer in the normal sense. It was basically a printer with a small keyboard tacked on. It was a gift from my parents as I headed into college, for the purpose of writing papers. And since it was the ONLY thing it could ever do, it did it pretty well. It got me through the 4 years pretty well. When most everyone else was going to the computer labs, I could do it in the comfort of my dorm room. (and I had to… because as mentioned, the discs couldn’t be used anywhere else. It was not only technological freedom, but prison as well.)<br /><br />I started Grad School with a hand-me-down desktop computer from my Uncle, which did me pretty well. When I had the chance to upgrade to a decent laptop a few months in, I did so… after careful consideration, that is. (Its compact nature was appealing to a guy in a small apartment) And I then kept that computer for the next 8 years… long after its expected life-span. (That thing died and was resurrected via miracle on a couple of occasions.)<br /><br />But after Grad School… the next bit of Tech I got was probably long overdue; I finally got a cell phone. This was in 2002, and most other people had gotten cell phones already, and now… EVERYONE has them. Even high school kids, and younger! That kinda blows my mind… yet, it also blows my mind when I realize that I can’t conceive of NOT having my cell phone with me. If I leave the house and realize later that I forgot to grab it… I’m hitting myself and saying, “Oh crap!” Now, I don’t get phone calls that often, (I’m not even that good on the phone!) and I do get a half-decent amount of text messages… but after going 27 years without a constant direct-communication-line to the world, (and surviving, by the looks of it) why did I now HAVE to have it near me every second? It’s sitting 10 inches to my right at this moment while I’m typing! <br /><br />When I was seeing my first therapist, I remember mentioning one session how I kind of missed going around WITHOUT a cell phone, and sometimes, if you think about it too hard, you can feel kind of trapped by it. (Sometimes, you don’t WANT to be found so easily) She responded with, “Well, you don’t have to have it.” “Listen, lady… don’t go using that new-fangled voodoo brain logic with me!” Okay, I didn’t say that last part, but as much sense as it makes, and how true it is… I still keep my cell phone fairly close by.<br /><br />And I’m on my third cell phone right now. As the contract is ending soon, I might look into getting another upgrade… or at least a comparable replacement, because I can’t think of what I would get that’s better then this one. It’s got a 2 Megapixel camera, plays music, has an audio recorder, has a calendar, I can check e-mail, has some games, not to mention… now get this: It actually makes *and takes* phone calls. (You knew that gag was coming, admit it.)<br /><br />I was considering of getting an iPhone, or one of the comparable Android phones… but you know, to make those worth it, you need to buy a data plan for the phone, which would end up tacking on another $2000 or so by the time the contract is up. No thanks… I don’t have that much disposable income.<br /><br />But as sort of a “compromise”… I did get an iPod Touch instead. It can hold ALL my music, shows video (so I can share neat things I find with friends), has some pretty cool “Apps” (some of which are actually useful), has Wi-Fi connection for places that offer it free. Really, the only things it can’t do is: be a phone, or take pictures on it. That’s okay, my regular phone does that. And I can live without the cellular Internet. So, after a few weeks of considering, I treated myself, and have been pretty happy with it.<br /><br />One thing I don’t like doing with my gadgets is trying to “one-up” or use it as part of a Penis-Size Competition. You know what I mean, too. If you get/do something, someone has to point out that THEY got/did something cooler, shinier and more impressive. (My oldest brother has been known to do this) Personally, I figure, “I need mine to do A, B, and C. Can it do those? Yes? Great, now I don’t give a crap that yours can do D, E, F or G. No, no… I get it. F and G are *really* peachy keen. I still don’t care.” Penis-Size Competitions: No actual phallus needed.<br /><br />I was looking into getting an E-Reader, like the Kindle or Barnes and Noble Nook. I especially thought the Nook was the neatest between the two… but when I went into a store to play around with one (prior to ordering), I wasn’t able to see how a .pdf looks on it, plus the touch screen was a little slow to respond, and a few other concerns. But between those two, it still looked to be the better product. But then that Apple iPad was announced.<br /><br />Now, I didn’t start drooling over the iPad like a lot of people did. I did find it humorous though, that within minutes after its announcement, all the males on Twitter were excited for it… and all the females were making Maxi-pad jokes about it. Personally, I didn’t see the big deal. Now, yes, I’ve been wanting an E-Reader, but I liked the size of the Kindle and the Nook. The iPad… way too big for my liking. That’s not exactly “portable” to me. (Portable to me means, it can fit somewhere on my person, out of the way, and I get to have both hands free. The smaller the satchel, bag, backpack it can fit in, the better.) But the iPad is in color, with better touch response, its faster, etc. Frankly, it’s an oversized iPod Touch. (Which was another point that leaned me towards getting that) If they had the exact same thing… only the size of the Kindle/Nook… I’d probably have gotten that. I’d even wait for the 3G version. The only thing that the iPad has done, is convince me to keep waiting, because now none of it looks that appealing to me. (Also, it’s surprisingly easy to read on the iPod Touch… or iPad Nano, I guess.)<br /><br />Not all technology these days is interesting to me.<br /><br />I’ve yet to get completely excited by Blu-Ray, or Hi-Def. Personally, I don’t mind that theatrical movies are at 24 frames per second. Yes, it’s ironic that the higher quality resolution and framerates look cheesy and fake to us (The webcomic <a href="http://www.xkcd.com/732/">XKCD</a> just did a bit about this the other day.), but I still like the gritty, muted look to a lot of movies. Call it nostalgia, but I find it easier to get lost in a story when I’m not being distracted by the detail on every blade of grass or hair on someone’s head. And it’s only going to be seen on movies made in the last 5 years, maybe. Everything before that? They weren’t intended to be seen at that resolution. So… it just seems pointless.<br /><br />The latest gadget I bought, is going a bit old-school. Actually a lot old-school. It’s a camera. Not a digital camera… and actual film-load 35mm camera. I was hanging out with a friend of mine in Boston and saw this assortment of “unique” cameras. All film-ones, construction was plastic and a bit cheap… one model was strictly a “fish-eye”, it distorts all the pictures like you’re looking through a peep-hole on a door. Another looked like a 1920s box camera… and the one that interested me, had 4 lenses on it. It takes 4 mini sequential pictures on one frame of film. Each photo is divided into quarters, and you see 1 full second of an event, broken into four frames. They call it the “Actionsampler”. Now, sure, I could probably take one of my digital cameras, put it on “sequence burst” so it takes 3 or so pictures one after another, and then photoshop them together… but somehow the nostalgia of doing it the old-fashioned way is a bit on the romantic side for me. Yeah, I never had much luck with actual <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2008/09/looking-through-another-eye.html">film cameras in the past</a>, but I do know a little bit more, (at least where NOT to take pictures) so hopefully some of these can turn out a little better.<br /><br />Hey, it was cheap, novel… and interesting to me. And I’m not <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2010/03/romance-vs-intimacy-eternal-battle.html">dating</a> anyone, so why not treat myself? It’s a better reason then some people have when getting new toys.<br /><br />What are some gadgets YOU love or hate?V. Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17784637105545220269noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34511226.post-87567109605507323552010-04-01T22:31:00.001-04:002010-04-01T22:43:29.227-04:00The Cut of My JibDuring my <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2010/03/funemployment.html">unintentional sabbatical</a>… I ended up hitting the gym… a lot. I really just needed to get out of the house, because staring at my computer screen just wasn’t working for me. (and by “not working” I mean, “driving me crazy”) Before, I always went to the gym on my way home from work… because it was on the way, and extremely convenient. Now, of course, it had to be a special trip. So let’s see: Special trip… or sit in the house and be depressed, lazy and crazy. I’ll take “Special Trip”, please. I needed something, anything, to do… and going to the gym seemed like a nice, healthy option. Hey, I was paying for it anyway… might as well get my money’s worth out of it.<br /><br />So I went every day, Monday through Friday, and took weekends off to recuperate. Mondays and Thursdays was arms and upper body, Tuesday and Fridays lower body and abs, and Wednesday was nothing but Cardio. I was silently proud to be sticking to my <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2008/10/do-over-make-over.html">make-over plans</a>, and occasionally getting nice compliments from friends. But due to my own critical view of my self, and judging by the horrible <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2010/02/putting-harm-in-eharmony.html">dating</a> luck I was having, I always saw/see the flaws and knew/know I still had/have a long way to go.<br /><br />Then, when I gotten into August of that year, the Temp agency I was going through gave me the distinct impression that “things were picking up” and I would be having some impending interviews approaching. So I pulled out my suit… the one I’ve previously mentioned as “my first suit”. Now, I bought this during another bought of unemployment, again for the purposes of interviews (and also since I had nothing nice to wear should the occasion arise). When I did that, I had been in a period of “letting myself go” a little too much. This was after my old medical problems, in which my weight fluctuated wildly from too low to too high, and then settled on “too high”. So when I was being fitted for this suit… I was given the “Executive Cut”.<br /><br />I understood from the get-go that “Executive Cut” was just a friendly euphemism. It meant I was tubby. Any guy that takes offense to that, saying, “Hey… I’M wearing an Executive Cut suit!” Guess what? Nothing wrong with it. It just is what it is. You’re no less a quality person… now shut up and accept it. All that matters is that you have a suit that looks good on you, so chill.<br /><br />Well, now my suit *didn’t* look as good on me. I know I had lost a little bit from my waist, and the suit (and sportcoat) were a little big on me. So, I had to go on a little errand… one that I was actually looking forward to doing.<br /><br />I brought the suit and the sportcoat back into Men’s Wearhouse (the one with the tailoring department), went up to the counter and said, “It gives me great pleasure to finally be able to say this: I need to have my suit taken in.”<br /><br />Yeah, it did feel good to say it… to know that I’ve made enough progress with exercising, and that it was noticeable enough to affect my clothing (in a good way). It was a nice positive reinforcement, and I was smiling. The tailor said, “That’s great. If you would please go put it on, we’ll take the measurements and then take it in.” So, I went into the little dressing room, put on my Executive Cut suit, and stepped back out onto the sales floor, waiting for the tailor.<br /><br />He came over, started measuring, and soon said, “Well, this isn’t going to work.”<br /><br />Me: “What do you mean?”<br /><br />“This was YOUR suit?”<br /><br />“Yeah, I even bought it from here, it’s on your records.”<br /><br />Then he excused himself for a second, and brought over a saleswoman, and they both started tugging and pulling on the suit, folding it up against me, etc… basically using me as a mannequin… and both seemed…. Amazed.<br /><br />I’m just standing there, not sure what the problem is… I just need the suit taken in a little bit, right?<br /><br />Wrong.<br /><br />The pants of the suit I had brought in (which were tailored for me when I got it) had a 40-inch waist.<br /><br />I now needed a 34-inch waist.<br /><br />Keep in mind that on a suit, the waist isn’t just above the hips where we normally wear our pants, but rather higher up, just under the belly button. So I lost 6 inches around my belly… a hell of a lot more then I thought I lost.<br /><br />So the pants now look like they were another hand-me-down, and the suitcoat and blazer are similarly swimming on me now. They asked me, “How much weight did you lose?” “Well… according to the scale, only about 5 lbs.” (I guess this is proof I’ve been replacing it with muscle, huh?) They looked at each other and back at me, amazed and smiling… all the while looking over the racks of clothing.<br /><br />Uh… are they trying to find one that’s my new size to use as a template for cutting these down? I wondered hopefully… and futilely, it would turn out. No, they were looking for a new suit for me.<br /><br />I asked them, “Can’t you just take this one in?”<br /><br />The tailor then proceeded to explain how they “could”… but he would have to take so much material out that the suit wouldn’t look right. He couldn’t guarantee that it would look good. To put it bluntly… it would look like a Picasso. (His Cubist period, for you Art-History Majors. Never say I don’t show you any love.)<br /><br />The old suit, with the Executive Cut, was created with a belly in mind… every cut and stitch of it is molded around that idea. A belly of which I apparently didn’t have anymore (even if I do still see it when I look in the mirror… man, am I self-critical or what?).<br /><br />If they can’t take it in… and I obviously can’t wear it to interviews without looking like an 8-year-old playing in Dad’s wardrobe… It looks like I don’t really have much of a choice.<br /><br />Thinking of the personal accomplishment, I cheerfully thought, “I need a new suit!”<br /><br />Then the logistical aspect came to mind, and I thought, “Oh… I… need a new suit?”<br /><br />Then the dawning of financial horror… “Holy crap… I need a new suit…”<br /><br />I’ve always tried to not be “cheap”, but as someone who’s never HAD a lot of money, shelling out a few hundred on the spur of the moment isn’t exactly something I’m used to. Anything that costs over $50, I feel hesitant, and over $100, I feel I have to “think about it” because it feels like an “investment”. (Which, yes, this is an investment.) And being unemployed at the time sure didn’t help, to put it mildly. I felt my heart beat faster, and thought I was starting to panic. It was something I *had* to spend right there. (You probably don’t want to hear my inner monologue when I need to have expensive car repairs done… I want to curl into a fetal position and shut out the world.) And I never got to wear the old suit that often… so that was feeling like I had to throw away $500 worth of clothes I didn’t get to enjoy.<br /><br />But the tailor and the saleswoman started looking through the racks, and found a nice suit for about $300. That’s a good price for a suit… but still… $300. I did refuse when they asked about replacing the sport-coat… I figured that wouldn’t be a good idea at that time. They were able to do the few needed alterations right there, and I could leave in an hour with it.<br /><br />So, while I was waiting for that to be done… I had to just walk around the mall and kill some time. And what else am I going to think about other then, “Oh God… I just spent a crapload of money on something that *feels* frivolous (after all, a suit isn’t necessary for actual caveman-like day-to-day survival), and I don’t really have money coming in.” Sure, I had to collect unemployment, but I feel guilty using that for anything that isn’t vital to caveman-like survival. (I hate feeling like a leech on the system, and I was hesitant to even apply in the first place)<br /><span style="font-style:italic;"><br />Yes, I know normal people don’t think like this, and wouldn’t have a problem with it, or even for the reasons that I do. Whatever made you think I was normal?</span><br /><br />But all these things… these possibly unfounded neuroses running through my head… and then I go and end up making the biggest mistake I could at the time.<br /><br />You see, I was feeling vulnerable. I was feeling stressed, and a more then a bit worried. I needed encouragement. I needed to hear, “Its okay. Needing and getting this suit is a VERY good thing. You’ve made a great accomplishment, losing those inches. You deserve this, it’ll look great. Keep your chin up, it’s gonna work out wonderfully.” I needed some kind words… I needed assurance. <br /><br />I needed to call and talk to my Emotional Support System.<br /><br />Instead, I called my parents.<br /><br />Apparently, I had a lapse of memory, and thought they were in that category. Sure, that sounds cruel and unfair. But my parents are “every silver lining has a dark cloud” kind of people… and as thankful as I am to them for bringing me into this world and doing what they can for me over the years; emotionally speaking… they are NOT the people I can talk to for that kind of support. I think the fact that I tried in this instance may say that I wish they WERE, but every instance of trying to tell them anything, good or bad, has pretty much blown up in my face.<br /><br />My mom answers, and I tell her what’s going on. Instead of what I wanted and needed to hear, she said, “Well, can they just take the other suit in a *little* in case you gain some weight back?”<br /><br />“… I’m sorry, what?”<br /><br />Is it just me, or did that sound… how shall I say it? A bit “un-encouraging”? Is that essentially a vote of no-confidence in my efforts at the gym and eating better? Because it sure as hell sounded like it.<br /><br />I tried to explain exactly how much I’d lost, and how taking the old suit in “a little” wasn’t exactly an option. When my father got in on the conversation later on, he remarked how if I keep going to the gym, I’m “just going to need ANOTHER suit.” Now, that one may be more of a “delivery” kind of thing… because where he was putting the emphasis did not sound like it was celebrating the accomplishment of slimming down, but of the annoyance of having to do this errand again. (Even though it was for me, and nothing to do with him)<br /><br />Now, if I lost *another* 6 inches from where I am now… I wouldn’t be worried about a suit that fits… I’d be worried about a hospital gown that fits, because that’s where I’d be treated for malnutrition. No, I wouldn’t be crossing another tailoring-threshold, and any adjustments to a smaller size would be minor ones, fixed with a simple “taking in”. It wouldn’t be changing the “cut” of the suit. His reply echoed my Mom’s initial statement; “Well, you better keep the old suit for when you gain the weight back.” (Notice his has a bit more certainty in it then my Mother’s.)<br /><br />Wow. Just… wow. I have to wonder if my family ever actually *listens* to themselves.<br /><br />So, back to when I was waiting at the mall for the suit to be finished… and NOT feeling as good as I had hoped at this point… I went to look outside my immediate family. (I definitely wasn’t going to try my brothers… at best I’d get an “Okay, so?”) I texted a friend of mine, summarizing the situation… and thankfully, she told me what I needed to hear. This *was* a good thing… it’s a great thing! Sure, I didn’t get much use out of the old suit, but why should care about a suit that looks crappy on me? I worked hard, and I deserve this… I deserve to look good, dammit. This was definitely the right thing.<br /><br />When I picked up my suit… I did, in fact, feel a hell of a lot better. If anyone ever wonders why I’m so fiercely loyal to my friends… it’s for things like this.<br /><br />And I would come to realize later… the financial hit wasn’t as bad as I thought. My months of being frugal hadn’t sapped my savings like I was afraid it was, and monetarily, my situation was a-okay. I *probably* could have afforded a sport coat as well… but I still figured it wiser to wait on that.<br /><br />But eventually, when I did start working again… I went and bought myself a SECOND suit. So I could have some variety. And then this winter, I even bought two sport-coats. In both instances, I had considered and decided ahead of time, so the buying was actually a pleasurable experience rather than a spur-of-the-moment-stress event. (And in neither case did I bother to tell the ‘rents.)<br /><br />Now I’m looking for more opportunities to wear them.V. Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17784637105545220269noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34511226.post-73726055692330376622010-03-22T01:53:00.003-04:002010-03-22T09:15:15.853-04:00Romance vs. Intimacy: The Eternal BattleI’m *not* a Romantic.<br /><br />That’s actually a conclusion I’ve been somewhat hesitant to come to, because… I’d *like* to be. I have tried… and I’ve failed, miserably. That’s okay, I now come to terms with it. I am horrible at Romance.<br /><br />What I am good at… is Intimacy. (and I’m not talking about the Sexual context… get out of the gutter. Or at least get out of my spot!)<br /><br />Okay, maybe that’d be up for debate when you start getting the opinions and feedback of my Exes… but at the very least I’m *better* at Intimacy then Romance.<br /><br />Some might be looking at me oddly (actually, that’s not any different from what I’m used to…) and wondering “What is the difference?” Normally, I would have figured them the same, or pretty damn near the same thing. But no more shall I do this… I shall now get nitpicky.<br /><br />As per what I usually do when I start to differentiate between specific words… I look them up in the “pocket dictionary” I’ve had since Grad School. (Yet, I’ve never had pockets that big in my life.) Sure, maybe it’s a bit cliché, but why the hell not? So, I looked up “Intimacy” and found this definition:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">1.</span> To make timid; fill with fear. <span style="font-weight:bold;">2.</span> To coerce, inhibit, or discourage by or as if by threats.<br /><br />Is it fairly telling, the fact that I said, “You know, that makes sense…” and THEN realized I was looking at the definition of “INTIMIDATE” instead? (Sure, it says the two words have different roots, but I think they just don’t want to admit it.) Hey, I say it’s an honest mistake. Anyhoo…<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">in∙ti∙mate</span> <span style="font-style:italic;">adj.</span> <span style="font-weight:bold;">1.</span> Marked by close acquaintance, association, or familiarity. <span style="font-weight:bold;">2.</span> Essential; innermost. <span style="font-weight:bold;">3.</span> Comfortably private…<br /><br />As for the other…<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">ro∙mance</span> <span style="font-style:italic;">n</span> <span style="font-weight:bold;">1.a.</span> A love affair. <span style="font-weight:bold;">b.</span> Romantic involvement <span style="font-style:italic;">(thanks, redundancy really helps… he sarcastically says in a sarcastic manner)</span>; love. <span style="font-weight:bold;">2.</span> A mysterious fascinating quality or appeal, as of something adventurous… <br /><br />Ah ha! That’s it! I *knew* there was a difference! It’s #2… that’s what I believe people are really talking about when they say they want “romance”. That’s what I’m horrible at.<br /><br />I don’t know if I can say I wear my heart on my sleeve, but I can say I’m pretty damn honest, even from meeting me right away. I’m not cultivating any kind of “mystique of a secret past” or brooding and looking all <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2008/05/deep-doo-doo.html">deep</a> like some kind of pathetic and sparkly-stalking-vampire (modern teen ideas of Romance are majorly Fucked up, BTW). I’m the kind of person who, if you want to know about me, I’ll tell you. Ask any question, and I’ll answer it. No problemo. (I don’t have a lot of pride in that area, and very little embarrasses me.) While I love reading mysteries and watching them on TV and movies… I myself am no mystery. Hell, if you’ve read even a few of the posts on this blog, you know a pretty good amount about me. Sure, you may not know my actual identity… the whole <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2008/04/who-is-victor-riley.html">pen-name</a> thing… but you’ll know me. The name is really just a minor detail. Even then, you send me a private message on here or <a href="http://twitter.com/VictorRiley">Twitter</a>… Hell, I’ll probably send you my Facebook page, if you’re really curious. Has pictures and everything.<br /><br />Yeah, I’m a sap like that. But I like people knowing about me… just as much as I like knowing about other people. I like the familiarity, I like knowing the real person… I like them knowing the real me. I like… the Intimacy. Hell… I love it! <br /><br />That leads to the big kicker… and what seems to make the two terms (dare-I-say) polar opposites, rather the similar kind that was assumed before:<br /><br />The more you get to know someone, the less Romance you have with them. But it’s not a bad thing… because the trade-off is… you gain real Intimacy. (Personally, I think that’s better.)<br /><br />Alright, I’m sure I just opened myself up to some comments saying, “No, I can have both! I want it!” Sure, because everybody wants everything. <br /><br />Intimacy is a long-term satisfaction… and it takes work to get there. It takes time. You get to know the real person… and hopefully you actually *like* that real person. If you don’t? Well, you should know not to waste anymore time, right?<br /><br />Granted, in some ways Intimacy might be a bit of an unseen trap. About 7 or 8 years ago, I knew this gal (of whom I had a slight interest in at the time I admit) who was chatting about her Ex and how she “loved him, but wasn’t *in* love with him”, and trying to explain that paradox. She’s more then willing to go out and date other people, but when she hits a personal crisis, or something really bothered and upset her… she went running to him to talk and get comfort. Her reasoning was, “we just know each other so well anyway that it’s just easier to go to him because he would understand without me saying that much.” Sure, that’s sound logic… but at the same time, I wanted to tell her that she should just pack it in and marry the guy. Because she didn’t seem open to the idea of getting to that level of intimacy with anyone else… because the Ex was easier. She was looking for romance elsewhere… but the real intimacy was always with the Ex. I couldn’t see her finding a new relationship that would be okay with that… which is why I allowed my own interest to fade. If you know the real person, and really know that person isn’t for you? Recognize that you need to look elsewhere. (Just don’t say “I do” until you figure that part out.)<br /><br />This might also help explain why I’m in contact with so few of my Exes… I don’t like the reminder of NOT having that particular Intimacy anymore.<br /><br />In some ways, I think Romance is a bit about the short-term satisfaction. The quick, immediate excitement. Sure there’s also the parts of candle-lit dinners, thoughtfulness of birthdays, declarations of love that people call “romantic”… but I think those are things more tilted into the Intimacy category, then true Romance. Romance is… exciting. It’s the unknown. Sorry to repeat myself… but it’s Mystery.<br /><br />Like I said at the beginning… *I* like Romance. Excitement can be fun. Surprises are peachy-keen. I think everybody likes stuff that is new and exciting… maybe even feeling a bit dangerous. It’s a neat thrill.<br /><br />And maybe I just uncovered an element that might give an insight as to why some people choose to cheat in their relationships. They’re looking for the Romance. Unfortunately, they’re doing so at the complete expense of the Intimacy they had in that relationship. Being an admitted Non-Romantic… I cannot condone that. I might be able to “understand” it… but only as far as to know to recognize it and not submit to it.<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">(Meanwhile: In the Gutter: The one thing I can NOT understand at all is why certain celebrities would cheat on their spouses… when the spouses are Hotter and more <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2008/07/adjective-grudge-match-hot-vs-beautiful.html">Beautiful</a> then any of the mistresses. That just seems pointless. Don’t you at least want a visual upgrade? If you’re in that powerful a position in life, you should be able to find a mistress that would make your emotionally-suffering-wife say, “This is a horrible ordeal for me and the children… but to be fair, that other gal is *waaaay* Hot. If I was a lesbian… I’m just saying…” And the kids saying, “Dad, how could you do this? By the way, high-five!”)</span><br /><br />I’ve never been one to take Intimacy for granted. I’ve been broken up with far more then I’ve been the one doing the breaking up, and the few times I did, it was because I was starting to see the real person, and knowing it wasn’t a good situation for me to be in. (One instance looked downright unhealthy… but that’s another story.) Plus, spending more time in my dating life single rather than in a relationship (healthy or unhealthy), personally I put more importance on the Intimacy then Romance. I can’t do the short-term satisfaction… I’m a long-term kinda guy.<br /><br />Unfortunately, it appears that I’m also NOT the kind of guy that single women want to actually date.<br /><br />In High School and in my 20s… being the patient sort of chap that I am, I theorized that all the women at my age were still wanting their kicks with the “Bad Boys” and <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2008/05/deep-doo-doo.html">Deep</a> A-holes, that when I got into my 30s… I was going to have the greatest dating life in history. Because by then, women would know they don’t want the Bad Boys, and being in their sexual peak during the early to mid-30s… I was optimistic the best years were ahead of me.<br /><br />This was even encouraged by friends of mine who would even tell me, “Dude, trust me… women are going to *want* a guy like you when they’re older.” You know… if I had a time-machine, I wouldn’t go kill Hitler or witness the great historical events of the world. I’d go back to those instances of encouragement… and I’d kick those people in the face. (Come to think of it… some did show up later those days with mysterious injuries. One had a footprint on him with the treads that looked remarkably similar to a pair of shoes I just got…. Hmmm, I wonder….)<br /><br />It has NOT been the prime years for dating, no-sir-ee. It’s a subject I’ve gone over a few times before… but the last time? The whole <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2010/02/putting-harm-in-eharmony.html">eHarmony</a> fiasco? Yep, it is officially a complete dud. I ended off that post with an air of hopefulness, as I was in contact with one gal… and we had gotten to a 3rd date. The only one from online that I had gotten to that point with. We even got to a fourth date. We even made plans for a fifth date. Now #5 was 2 weeks from #4… I didn’t mind waiting. I’m sure you, dear reader, know that I go slower then a snail through a tar pit. My reputation may not precede me… but moves alongside me.<br /><br />4 dates… no kissing, no hand-holding… not even any hugging. Hell, we barely touched. Now, I didn’t see any opportunities to take such movements… but hopeful they would come in the future. I was enjoying my time with her regardless, and figuring she was either respecting my slow-ass-pace… or went at that pace herself.<br /><br />Well, the day before the scheduled date #5 (this past Friday), she calls me. I’m happy to hear from her, figuring we would solidify our specific plans for the next day… and then she tells me that she “didn’t see a future for us.”<br /><br />…Ow. I felt like I just got kicked in the gut (and not by my future self).<br /><br />She said she really enjoyed spending time with me, and always had a really good time… but didn’t feel anything “Romantic” with me and… (here it comes) only thought of me as a friend.<br /><br />You have no idea how loud I wanted to scream, “Go Fuck Yourself!” to her… and I think I actually came close to doing so. But I didn’t. I do think it was apparent I was audibly upset… and when she said she thought of me only as a friend, I replied:<br /><br />“Yeah, I get that a lot.”<br /><br />She giggled at that… and I know it was an uncomfortable thing for her to do, and it was probably more of an awkward-trying-to-relieve-tension-giggle… but still; I wasn’t joking. Honestly, if she hadn’t said that… maybe I wouldn’t be so upset here.<br /><br />I have seriously heard that same speech far too many times in my life, and I am sick to death of hearing it. Where are all these women that are supposed to want a guy like me? They all want the Romance. And I offer Intimacy.<br /><br />She said she had given it time, but didn’t feel Romantic feelings with me. I can only think that if she wanted Romance, why didn’t she try walking a little closer to me when we strolled, to give me a chance to take her hand? Why, at the end of our brief dates, did she quickly get into her car or house door, saying “goodbye/good night” over her shoulder, and not stop, face me and look at me for 2 seconds, to give me a chance to try for a kiss? Why not even try for a date longer then a mere 2 hours at a time? Why not give me a chance to provide that Romance?<br /><br />No, I don’t think she gave it enough time. Especially not with me. For other guys maybe it’s enough time. But not me.<br /><br />But here she was, giving me the age-old rejection speech. Additionally frustrating in the fact that it wasn’t even original. So, the fifth date did NOT happen. In fact, it ruined not only the rest of my night, but the whole weekend, as I’ve been pretty much stewing in it since.<br /><br />Sure, I’ve been going through the thoughts of joining a monastery… but I don’t think I could do all the praying and chanting. I *have* come to the conclusion that the Internet dating doesn’t work for me… not one bit. So that’s one more road that is closed off. In fact, it really just seems that I really don’t belong in the world of Dating. I know that’s an extreme, because you can’t get to a relationship without the Dating… but when everyone seems to want the one thing I’m not good at giving, how can I get to giving what I *am* good at? (Or at least better at) Sadly, it’s the one thing that the evidence seems to point to, from this view.<br /><br />I don’t know if I’ll feel better or different in a few days… hopefully I will. But this conclusion is feeling more definitive then ever before.<br /><br />Just don’t say, “Wait until your forties! THEN they’ll be breaking down your door!” Because you’ll get boot to the head *right now*.<br /><br />And the next single woman that says she only thinks of me as a friend WILL get the very loud volume-turned-to-11-FUCK YOU!!!<br /><br />Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going back to the gutter for awhile. At least it’s more entertaining there.V. Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17784637105545220269noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34511226.post-2391521025054772852010-03-06T11:31:00.001-05:002010-03-06T11:34:20.389-05:00Funemployment(Hey, look… my first sequel post. <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2010/03/not-what-i-meant-by-getting-laid.html">Here’s the first part</a>.)<br /><br />So, I was forced back out into the cold, cold world of job-searching. Confused, shocked, depressed, filled with dread… and I was still in the parking lot of my now ex-place-of-employment.<br /><br />After a few deep breaths, I said, “Well, no use sitting on my ass.” (Yes, I said this to an otherwise-empty car.)<br /><br />I started to drive back home… stopping off at the Temp Agency that got me placed at that company in the first place. I went right in, told them what just happened, and asked to re-open my file, which they did. I was now back in the Temp Loop… which is better then being in no loop, for sure.<br /><br />Now, they told me how jobs were slim, but it would *hopefully* pick up fairly soon. It certainly wasn’t going to be the only method I used, but it was a start, at least.<br /><br />Over the coming days, I would start to reflect on the reasons I was laid off. And I know it wasn’t “anything personal” (to the company, although definitely personal to me) or any performance-based reason why I was laid off (that I was told of). I did my job, and I think I did it well.<br /><br />No, this was an accounting issue (for lack of a better term… I don’t mean it was the Accountant’s fault). So, in that context… I still tried to find some reasonable explanation. And since I have a tendency to over-think things… and think in odd ways… the standard answers don’t seem to work for me.<br /><br />The first standard answer is “profits are down”. What exactly does that mean? Does that mean they are LOSING money? Meaning… no profit at all. The operating costs exceed the income. Then yeah… I can understand that. Or does it mean what it actually is saying… “profits are down”… they’re just not making AS MUCH a profit as they’d like to? They’re still making a profit… just not as big as they want. (Aw, poor baby) So, after all operating costs, and subtract that from the income you make, you still have money left over.<br /><br />This is actually the situation that I think most companies are in. Profits are simply a little less. So… why the need to fire people? If you expect your employees to be loyal, and they continue to bring in a positive profit in an ailing economy, why do the same rules not apply to the company? In my fantasy world, if I own a company and I can afford to pay everyone, including myself, pay for everything I need, and at the end of the year, NOT owe money to anyone… then it’s a good year. If after that, the profit is only 1 dollar… its still a profit. Sure, you won’t be able to give any raises, or be able to “expand” like you wanted… but that’s the fault of the ailing economy! Sure, we got this ailing economy because of some greedy Mother-F-ers grabbing for every penny… but doing the same thing isn’t going to get us OUT of it. If you stay even, and weather out the storm, and you’re not *losing* money… when it does turn around, you’ll be in a better position to cash in. Not to mention what it does for the esteem and loyalty of your employees… you’ll actually be Walking what other companies are Talking with that subject. You’ll really have your “(Insert company name) Family”.<br /><br />“Oh, but the Shareholders are demanding large profits.”<br /><br />Shareholders, huh? Granted, I oversimplify a lot of things. Business acumen is not my forte. But it appears to me that things like “dividends” and whatnot, in regards to Stocks don’t mean a whole lot, monetarily. No, the primary flow of cash comes from the buying and selling of said stocks. <br /><br />So you have someone that buys a large number of shares… partially owning the company… wants heavy profits so the stock value goes up… so he can sell off his shares, and NOT be an owner of the company?<br /><br />Why should the rest of the company be so concerned with someone who really wants nothing to do with it?<br /><br />I admit, I don’t normally meet owners of companies that honestly have no long-term interest in how their company does. Nor do I meet ones that are willing to do NOTHING to help it thrive. But that’s what shareholders do… they become part owners, then sit back and do nothing waiting for the value to go up.<br /><br />If you honestly have a vested interest… and want the company to, oh I don’t know, get more clients… get off your ass and help find more clients for YOUR company. That’s not how being a shareholder works? That’s fine… but you shouldn’t have the right to complain, then. Stocks are like gambling… you can gain money, and you can lose money. But you can’t go to the dealer and say, “Hey, I put down a large bet, so give me a straight flush. I demand it.” You take your cards and you live with them.<br /><br />And realize that after you buy a stock… you don’t actually gain or lose money until you SELL it. So what if it drops to less then you paid for it? Don’t sell! Give it time, and it will go the other way, and you’ll make a profit. Oh, you want money *now*? Well, McDonalds is hiring. Yes, there’s a chance the company could tank and fold… you were gambling in the first place. See last sentence of previous paragraph.<br /><br />Alright, anyone that has a personal knowledge of stocks and business is probably thinking I’m a huge idiot right now, and that’s fine. This is just one layman’s take on it. And I’m not talking bad about capitalism… that’s our system, no problem. I get that, and am fine with it. But it does breed some greedy mother-f-ers, and you may think it does nothing BUT breed greedy mother-f-ers. I don’t think so. I think there is room for compassion and loyalty in the system… but it does seem to be hard to find. Hence why I became one of many “victims of the economy”.<br /><br />Regardless… I had to re-start the job search. Updated the resume, got about 6 weeks of coaching from that career-transition service that talked to me mere seconds after receiving my pink slip (which wasn’t actually pink, by the way… nor was it a slip)… and was on my computer for 6+ hours each day looking for work and leads. I wasn’t having luck. (Also part of why I wasn’t finding time to blog… I was tired of looking at my computer!)<br /><br />I even tried a few job fairs… the first one even made it on the news, because it was so insane. They expected 40,000 people… and about 200,000 showed up. Including me. I showed up at 9:00am in the parking lot, and the show was to start at 9:30. I didn’t even make it onto the shuttle bus until after noon. (I felt like I was back in a cattle call audition in L.A… on one hand it was a good thing, because I was used to it) Then, when I got to the site, I had to wait *another* hour in *another* line to get into the building where the fair was. Ugh... just thinking about it makes me shake my head. I had a list of about 30 companies I had planned to talk to, and the longer I waited in line, the more names I had to cross off… distilling it down to my absolute essentials, figuring that’s all I’d have time for (figuring about 8 minutes of waiting at each one, and a few more minutes of talking to the representatives, etc). Turns out I got to talk to *every* company… because each one took about 13 seconds. “Oh yeah, you apply online. All that info is online. All the descriptions are online. You can give your resume online.” I wanted to grab each person I saw and just scream, “Then… WHY ARE YOU BOTHERING TO BE HERE???” It was so pointless and frustrating… and only served to show that actual “job fairs” are pointless and outdated. I was making more progress futilely job-searching in my pajama pants.<br /><br />And boy, does it seem futile. Frustration just seems to pile up more and more every day. It racks its toll on your psyche, your esteem… pretty much any angle you think of it, it impacts it negatively.<br /><br />(Not to mention it made the whole <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2010/02/putting-harm-in-eharmony.html">dating</a> thing (even more) awkward for me… sure everyone seemed so understanding because of the economy, but I can’t imagine it’s a big plus to hear that your dating prospect is “between jobs”. Usually that’s a euphemism for “Deadbeat Loser”.)<br /><br />I will say, one good thing that came out of being laid-off… it got me to think. I’ve always been able to exist in an office environment, and even make a positive impact. But it’s not *me*. That’s not what I love doing. Hell, I have 2 degrees in Theatre! Though, knowing that industry is suffering just as much, if not more then before… I sat down and started to think about “what would make me happy?” Because I’d rather not go into another job that I only tolerate… I want something I can look forward to, and actually enjoy the work I do. So what “realistic” job would fit that description?<br /><br />And then I remembered… I enjoyed teaching.<br /><br />Back when I taught Theatre at a small college just outside of Los Angeles, I really liked it. Sure, the bureaucracy was frustrating… and it wasn’t perfect. But being there in class, teaching 40+ students… was fun.<br /><br />Looking back, I got out of it for pretty silly reasons, and I shouldn’t have. But the individual I was dating at the time (who would soon be NOT the person I was dating), mentioned how I hadn’t been making as much progress on getting to be a professional actor/writer as she thought I should, and I had been thinking she was right… the teaching took up quite a bit of time, and I was thinking it was getting in the way. (Yes, I was actually thinking that it interfered too much with my “Starving Artist” lifestyle) Considering how the next year went (after I stopped teaching)… I would definitely have done it differently.<br /><br />But now I’m thinking I’d like to get back into it. It’s a subject I’m passionate and enthusiastic about… I have fun with it. I enjoyed passing it on to willing ears. And dare I say, I even found it a bit fulfilling. So, I’ve decided to make that my new goal: To get back into it. <br /><br />Thus far, the progress I’ve made in the past year… I’ve been approved to teach online classes through a local university. I’ve gone through the training… (an online class to learn how to teach online classes… appropriate or redundant?) Now I’m just waiting for word of when the class starts. I’m listed as faculty on their website, so it looks like *eventually* something will come along… I just hope it’s somewhat soon. If for nothing else, I’d like to get back into practice. I’m approved to teach “Intro to Drama” and “Shakespeare”… things I’ve taught before, thankfully. But for now… I wait.<br /><br />Was the lay-off a blessing in disguise? Eh… hard to say. I’m doing my best to treat it as such. But it still feels like hassles and hard times that were just thrust upon me without good enough logic.<br /><br />But… I am now currently employed. The temp service found me another company that liked me. I’m back doing Administrative Assistant-work. I’m still there as a “Temp”, which means that it could technically end at any moment… but my boss has stated her intent to hire me on permanent. (Which is a plus) No, it’s not teaching… it’s back to corporate America… but as a day job, it’s a good one. And it will do for now.<br /><br />And it’s something I can do in conjunction with the online teaching (whenever it starts)… hopefully it will give me back some of that security I lost last year… as well as some of the personal fulfillment I’m searching for. And hopefully, the sooner it starts, the sooner I’d be able to parlay it into a regular face-to-face teaching job somewhere. Maybe something will happen, maybe it won’t… but it is my goal.<br /><br />And it is nice to have something to shoot for again.V. Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17784637105545220269noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34511226.post-54155162688504108932010-03-05T09:03:00.001-05:002010-03-05T09:09:22.746-05:00Not what I meant by “Getting Laid”Exactly one year ago today… I got laid off from my job.<br /><br />I had just passed my one-year anniversary with the place, too (about 2 weeks earlier). I had started there as a temp replacement Admin Assistant because the regular one was going on vacation for a month. I was just tooling along for a few weeks, when I was approached by the head of the “Export Compliance” department. (Though, it would also be accurate to say I was approached by the ENTIRETY of the Export Compliance department… as it was just him.) He said he had heard that I was a pretty detail-oriented and focused guy, and he had just been approved to hire an assistant… so he wondered if I would maybe be interested.<br /><br />Now, I didn’t know what was entailed in “Export Compliance”… but it turns out, it’s really just making sure the company is following all of the gazillion laws that the U.S. Government has, when shipping things outside of the country. Ever since 9/11, it’s been a growing necessity for companies, frankly. They’d give me the training and all… which wasn’t that difficult, I thought. Mostly just repetitive paperwork and “busy-work”, frankly. But it would free up him to work on the bigger, more specialized tasks for important account, while I took care of the day-to-day stuff.<br /><br />It would be a permanent position, with a bit of a pay raise, benefits (medical AND dental… and it’d been a very long time since I had insurance for those!) and apparent employment security. But admittedly… none of it was the biggest reason for accepting the job. But, rather:<br /><br />I would be able to tell people I work in “Exports”.<br /><br />And saying that you work in “Exports”… I think we all know what that is really a euphemism for, right?<br /><br />That’s right. Secret Agent.<br /><br />What, you don’t see the connection? Hey, James Bond’s standard cover story was that he worked for “<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Universal_Exports#Receiving_assignment_from_M">Universal Exports</a>”. This is pop culture people! It’s ingrained in our psyche!<br /><br />Sure, in this case, it *wasn’t* a euphemism, but I could FEEL cool, dammit!<br /><br />But yeah… that was seriously the biggest attraction to take the job. That probably says a lot about me.<br /><br />Still… I actually liked the work. At times, it even felt more like “Secret Agent” then I thought it would… especially the time I was subtly threatened from a man in Iran because I was “asking too many questions”. I even got to go on my first honest-to-goodness business trip (a cute little story on its own). The people were nice, and just the act of keeping mentally busy actually charged me creatively in quite a few ways. (The blogging regularity heyday of 2008 occurred during this timeframe.) I was saving money, feeling pretty good, and even having occasional random fun.<br /><br />What random fun, you say? Well, I had fun planting some of the <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2008/04/who-is-victor-riley.html">Victor Riley business cards</a> around. I didn’t put out that many… but I figured I should stop when I saw a company-wide memo from the President that solely addressed this; saying, “for those that don’t know, it’s an anonymous way to congratulate someone on a job well-done. While such reinforcement is positive, we ask that this stop, as we have our own company methods for such rewards…” Yeah, I found it a bit confusing myself… and it appears to have been grossly misinterpreted (especially since I was actually trying to subtly and innocently flirt with the <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2008/07/adjective-grudge-match-hot-vs-beautiful.html">Beautiful</a> Romanian gal from Archives), but nonetheless, I figured it may be wise to stop.<br /><br />One day, another company-wide memo came out… basically saying that due to the troubling economy, the parent corporation that owned our company, was going to be cutting 15% of the workforce. I admit I didn’t get involved in any water-cooler talks with people about this, so I never heard fellow concerns or anything. I also admit… I thought I was safe. The entirety of the “Export Compliance” department was my boss and I. That was it. The two of us were doing everything, and we had more then enough work to occupy ourselves. So I didn’t get into any water-cooler talk, not because I didn’t care… I was busy getting work done. I logically figured that since that’s the situation for us… that I wasn’t going anywhere. <br /><br />How wrong I was. A few weeks went by, and then came March 5th.<br /><br />Earlier that week, my boss had been out of town on a multi-day business meeting… so I was covering his daily tasks as well. This was his first day back. I went in that Thursday morning like I had for the previous year, and noticed nothing different. After about an hour, I saw my boss. I gave him a quick update on the status of things, handed him a few folders that he’d need… and then he asked if I’d come over to his office for a minute. (All things we’ve done a dozen times before) I first started to raise an eyebrow when I walked in, and he closed the door. “Okay, something’s wrong here… did I mess up something big? What’s going on here?”<br /><br />That’s when he brought up the memo about the 15% cuts… and that I’ve been “affected”.<br /><br />To say that I was “shocked”… probably doesn’t begin to cover it. Within seconds of this news, I was given a packet of information, with forms in it that I was to sign (but didn’t have to do so right there), and 2 checks… one for the previous pay period, and the period we were in, which actually paid me for the next day, *and the next week*, too. (We were in the middle of a pay period) And another check that included 2-weeks severance, and pay for the 2 weeks of vacation I had accrued (but hadn’t taken).<br /><br />Sure on the plus side, I now had a couple thousand bucks in my hand… but the security, the certainty, the hoped-for plans I had for that year (like getting an apartment), were out the window. (Not to mention, this wasn’t that long after the “<a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2010/02/putting-harm-in-eharmony.html">2nd-date Denial</a>”… so I *really* wasn’t having a good couple of weeks.)<br /><br />One thing I think I’m pretty good at… is staying calm when I have every reason to NOT. Yes, I was sad and even hurt to be tossed out like this by the company (I could tell that my boss did NOT want to be doing this, and I even had that confirmed later. I had made his life and job a lot easier, and was the reason he could take Fridays off. He just walked in that morning and was told by the higher-ups that he had to let me go… right then)… But I do have my pride. Even if I don’t like the work I do… I like to do my best at it, anyway. So, I asked if I would be allowed to finish out the day. My reasoning: I will never have it be said that I left people in a lurch. Even when having no reason to do a good job… I do it anyway. I like to think I’ve got some integrity, and I prefer to live up to that. (Even though I can hear my dad’s voice saying, “To hell with them” if he were in that situation… just one more way we differ.)<br /><br />My boss actually said that… no, I wasn’t allowed to. In fact, my computer was going to be locked out by 11:00am. He said not to worry about any of the work on my desk…In fact, I could even leave now, if I wanted, and not wait until then. All I had to do, was just gather up my stuff when I got back to my desk. <br /><br />This wasn’t right away… because my now ex-boss directed me to the conference room across the hall… where another gentleman was waiting, one I’d never seen before. He was an outside guy… a “career transition” counselor that the company hired that basically helps prepare us for the new job search. (Keep in mind, this is all MINUTES after getting the can in the first place) He gave me more packets of information, and how he’d be working with me in the coming weeks to help in this time, etc… Everything seemed to move so fast… because it was. This was the highest level of efficiency I’d seen in a long time… and thinking back on how that all tooled along, and how I wasn’t allowed to finish the day, and whatnot… everything was absolutely set-up with the expectation that I was going to take an absolute nutty. Sure, maybe *some* people might (I wasn’t the only one getting cut that day… I even found out later, to my surprise, the hot Romanian gal got cut too!), but knowing how *I* am, and how I’d rather stoically bear it, Clint-Eastwood style… it did feel a bit extra degrading, being “processed” so quickly.<br /><br />Still… to my ideals, I don’t want to leave people in a lurch. So, yes, my boss said to not worry about the unfinished work… but I did finish up a few in-progress things on my desk. I separated into two piles… the finished and the unfinished (even put sticky notes listing them as such), I clearly laid out the folder I made called, “How To Do My Job”, with all the procedural things that I had detailed out (in the case that someone would one day have to cover for me, and not know exactly what to do), and then gathered up my belongings.<br /><br />I had to be gone by 11am… but I had everything gathered up by a little after 10. I wasn’t going to be allowed multiple trips… only one. My security pass was taken, so one time was going to be it. Now, I don’t know what would have happened at 11am, had I stuck around… if I was going to be actually escorted off the premises or not. But as I was finishing, I looked up and saw the other people in my section going into the Marketing VPs office, quietly and quickly. I had a few duties that I did for that department, and as such, was considered a part of Marketing. So, I could guess what that impromptu meeting was about. As I had no more reason to stick around… stuff gathered up, everything I needed off my computer is off… I wasn’t going to get to say a polite goodbye. (Like I said, it was set-up like I was going to take a nutty.) Even my boss’s office was closed, so I wouldn’t even get one final handshake.<br /><br />Then… came the most stereotypical, clichéd situation I can recall being part of, in about 10 years. That being, the “long walk”… we’ve all seen it in movies and shows… all the cubicle-possessions, calendars, desk-food stash, stress relievers, small decorations, etc, gathered up in one medium-sized box, carried with both hands, and walking it all out to the car for the just-revealed final time.<br /><br />I honestly felt like I was in the beginning of a bad comedy film.<br /><br />The sun was bright and high in the sky… not normally a time of day in which I experienced that parking lot… as that was usually the growing light of the morning or the fading light of the evening. The concrete was dry, and large piles of snow still scattered around the outlying areas of grass.<br /><br />I got into my car, and before I turned the key to start up the engine and drive off this lot for the last time… something went through my mind. And I said to myself something that I think a lot of people feel when having major news thrust upon them in such short burst of time. When events unfold through no workings of your own and a rapid confusion seems like the only reaction you’re capable of…<br /><br />“What the Fuck just happened?”V. Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17784637105545220269noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34511226.post-34770300179579743412010-02-22T14:59:00.005-05:002010-02-22T15:18:43.512-05:00Co-inky-dink... I swear.Okay, I’ve recently discovered the webcomic <a href="http://questionablecontent.net"><span style="font-weight:bold;"><span style="font-style:italic;">Questionable Content</span></span></a>, and have really been enjoying it. (I found it through <a href="http://www.xkcd.com/"><span style="font-weight:bold;"><span style="font-style:italic;">XKCD</span></span></a>, another one I read often)<br /><br />As it’s a very character-driven comic, I’ve gone back to the beginning to catch up (as it’s now up to about 1600+ strips… it’s taken awhile)… and when I came across <a href="http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=600">#600</a>… well, give a read for yourself.<br /><br />For those that have read my older posts, you might notice the last panel sounds remarkably similar to the beginning of an old post of mine from 2008, the internet classic (or not) <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2008/08/bedroom-communism.html"><span style="font-weight:bold;"><span style="font-style:italic;">Bedroom Communism</span></span></a>. <br /><br />Well… *I* was sure surprised.<br /><br />I’d like to say that “Great minds think alike” (or “Feeble minds seldom differ”), and the author, J. Jacques, and I are just both ahead of our time… except that I wrote mine in 2008, and he wrote that strip in 2006. So even if we are, I’m still 2 years behind him. <br /><br />Damn it!<br /><br />I got the same feeling when I found out there is an <a href="http://www.nfl.com/players/profile?id=RIL787208">NFL player named Victor Riley</a>, who played for the Kansas City Chiefs and the New Orleans Saints. Of course, that became a very different feeling when I discovered that he was charged with felony assault by ramming his SUV into his wife’s car. With her and their kid in it.<br /><br />With this “<a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2008/04/who-is-victor-riley.html">nom de plume</a>” holding a long-standing meaning for me of heroism… that just makes me feel icky. But… I’ve been using this since 1994… and he got drafted in 1998. So *nyah*! I’m going to keep using it… and even despite all the other real-life people that are legitimately named that.<br /><br />If you do a <a href="http://www.google.com">Google</a> search for “Victor Riley”… you’ll get the NFL guy and several of the real people… but if you search for “Victor Riley HERO”… you get this blog. Hells yeah. Sure, maybe not a lot of people are doing that… but the potential is there.<br /><br />So anyway… a shout to <a href="http://questionablecontent.net"><span style="font-weight:bold;"><span style="font-style:italic;">Questionable Content</span></span></a>: Sorry for the unintentional similarity. It’s a great strip! (And I’d like to see Hanners find some happiness/love… even if only temporary. Just sayin’)<br /><br />Back to your irregularly scheduled Blog.V. Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17784637105545220269noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34511226.post-54054615298542733162010-02-17T14:32:00.003-05:002010-02-17T14:42:50.399-05:00I'm a Twit...You may have noticed that since I’ve started to get back to my bloggin’ ways… that there is a new addition to the page. The not-so-latest in a long line of 21st century trends that I’m finally giving a try to:<br /><br />The Twitter Feed.<br /><br />Have I given in? Succumbed to the brain-washing of “the Man”? Have I sold out?<br /><br />Well, seeing as how Twitter is free… not to mention they don’t hire people to write those “tweets”… technically, no. I haven’t sold out.<br /><br />When it first came out… it didn’t really interest me, to tell the truth. Having a social network where all you do is answer, “What are you doing right now?”, is kind of pointless. At least MySpace and Facebook had other things going on. Thankfully… I think the majority of people thought that it too… was pointless. Not that it would dissuade them from using it… just not in such an inane manner. No, they started using it for other things.<br /><br />Even though they say the “concept” of Twitter is still: What are you doing?... it’s more like “Texting to the World”. You can have conversations with specific people, by “tagging” them with @username… but they’re just conversations that you allow everyone to see. In essence… how different is it from having a blog? Only with a Twitter… you have to do it in 140 characters or less.<br /><br />Structure-wise… it makes an interesting challenge.<br /><br />I was asked to research Twitter for my job by my boss… to see if using it could benefit the company. But I figured the best way to do that was to actually set-up an account for myself and play with it. So I did… went poking around. To be honest… it’s not very complicated. The whole thing is pretty straightforward… and I think that simplicity is a big factor to its popularity.<br /><br />And for me… there’s an intriguing element to it. When you pull up your twitter homepage, where it shows all the latest posts from the people you’re following, in chronological order (newest shown first). This includes not only your friends… but the celebrities, too. And it’s all in real-time. As soon as they type it and hit “Enter”… it’s on the web. So when you see one of your favorite celebrities… posting something at the exact same time as a friend, or even yourself… that’s kind of cool. It’s one of those elements of Globalization that actually makes you smile… instead of freaking out in a “Big Brother is coming to get me” kind of way.<br /><br />One of the things that actually got me a tad intrigued… was a bit from an article in <a href="http://www.wired.com/">Wired</a> magazine, from about a year ago. It was a feature on <a href="http://www.wired.com/culture/lifestyle/magazine/16-08/howto_selfpromote">promoting yourself as an internet celebrity</a>. One of the pieces of advice it gave said:<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">"Every single Twitter post you write should be something that could get you laid, ruin a marriage, or bring a tear to a fat little kid's eye."</span> — Joshua Allen<br /><br />Well, I don’t know who Josh Allen is, but I don’t think I agree with C… and doing B would make me feel too guilty… but A sounds like a good <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2008/05/rules-to-live-by.html">guideline</a> to follow. I mean, if you’re going to do something that’s pretty pointless in the first place… at least try to make it interesting. Then it won’t *seem* so pointless, you know?<br /><br />So, that’s what I’m trying to go by… using it as a supplement to the regular blog, really. Any short epiphanies, observations or witty quips that come across my brain… I’ll throw them up there. I’m not accepting any pressure to do it all the time… but when I think of it, I’ll do it.<br /><br />I tend not to do the “retweets”, which is just re-posting something that someone else posted themselves. There were a few times I did a “reply”… which really just tagging them with the “@username” I mentioned above… but I don’t really keep them there. I’ll let them sit for an hour or two, and if the person its referencing sees it in that time, cool. I try not to expect another reply from them (looking to expect things like that from regular people or celebrities, major or pseudo-, tends to lead to disappointment) and just continue on with my day. If they haven’t seen them after 2 hours… chances are there’s already 200 other tweets in their “most-recent” queue, and they won’t see it. So, I’ll delete it to keep my page fairly clean-looking and accessible.<br /><br />I’m going for “Quality” over “Quantity”.<br /><br />The same thing goes for those Twitterers (okay, that’s too many syllables… and sadly, “Twits” feels *too* accurate). I’m being picky who I follow.<br /><br />I’m currently (as of this writing) following 18 people. Among them are:<br /><br />The cast of Dr. Horrible’s Sing-A-Long Blog (<a href="http://twitter.com/ActuallyNPH">Neil Patrick Harris</a>, <a href="http://twitter.com/NathanFillion">Nathan Fillion</a>, and <a href="http://twitter.com/feliciaday">Felicia Day</a>)<br /><a href="http://twitter.com/postsecret">Postsecret</a>… one of my favorite blogs, of which I’ve professed my love of <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2008/09/secret-for-secret.html">before</a>. <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2008/10/postsecret-update-uvm.html">Twice</a>.<br /><a href="http://twitter.com/violetblue">Violet Blue</a>… I’ve mentioned her website <a href="http://www.tinynibbles.com/">tinynibbles</a>.com <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2008/08/bedroom-communism.html">before</a> also.<br /><a href="http://twitter.com/pennjillette">Penn Jillette</a>… of Penn & Teller fame. If you don’t know of them… your life is incomplete.<br /><a href="http://twitter.com/alyankovic">Weird Al Yankovic</a>… and why not?<br /><a href="http://twitter.com/simonpegg">Simon Pegg</a>… one of my favorite British comedic actors.<br /><a href="http://twitter.com/wilw">Will Wheaton</a>… more famous due to the Inter-Web then any Star Trek appearance.<br />And my personal favorite Twittererererer…<br /><a href="http://twitter.com/ValancyJane">Valancy Jane</a>… she’s a real-life friend of mine, and she’s also over on the blogroll on the side of this page. She’s the epitome of quality over quantity, and she’s also the *only* person who’s updates are sent directly to my phone. She’s awesome. Love her, for you must.<br /><br />As for those following ME… I have but 6 at the moment. But hey, those are 6 *really* cool people. I do have one other person that “listed” me… but I don’t really know how different that is from following. Maybe it’s like “following without actually being a follower”… I think I feel used. Should I demand a commitment? Or would that just make me look like a Twit?<br /><br />Then again, I think I already am… in more ways than one.<br /><br />But we already knew that, right?V. Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17784637105545220269noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34511226.post-39453943760539551402010-02-16T00:29:00.006-05:002010-11-22T22:18:35.556-05:00Putting the Harm in eHarmony...A few days after I flew back from the <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2010/02/death-cheating.html">funeral</a>, I signed up on eHarmony.<br /><br />Yes, there’s a connection.<br /><br />And yes, I know… I had sworn off the internet dating due to such lovely examples of <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2008/08/jerked-and-re-jerked.html">here</a> and <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2007/03/im-tired-of-this-shite.html">here</a>, not to mention other lovely experiences that I hope never to repeat, both in experience or verbally. What made me fold?<br /><br />Well, whenever I’ve experienced a time in my life where I lost someone I cared about… I get a bit of a glimpse of my own mortality. I get the urge to pull other people that I feel close to…even closer, so that I don’t feel like I’m taking them for granted, and really hold onto them and not want to let go. In missing the one I’ve lost, I become more protective of the others. Personally, I think it’s actually a normal (or at least normal-sounding) reaction.<br /><br />Thing is… whenever that’s happened in my life… it’s never been at a point where I’m in a relationship at the time. (It just worked out that way) And loneliness kicks in a little harder then usual… because I don’t have anyone that I can literally pull closer and hold on to.<br /><br />As an individual that tends to have a hard time meeting people, and for whom the bar-scene and normal people-meeting methods don’t work… I tend to feel like my options are limited. (Oftentimes, into the low single-digits.) So, I had a moment of weakness… and I signed up on eHarmony.<br /><br />I picked that particular site, because it seemed to be a little more serious-minded then the other dating sites I’ve tried. As you have to answer about 900 screening questions and give up a good few hours of your life just to get it set-up… not to mention its one of the more expensive dating sites out there… it seemed logical that the only people that would actually go through all that crap… would be ones that are actually serious about finding a healthy relationship.<br /><br />Well, it *sounded* like a good theory.<br /><br />I purchased a full 1-year subscription, in advance. It was the most economical (you essentially pay for 3 months, get 9 free)… and I also wanted to give myself plenty of time to get to know someone, and not rush into anything. (Even amidst my insane dry spell, I have no desire to jump into anything… be it relationship, bed, pile of mud, or otherwise) Since it was mid-November when I signed up, and knowing the upcoming holiday craziness would be… well, crazy... I made a personal resolution not to physically meet anyone until after the New Year. I made it fairly clear on my profile and in the e-mails of those I was matched up with, and they seemed totally cool with it. They said they liked the idea of getting to know me first, without any pressure… and taking our time. Great! Maybe this whole “matching” thing they had going on… actually had something to it.<br /><br />Now, in terms of matches… while I was given a hefty list, I didn’t go trying to write to all of them (even though the site actually suggests you do). For one, there’s no way I’d be able to keep track of everyone and the different conversations. That’s too much like being a “playa” in the real-world, at least to me. No, I tried to keep the numbers small. While I prefer to focus solely on one person at a time… I knew that probably wouldn’t be smart here, and I should at least try to chat up more then one at a time. Face it, chances are any particular one person isn’t going to work out, but a small percentage would be worth pursuing… so the odds would increase with at least trying to talk to a few more. (Yes, I was starting to “play the numbers”. Hey, I was trying something different… Go me!)<br /><br />One gal I was chatting with apparently lived in Los Angeles for a few years… during the same time *I* was out there. And then she moved back to New England, like me. That coincidence was a bit weird… but also cool. Because we had dual-coast-knowledge in common. We had nice talks on the phone… but then the calls and e-mails got further and further apart, and then stopped… having never met in person. It started to sound like she was getting too busy in life and work… and then disappeared.<br /><br />One of first ones I *did* meet in person, however… I really liked. Our phone conversations were really nice, and we soon made plans to meet face-to-face. When I did… I actually thought she looked *much* better than her picture (and her picture was really attractive). She also had a bit of fire in her… during a conversation about skee-ball, a carnie game I at one time had near-mastered, she seemed to have no problem saying how she would “kick my butt” at it. I loved the fact that she openly challenged me to it… and I was definitely up to taking her on. We ended our first date… with the promise of a second. No kiss, no moves… just a smile and a promise.<br /><br />Now, I tend to gauge the success of dates on one thing: If I call her afterwards and hear back from her… it was good. And I actually did heard back from her. That would make this the first “good date” I’ve had in a LONG time… and since she actually made good on the promise of a second date… which was not only the first 2nd date from an online connection I’ve ever had, but the flat-out first 2nd date I’ve had in a long time… She seemed like she was genuinely interested in me. I was definitely interested in her.<br /><br />Our second date, we got dinner and a movie. The conversation during dinner was once again really nice… lots of smiling, lots of eye contact, laughing, etc. I really didn’t feel like I was “trying”… it was feeling right.<br /><br />We went and saw the movie <span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Taken</span></span> (it was in the theatre at the time). Sure, maybe people would think an action-movie isn’t the best date-movie… but they weren’t on this date. And none of the other movies seemed to appeal to either of us. We both enjoyed the movie, and walked out of the theater… into a surprise snow-storm. Everything was completely coated with snow (and we had no idea that it was even supposed to). She had driven us over to the movie theater, so we had to go back to the restaurant where my car was.<br /><br />I would not have thought that any part of this date was going badly. There were no really awkward moments… no clashes. Just smiles, laughs and the good kind of eye-contact (as opposed to the psycho-stalker-kind of eye contact). The end of the second date… had the promise of a third.<br /><br />I started to get out of the car… and you know what? Looking at her… it felt right. I then leaned back in… going for our first kiss.<br /><br />Then she turned her head.<br /><br />It wasn’t an accident, it wasn’t like she didn’t see me coming towards her… she very consciously turned away.<br /><br />I had COMPLETELY mis-read that situation. In the span of a half-second, I then felt like the biggest idiot I’ve ever known. (You’d think I be used to it)<br /><br />I just said, “…okay, then.” And backed out, closing the door. She was still smiling, waved good-bye, and drove off. I cleaned the snow off my car, started it up, and started to head home… mentally (and occasionally physically) kicking myself all the while. I could not believe that happened… the first real time I put myself out there since *COUGH COUGH*, and I was 100% sure that the moment was right. And it wasn’t.<br /><br />I am absolutely atrocious at reading body language. If I had any doubts on that statement prior, it was confirmed then and there.<br /><br />And I had nice long time to think about it… because my car broke down on the way home. In the snowstorm. (Was I Hitler in a previous life or something? Seriously! WTF???) I got to sit there in the cold… and stew in my thoughts of my own stupidity, for an hour and a half, while waiting for AAA to get there.<br /><br />And you know… I did call her. I told her I would (before the ill-fated attempt), and hoped that the third-date interest was still there like she said (again, before the ill-fated attempt). I make good on my promises.<br /><br />I didn’t hear back from her.<br /><br />The few friends I talked to about it… some of them said, “Well, maybe it was too soon for her”, while the majority of others said, “No kiss? On the SECOND date???” Looks like the minority was right on that one. While just about everyone thought it a bit odd that if the other 99% of the date was great… why she still just disappeared. But that’s neither here nor there. It was over and done with.<br /><br />I licked my Pride-Wounds for about 2 weeks, then got back into eHarmony. (Who knew I even had Pride to get wounded?)<br /><br />That was probably the start of everything going downhill. Because over the next several months… I had a lot more first dates. But no second-dates. Not for about another 8 months.<br /><br />I had a lot of lovely times… met some really nice women. Just about all of them were ones that I *wanted* to see again. But no matter how good of a time they seemed to have, no matter how much laughing, good-eye-contact, blah blah blah there was… I never got my calls returned afterwards. It was going directly back to the old pattern it seems I’ve always known: Have a great time; I say I’d like to see them; They say “Yes”; I call; Nothing.<br /><br />And before you suggest it… I was always trying different things. Trying different approaches, different jokes, different methods, asking different kinds of questions of them, sometimes a more tame conversational approach, and sometimes with just a touch of flirtation. I’d make resolutions of “Okay, I’m not going to tell THAT particular story on the first date, because even though they all want to know it, and love the telling… it never gets anywhere.” I was ALWAYS trying to vary it up. And all these women that eHarmony was telling me were “good matches for my personality”… all disappear after 1 date. 95% do so without any explanation… they just disappear. (Even the ones that had said, “That’s so rude of those other girls!”… they went ahead and did it, too. Seriously… it’s been incredibly frustrating.)<br /><br />I don’t know why, but why do the majority of women I seem to meet… quit so soon? I can NOT come to a full conclusion about someone after a brief 1-2 hour first date. (You’d think I’d have an advantage from all the e-mails and phone calls prior to meeting…) I need time to suss someone out. Too much “guarding” on a first date when meeting someone completely new. Hell, I do it! And it’s because I’m so guarded, that I don’t want to give everything about me on a first meeting. I doubt anyone does.<br /><br />It seems like that if they don’t get “Romantic-Movie-Style-Attraction-Sparks/Chemistry” with someone from the instant get-go… then they might as well cut it off now and continue on. Because isn’t that how it’s supposed to work?<br /><br />Life doesn’t have a screenwriter. Sorry if this is a surprise to anyone.<br /><br />I’ve read several articles that claim that Romantic Comedies and movies of the ilk do more to hurt real relationships then help them… and I’m inclined to agree with them these days. (Must we once again go over the concepts of Fantasy and Reality?) If you honestly think that real life can and should be like those sappy pieces of crap, then stop being so surprised when I put on a <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2008/07/talk-nerdy-to-me.html">13-foot-long-scarf and claim a big blue box is “my ship”</a>.<br /><br />I say <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005190/">Garry Marshall</a> should be the first to go. Set phasers to “puree”.<br /><br />There were a few women that I did hear from afterwards… to tell me that they “didn’t feel any sparks.” Which frankly, only feeds into my frustration-rant above. Same reasons… blah blah… why are you expecting them so soon?<br /><br />One actually told me that she had “too much going on right now” to devote to a new relationship. Sorry to ask… but why the hell are you on there in the first place? Oh, a friend put you up to it? You let your friends throw away your money? (Like I said… eHarmony isn’t cheap. I thought that’s what would weed out the “not serious” ones) Furthermore, you let your friends push you into things you don’t want? Oh, please. Frankly, it screams “lame excuse” to me.<br /><br />Oh, sure… but in *this* case you really are “too busy”, not like those other liars. Here’s the thing about being “too busy”; And I’m not trying to sit on a high horse here… I’ve been insanely busy before, myself. But you know something? If I want to spend time with someone… or pursue a relationship… I *make* the time. I rush around a lot, oftentimes like a chicken with my head cut off… maybe lose a little sleep here and there… but I make it. Especially if I think someone is worth it. A relationship would definitely qualify for that.<br /><br />And thing is… I’m a patient guy. I’m willing to wait for a little time to open up in someone else’s schedule. Sure, long pauses suck… but if they at least make an effort, it means a lot to me, and it doesn’t go unnoticed. Love will find a way… but *we* have to do the actual looking.<br /><br />So… my time on eHarmony. I’ve had a LOT of first dates… and 3 second dates, total. Of those other 2 second-dates… both just disappeared afterwards. One mysteriously just stopped calling/writing/texting soon after said 2nd date… and the other, I started to get the impression that she wasn’t as attracted to me as I was to her, and that’s when I stopped hearing from her. (But since I’m horrible at the body language, what do I know? Maybe she never was.) eHarmony is officially a complete bust. If I ever see Dr. Warren, I’m going to tell him where to shove his 753 questions and “personality match-ups”… because I don’t think he knows squat.<br /><br />And it occurred to me… I don’t actually know anyone that’s met their sweetie online. Not even an acquaintance. I have a lot of friends and acquaintances that say THEY have friends/relatives/etc that met the Significant Other online… but I don’t actually know anyone myself that it’s worked for. So… from my point of view… they could all be making it up.<br /><br />There is one person, whom I met online, that I’m in contact with currently. We’ve had a first date… and a second… and even a third. We met during a free weekend on Chemistry.com. (I’ll be darned if I’m paying for ANOTHER site. That one weekend was it for me on that.) I haven’t tried for a kiss… or even a hug. I’m wanting to go so insanely slow here, my previous pace is blowing past. But we have a nice time, and I actually do hear from her… albeit sporadically. I know she is busy right now, but unlike the other “busy ones”, I do actually hear from her, and we find a little time to meet up. (Like I said… the effort means a lot to me.) Hell, just the fact that she’s an attractive woman, who’s single and *my age* gives huge brownie points… and while I’m not totally sure of her level of interest (take nothing for granted!), I am. So I’m hoping I get to see her again, and fairly soon. <br /><br />If it doesn’t work out… that’s okay. But I’ve given the online method enough chances, and this is the last one. More power to you if it works, but it’ll mean it doesn’t for me. <br /><br />If it DOES work out? Then that is a-okay by me, and I’ll sing the praises of online dating.<br /><br />But I’m going to need a neon sign with arrows to signal the time for that first kiss. You’re high if you think I’m going through that embarrassment again.V. Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17784637105545220269noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34511226.post-64721456594752592002010-02-08T01:25:00.006-05:002010-02-08T11:15:36.721-05:00Death-CheatingJust after my last post of 2008, a good friend of mine passed away.<br /><br />That was the start of my <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2009/11/hiatus.html">hiatus</a>.<br /><br />I found out, quite literally, about 5 minutes before I was leaving to go to a memorial service. (I don’t know if that’s ironic or appropriate) I was… a mess the entire day. The Memorial service was for the father of my cousin’s husband (we were there showing him support as he’s done for us), but I obviously had something else on my mind.<br /><br />I don’t know if I’d consider myself good or bad at dealing with Death. I suppose it’s something that no one is either “good” or “bad” at. Frankly, I’m curious to know exactly how a “good dealing of Death” would go. Does it involve a lot of crying? No crying? A zen-like calmness and a “c’est la vie”? Crying and getting drunk *until* you get to a zen-state of c’est la vie?<br /><br />My earliest memory of anything involving death was my brother waking me up one dark morning and telling me our Bampi (My Mom’s Father) had died. I was really young… probably no more then 6. I have vague recollections of the man, mostly just sitting in the background of family gatherings from that side. My brothers and I were deemed “too young” to go to the funeral.<br /><br />The first wake I went to… I don’t remember who it was for. It was for a distant relative, one I don’t think I had any recollection of… we either saw them rarely or not at all. I was probably 10 or 11. The only thing I could think of was how I really didn’t think I wanted to see a dead body (yes, despite all the violence on TV, I was hip enough to know the difference between that and reality. Go figure.)… and I was actually relieved to find it was a Closed-Casket. That relief was short-lived however. After getting a drink of water, I saw my dad standing in the middle of the foyer of the funeral home. He motioned me over, so I went… and he pointed into one of the other wings (where there was another wake going on), and while I was turning my head and saw what he was pointing at, said, “That’s what an Open-Casket is like.” And I was looking at my first dead body. It was from a distance, but I could still see it was an elderly gentleman (and I recall he had a big nose). I quickly turned away, because I was still not ready for it… nor had I been ready for the all-too-sudden fashion my dad thrust upon me without warning. (He has a habit of that.)<br /><br />I remember when the mother of one of my Aunts passed away. I had met her when I was really young… meaning, I don’t remember. But here, I was in High School, and we went to the Wake one evening. I spent the entire time just thinking… I felt like I should say something to my Aunt, but I didn’t know what that would be, because I didn’t remember her mother… and I didn’t want to lie and say “oh yeah, I remember her.” (If you knew my childhood, you’d probably wonder where I got this idea of “honesty” from… sometimes, I don’t even know.) When my parents told us to gather up our things to go, we all went up to her one last time to pay respects and say goodbye. When I got to my Aunt, I said, “I don’t remember her… but if she’s important to you, she’s important to me.” Then I hugged her, and we left.<br /><br />My mom told me the next day, after my parents came back from the funeral (They didn’t want to take my brothers and I out of school for it), that my Aunt really appreciated what I said to her, and it made her feel better. (I guess I did something right.)<br /><br />In High School, when I was a Senior, I was at the after-hours rehearsal for the school play (on a break) when I looked over down the hall and saw a few people gathered around standing still and listening to this one woman who was crying. My concern and curiosity got the better of me, and I walked over to see what was going on. When the woman finished (of which I didn’t know the context of what she was saying), and the group started to break up a little, I asked one of my other cast members what happened… and he told me that a kid in his class (the one just behind mine) had just killed himself.<br /><br />It was not a guy I knew… but his sister was in my class (she apparently found him), and I would come to learn that he and I apparently knew a LOT of the same people. For awhile, I was wondering how it was I *didn’t* know him. But it seemed that just about everyone else in the school seemed to. (Though, he was part of the “jock” crowd, if I recall, so maybe that at least gave him some notice or popularity) Seeing the fallout the next morning was pretty surreal.<br /><br />My first class was Physics, and our teacher was reading a prepared statement from the Principal’s Office… and everyone else was just quiet. Except for our Class President, Joe… who was balling his eyes out. Apparently, he was really good friends with the kid. When the teacher was about halfway through the statement, Joe got up and ran out suddenly. The teacher didn’t look up, just paused for a second, and then continued. Once he finished… there was complete silence… broken by me. Because I had gotten up and quickly headed for the door. I said to the teacher, “I’m going to check on Joe” and kept going. As I was going through the door, he said, “Thank you”… and I was off down the hall.<br /><br />The first place I checked was the bathroom. I had the worst thoughts running through my mind, that *he* was going to try and kill himself too, or something. I dropped down to look under all the stalls at once, saw nothing, and checked the next closest one. I did see someone else in the hall, and asked if they had seen Joe, and they told me he went to the Guidance Counselor’s office. So that’s where I went. Joe was in with our Guidance Counselor (who was actually pretty useless in all of my interactions with him over the years… though he did try, I admit), and I just went in and sat down in another seat. I didn’t think I should say anything, I just felt that maybe having someone else there for him would be worth something.<br /><br />For the next few hours, I pretty much stuck by Joe. Maybe it was part of my <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2008/04/who-is-victor-riley.html">inner Super-Hero complex</a> coming out, but I just felt like I had to stick by him and look after him. Logically, maybe I shouldn’t have done that… because I wasn’t even good friends with Joe, but I was going on gut feeling and instinct (despite my gut having steered me wrong in the past). I even escorted him to the local church, where an impromptu sermon was being given… that almost everyone in the school showed up to. I stuck by Joe, sitting next to him. I stuck by him until the sermon was over… I think he and a lot of other kids ended up going home by mid-day… I went back to the school to the scheduled classes, even though no one actually did anything in any of them. Each class ended up being an extra-quiet study hall.<br /><br />I did go to the funeral services… mainly to “pay my respects”. Again, maybe logically, I shouldn’t have. But he was a kid from my school… we knew a lot of the same people (though for me they were acquaintances, and for him they were actual friends)… and his sister was in my class (again, despite not knowing her very well). That made me think I should be there for some reason or other. But I left after the church services… I didn’t follow the casket to the graveyard across the street. I just walked home.<br /><br />In 1995, when I was in Undergrad, my Nana (Mom’s Mom) passed away. It was near the beginning of the Spring semester, and it was still a lot of snow on the ground. A few days before I had headed back there, I went with my Mom to the Nursing Home where Nana was living, bed-ridden. She recently had one of her legs amputated due to gangrene… and she didn’t seem to remember it. She also didn’t seem to remember my name. She looked at me with a big smile, then turned to my Mom and mumbled, “Which one is this?” Her tongue was majorly swollen and couldn’t drink normally. She had to have her mouth re-hydrated with a cotton swab that was dunked in a glass of water. It was… a bit painful to see her like that. There was also this awful stench that I had never experienced before. Later, when I asked my Mom about it, she told me that was the “rotting flesh from her bedsores”.<br /><br />My Grandmother was rotting alive, and there was nothing I could do about that. That really hurt to think about.<br /><br />Out of myself and my brothers, I think I was the last one to see her alive.<br /><br />So, about a week later, I got the call at my dorm room from my Mom. I still wasn’t prepared for it, even though I knew it was inevitable. After I got the news, I put on my Coat and winter stuff… and just went walking. I think I circled the campus twice, when I finally ran into a friend of mine (the one whom I considered my long-lost twin, actually)… who could see that something was wrong. I managed to get it out, but was crying pretty much throughout while actually saying it aloud. (Prior to that, it was just silent, stoic contemplation) She then stuck with me to keep me company for the next few hours… which I’ve always been grateful for.<br /><br />(At one point, she did say, “Um, listen… I have to say that if you’re thinking of trying to kiss me… please don’t.” To which, I turned and looked at her like she had 4 heads, with two of them singing Lithuanian Opera, and the other two licking their own eyeballs. I’d say that Sex was the *last* thing I was thinking about… except that to be honest, it wasn’t anywhere even on the list. So yeah, there’s no danger of that from me. And the thought that some guys *would* try to take advantage of that situation… dude, there’s a reason I hate my own gender.)<br /><br />By the time I had gotten home for the Wake, I had pretty much cried myself out. I remember telling another one of my Aunts about my reactions, and she was surprised that I did so much crying… she had thought I was “taking it quite well.”<br /><br />Still wasn’t sure what that meant.<br /><br />In my next-to-last semester there, I was heading into a Tech rehearsal for the current show one Saturday morning. I ran into one of the other cast members, and I noticed he looked a bit down. So I asked him what happened, and he said how a girl in his dorm died in a car accident the night before. I said, “Oh God, I’m so sorry… may I ask who it was?” Then he told me… it was Carol Soucie.<br /><br />Yes, I know this breaks the anonymity rule I have by naming her… but she deserves to be known and remembered. Carol was one of the absolute sweetest girls there was… and yes, I knew her.<br /><br />When my friend told me it was her, my jaw dropped, and I was in shock.<br /><br />Carol had been a neighbor of mine in our dorm the previous year, and I got to know her a decent bit from that. She also came to a lot of the department shows, and at one point I was told that “she was a fan of mine”. (No idea how true that was, but it made me smile… she had that effect on you, regardless.) This was the epitome of the unfair death. She was on her way home for the weekend and got hit by a milk truck (the driver of whom I believe I heard was drunk.)<br /><br />A group of us carpooled up to Maine so we could go to the funeral. While it was a nice roadtrip… I wish we didn’t have to lose such a jewel of a young lady to do it. (Yet, she was worth driving 20 times the distance) It’s hard to say goodbye when, cosmically, you’re just saying hello. I think everyone felt cheated to not have had more time with her… because the little that we did was so good.<br /><br />When I moved to California for Grad School, I was getting ready to fly back east to see one of my best friends get married. It was about a week and a half off, when one afternoon, at about 3:30 or so… I had this sudden flash in my head. A passing thought, a question, really… “What if Dzia-Dzia passed away?” (That’s my Grandfather on my Dad’s side. It’s a Polish thing.) I don’t know why… but I quickly and purposefully pushed it out of my head. It was a depressing thought, and there was no reason to have it.<br /><br />When I got back to my apartment later that evening, I had a message on my answering machine. It was my Mom, asking me to call her “no matter the time”. As it was about 10pm when I got this, it was 1am where she was… so if I had to call, no matter the time… it can’t be good. I called her instantly… and she told me that Dzia-Dzia passed away suddenly that day. Recalling my earlier thought… I nervously asked her what time it happened. She said about 6:30pm… which would be 3:30 in the afternoon, my time. (I don’t really believe in psychic stuff… but that really disturbed me.) It was very sudden. He just fell over… no pain or anything. But completely unexpected.<br /><br />Like when I heard about my Nana… I went walking. Trying to process it.<br /><br />My parents had said to “not bother” flying back early for the funeral… it wasn’t worth it. (So nice of them to make that decision for me, wasn’t it?) As I believe I was the only one out of state at the time… I think I was the only one that missed the funeral. And it kinda pissed me off… I didn’t get to say my Goodbyes. I didn’t get the hugs I wanted or needed from my family WHEN they were wanted and needed! And timewise, I missed this all… by one week. I felt so incredibly cheated.<br /><br />And it wasn’t the last time. A couple years later, just a few weeks before Christmas, the mother of another one of my Aunts passed away. This one was almost always at our family gatherings… we knew her and remembered her very well. She had gone into the hospital, and word hadn’t been good. Being the one so far away, and in another time zone, I had to rely on my cell phone for all information and staying in the loop. (Made more difficult by the fact that where I was staying, didn’t have any reception… I had to drive 8 miles into town to get my messages or make a call.) So, once I got into range of a tower, I called my parents… and my Dad answered. I asked what the news was… he said, “What?” I said, “Is there any change in her condition?”<br /><br />And my Dad, in his infinite sensitivity… said, “No there’s no change. She’s dead.”<br /><br />And he even said it with the tone of voice that just says, “What are you, a complete moron?”<br /><br />I was shocked… not only at the news, but the complete assholishness of my own father at that moment. “Okay… when was someone going to tell ME???”<br /><br />Then he goes on the offensive and starts getting mad about how my oldest brother was supposed to have told me, blah blah blah… Okay, if you want to throw blame at someone, fine… but how the hell can you hear those words from me: “Is there any change in her condition?” and actually believe that I had that information? How can you NOT say, “Oh… he doesn’t know.”?<br /><br />But once again… they said not to fly back early. “It wasn’t worth it.” So, just being a few weeks away from flying back for Christmas… I had to miss another family funeral. And not say my goodbyes. Once again, feeling cheated.<br /><br />And now my friend.<br /><br />Now, I was living on the East Coast, and the funeral was on the West. Well, I wasn’t going to miss this one. His partner, one of my best friends, needed me… and if there was any way I could make it… I was going to be there. I lucked out, and got a decent last-minute flight into San Francisco, where I rented a car and drove the 5 hours north (the services were back in the area I went to Grad School, where we all met him)… and I was in town less then 24 hours, before I had to drive back down to San Fran to get my flight back. Travel-wise, it was a hellish weekend. But I’ll do it for my friends. Every time.<br /><br />The funeral… felt a little off to me. Really for one reason. You see, I knew that he was going to be cremated… but what I didn’t know was that he had ALREADY been cremated. So, it was just a little urn there, no casket, no body.<br /><br />That seems odd to me. I always saw cremation as simply the “alternative” to burying. They’re both just ways to dispose of a body, in the end. And the funeral and wake… are all supposed to be BEFORE the actual disposal. So people can say the goodbyes, look at the person one last time, remark how they look “so peaceful”… etc. But having the cremation BEFORE the funeral… is like having the wake over an already-buried grave. Makes no sense.<br /><br />Once again… I felt cheated.<br /><br />Funerals are for the living… this is about closure. Personally, I thought it was a bit selfish of his family to deny other people that opportunity for closure. Sure, there are different views on it, and they don’t look at it like that… but I do. And I think it’s cheating.<br /><br />Sure, you can say, “But he’s still right there. That’s the ashes… that’s him. Right there! Literally!” And you’d be right, technically... he's just been converted to carbonized form. But you can’t look at the eyes of a pile of ashes. You can’t comfort yourself and say that they look so peaceful and happy lying there. Ashes don’t look happy. Or sad. They don’t look anything. It’s really hard to say goodbye to a pile of ashes, because you want to say it to a face, even if it’s not moving. And trying to say that to a picture is even harder… because that’s how they were THEN… at a frozen moment in time, when they were a different individual then. You want to say it to them as they are NOW. And now, if they’ve been converted to an unrecognizable form… and just as your brain could feel “they look so happy”, when the body is there… it is also easy to feel, “this really didn’t happen”, because it’s NOT there.<br /><br />When I caught up with my friend (the partner) I asked him, “Is this a funeral or a *memorial service*?” He said, “It’s sort of both.”<br /><br />It wasn’t fair. Not just losing him… but losing the chance to say goodbye.<br /><br />So is that a good way to deal with it? Feeling like you’ve been able to say goodbye? Or does it come back down to the whole “crying/not-crying debate”?<br /><br />Either way, the only answer or epiphany I can come up with is this:<br /><br />I don’t think you can actually cheat Death… because Death doesn’t exactly play fair, either.V. Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17784637105545220269noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34511226.post-70843525239935467492009-11-11T13:14:00.006-05:002010-01-14T12:24:55.891-05:00Hiatus...Yeah, I know it’s been awhile… a long while. Just over a year now, in fact. It’s not that I didn’t have anything to write about… quite the opposite, actually. In some ways, I almost had too much to write about, and couldn’t get the thoughts organized. Basically, in the end, it came down to “Life got in the way”. <br /><br /> It’s not the first time I’ve taken a hiatus. It happens during correspondences with friends (e-mail or when I used to <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2008/01/love-letter-on-lovin-letters.html">write actual letters</a>), journal writing, <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2008/07/talk-nerdy-to-me.html">hobbies</a>, <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2008/05/doing-it-well-doing-it-well-done.html">cooking</a>, or most any other good habit I tried to set over the years. It doesn’t mean I don’t care about the people, or appreciate the activities… immediate issues became a distraction, and next thing you know: days, weeks, and maybe months go by.<br /><br /> When I turned 14, in 1989, I started a journal. (It wasn’t a “diary”… that’s for girls. Guys write “journals”… such was my reasoning concerning certain synonyms) I began it on my birthday, as a matter of fact... a small blue book. That day I had also watched <span style="font-weight:bold;"><span style="font-style:italic;">Batman</span></span> (the Tim Burton one) in the theater, and had considered it, literally, to be the greatest movie ever made. Much of that first entry was gushing about how I think it should win all kinds of Academy Awards, and how great it was, etc… it was typical kid-geeking-out, I admit, and nothing as truly <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2008/05/deep-doo-doo.html">deep</a> and thought-provoking as I once thought it was. But it had started, what I hope, was going to be a nice habit or tradition.<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Side note: It also began a tradition of seeing the current Batman movie in the theater, ON my birthday. The first time I moved away from that, was with <span style="font-weight:bold;">Batman & Robin</span>… and I used to think that was why it sucked. (I did a bit of unnecessary apologizing for it.) But in reality… it was Joel Schumacher. I re-started the tradition with <span style="font-weight:bold;">Batman Begins</span>, and it returned to greatness. Unfortunately, <span style="font-weight:bold;">The Dark Knight</span>, the best one yet, didn’t even open until after my birthday… so the tradition is fully broken. But I don’t mind so much, cause it was that good. (Okay, so maybe some things concerning geeking-out don’t change as much as we hope).</span><br /><br /> I didn’t resolve to write in that journal every day or week… I never did set down an idea of a schedule to try and keep to. Sometimes I’d write into it a few days in a row… other times, it’d go a few months without. I wrote when I felt like I had something to say or get off my chest. So, there ended up being a lot of pauses in the writing… a number of hiatuses.<br /><br /> But throughout High School, and then into college (where the writing became even more sporadic)… I did eventually fill up that little blue book, and then started a second volume in a little red book. That one… eventually got filled too. Then I started a third one, a multi-colored one... which never got filled. To this day, there’s still a lot of blank pages in the latter half of it. In fact, the very last entry to it was written on my very first night in California… when I flew out there by myself to try and find an apartment to live in, before I made the drive with all my stuff just before Graduate School started.<br /><br /> I don’t even have to look in that book to remember what I felt that night. I was scared out of my gourd. I was in my early 20s… had never travelled alone before. And while I had been involved with a road trip to Athens, Georgia… and a weekend train-trip to Washington D.C., those had both been with friends… But I had never been in a different TIME ZONE so far away from everything and everyone that I ever knew… and completely on my own. To attend a school I hadn’t even seen in person (and the stress of not having an apartment and actually feeling “homeless”). Even though it was because I felt I *had* to get out of where I had been… I was wondering, and even wrote this down in that little journal, if I had just made the biggest mistake of my life. I felt so intimidated; I could barely sleep in that room on the second floor of the Motel 6. (Which was another first for me… renting a hotel room by myself.) That was the very last entry I ever wrote… and that was just over 10 years ago.<br /><br /> While the story of my Grad School experience (especially the beginning) could be a post on its own (maybe some day)… I am happy to say that it WASN’T the biggest mistake of my life… in fact, it was probably one of the best things I’ve ever done, overall. While the cliff-hanger nature of that journal entry doesn’t sound so promising… I ended up learning a lot about myself… made some really good friends early on, learned a lot about my chosen field, had a great time, and I think became a better, more self-reliant person because of it. (Well, I sort of HAD to on that one.)<br /><br /> I’ve thought about going back to that little multi-colored journal and picking it up again on the next blank page… but I really think that too much time has passed. Because when I come off a hiatus, I feel the need to ‘recap’ what happened during that pause in writing. And… well, too much has happened. There’s no way to be able to condense it down to even fit IN the rest of that book, just to be able to get to whatever was bothering me currently. Nah, besides… I think it’s more interesting to leave it as a cliff-hanger for whatever unknown, unseen future reader that might happen to see it. Whether that’s a descendant, a lover, or some stranger picking it up at a Garage Sale. <br /><br /> Besides, I’ve got the blog for all soul-bearing. Plus, I think I’m a little more articulate then I was when I started at 14 (well… except maybe for the <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2008/07/talk-nerdy-to-me.html">Geek</a> stuff).<br /><br /> Now, I’m not going to promise that I’ll write with the frequency I did before… that was my New Year’s Resolution for that year, to write regularly in the blog. And as I actually ended up with more blogposts then I originally thought I would, (It was originally “once every other week”, and then I upped it to “once a week”) I feel okay saying that resolution was fulfilled. (My resolution for this year was to “get into Boston more often”… which I’ve done pretty good with as well.) From here forward, I’ll post when I’ve gotten something written. Maybe once a week, maybe 3 times a week, maybe once a month or more. I’m not going to worry about schedules. <br /><br /> I do have several ideas lined up to write about… and I will get to them. Starting with the next post about the event that started off the hiatus (which happened just after the last post). Then I’ve got things and subjects that have happened in the last year, things I’ve tried, and things I’m thinking of trying. Now, I know I never had that many readers (frankly, I never felt it was the sole purpose of a blog), at least to my knowledge… but maybe you’ll find yourself back here too.<br /><br />Take care.V. Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17784637105545220269noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34511226.post-63680294159562447472008-11-07T16:03:00.002-05:002008-11-07T16:07:54.945-05:00Religion, Politics and The Great Pumpkin<span style="font-style:italic;">“There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people… “ - Linus Van Pelt</span><br /><br />(I may never get such a convenient opportunity to use that title again… it applies on several levels today… though, I’m actually working backwards.)<br /><br />First up, my Halloween recap:<br /><br />I went <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2007/11/reflections-on-hallows-eve.html">back to Salem</a>… and actually had a much better time then <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2007/11/reflections-on-hallows-eve.html">before</a>. Now, the stuff I said last year still applies, so I won’t repeat that. But the biggest difference was that this year… I went in costume. So not only was I “people-watching”… but I was also being watched by people.<br /><br />Now, I did put some effort in to my costume. When I have the time to actually plan out in advance and make my own costume… I do pretty well. Last time I did was in 2001… I went as a tiger. To be precise… I was Hobbes from Calvin and Hobbes (greatest comic strip ever). I was simultaneously cute and lovable, and scary and terrifying… exactly like Hobbes himself (just ask him). Man, I wish I kept that costume…<br /><br />But this year, the concept of it was a little more simplistic… but still required a bit of advance work… and I made the extra effort this year.<br /><br />So what did I go as?<br /><br />Charlie Brown… and his costume from <span style="font-weight:bold;"><span style="font-style:italic;">It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown</span></span>. <br /><br />When I went online looking for patterns and instructions how to make it… all I could really find was “just get an old sheet and cut a bunch of holes in it. You’re all done!”<br /><br />No. Sorry… but that’s stupid. That’s what he did in the cartoon… but this is supposed to be a real-life representation of it. In the cartoon, a hole in the sheet shows a black oval. In reality, it’s a hole… that you see through, and see the face beyond. There’s no blackness involved. Plus, when you drape a sheet over yourself, there’s extra material falling where you don’t want it, and not enough material where you need it… you don’t get the simple cylindrical-shape that you get in the cartoon… because it’s a drawing.<br /><br />I wanted to look like I came right out of the TV and started walking around. Sure, maybe I’m a tall Charlie Brown… but I think I did okay, all things considered. I bought a sheet and sewed it to try and get the right shape, and stitched black felt “holes” all over myself. For the eyes? I bought black mesh, folded it up and put it over the eye holes. No one could see in, but I could see out fairly easily. Yet, when it got dark, I knew it’d be even harder to see… so I’d have to eventually take it off. So, I made sure to make a yellow shirt and stitched the black scribble across the belly… for the full Charlie Brown effect.<br /><br />But the part I’m probably most proud of… I had an Mp3 player with built-in speakers. I loaded the music of Vince Guaraldi on it… and when I walked around, you could hear “Linus and Lucy” (commonly known as “The Peanuts Theme”) quite clearly.<br /><br />I am nothing if not dedicated.<br /><br />Yet, I was incredibly surprised by the number of people that not only wanted my picture… but wanted a picture WITH me. I was stopped quite frequently by people politely asking for a photo op. It was really neat… I’ve *never* had that happen before. And when they heard the music… their smiles got so big it just made me smile, too.<br /><br />Though… there were a very few select people that DIDN’T know what my costume was. A few were young kids… calling me, “That tall polka-dotted guy.” (I’m tall? Well… maybe to them.) Those I can understand… maybe they just never sat down and watched the show in their mere 10 years on earth. But I did run into an older woman who apparently thought I was the “ghost of a spotted cow”… but it clicked in when I told her. The coup de gras, however… a woman ran up to me and said, “Excuse me… I’m from Channel 4 news. What are you?”<br /><br />“Uh…. Charlie Brown?”<br /><br />“Oh, okay.” And then she walked away. The cameraman wasn’t pointing the camera at me or anything, so I don’t know why she bothered to tell me she was from the news… but I really wanted to say, “You don’t recognize an American Cultural Icon of Halloween for the last 50 years… and you’re job is to inform the masses????” I can understand the occasional person not figuring it out… but someone in the media shouldn’t be one of them. Am I wrong?<br /><br />Anyway, like I said… I had a good time. Got a lot of pictures of other good costumes, met some nice people… even saw a guy dressed as Jeebus with a sign saying, “<span style="font-style:italic;">Judgment Day is Nigh! Show Me Your Tits and I Will Judge Them.</span>” (Which I thought was *really* funny. I hope it pissed off the obnoxious street preachers who were constantly spouting how everyone deserves Hell. Why you gotta preach hate?)<br /><br />One thing I’m surprised I *didn’t* see? More political costumes. A friend and I were remarking how we hadn’t seen any all night. I only saw one as I was walking back to my car… a guy dressed as John McCain. But that was it.<br /><br />I found that surprising, as we were just 4 days away from Election at the time.<br /><br />Of which… to take the opportunity of a segue…<br /><br />Yes, of course I voted. I got up an extra half-hour early, left my house early so I could hit the polls before work. (I knew I wouldn’t have time afterwards) The most difficult wait was the traffic. But the voting itself? In and out in less then 5 minutes. We didn’t have the new-fangled electronic voting booths in our town. Ours was the old fashioned pen-to-paper kind. Your ballot is basically a scan-tron sheet like in school, and you blacken in the little circle for the people you’re voting for. And apparently, there are no propositions right now in my state, so we’re just voting for the people. *shrug*<br /><br />Normally, I keep my voting selection private… because I am and always will be an Independent. I don’t go with the whole “Are you a Republican or a Democrat?” crapola. That’s why I don’t vote in the primaries. When you enter the building, they ask you which side you want to see… and they register you AS THAT SIDE. I’m not saying I AM a Democrat… I just want to see what they have to say. I plan to do the same for the Republican side… but they don’t allow that. You’re only allowed to listen to one side in the primaries, and I’m not down with that. I want to look at one set of options and pick what I think is the best. Then look at ANOTHER set of options, pick the best one from there… then have those two choices start talking to try and convince me. They don’t let you do it that way. In the election, you can be independent… in the primaries, they have to label you. So I don’t do the Primaries.<br /><br />But I did vote for Barack Obama. I think in large part because he’s more inspirational then most other candidates in the last 20+ years. And I think national esteem and identity is at a low point… and overall we NEED someone inspirational now more than ever. It’s a damn good country we have… and we want to feel good about being Americans again. I think National Identity is kind of important.<br /><br />So I think that this IS a historic moment in a few ways. And not just because of the color of Barack’s skin. (Of which it’s technically false to call him the first African-American President… because he’s Bi-Racial. His mom is white, and his dad is black. Which makes him a great bridge of the two worlds, yes… but media likes to throw out buzzwords without always having the accuracy to back it up. I’m just saying.)<br /><br />I’m not saying that John McCain would be a BAD leader. In fact… frankly, I think he wouldn’t be too shabby. The personality he showed at his concession speech was the same one he showed at the very beginning of his campaign… but had completely disappeared throughout the middle. Had he showed that grace in the last several months, I would have listened to him more. But I think the strategists in the Republican Party (who don’t care about policies, politics, or the best man for the job… they just care about winning) told him, “This is what you need to do to win. Now do it.” So the mudslinging started. (Hey, Obama’s camp had them, too.)<br /><br />I also believe those same strategists told him to do what would become the absolute deal-breaker for me. He picked Sarah Palin as a running mate. I believe they came up to him and said, “America doesn’t want to see 2 Old White Men in the White House this time around. No matter what, the Democrats are giving them something different… so we HAVE to shake this up or we’re done for. Here, this one seems like a good puppet!”<br /><br />When I first heard she was picked… I said, “Okay, let’s give her a chance. I know nothing about her, so let’s see what she’s got.” The first thing I read: She’s a staunch supporter of Abstinence-Only Education. <br /><br />“I’m out!”<br /><br />Yeah… because it doesn’t work. The numbers tell you it doesn’t work. The kids themselves tell you it doesn’t work. Guess what? It doesn’t work. Her own DAUGHTER is a teenage pregnancy… though, apparently that’s okay because “they’re planning to get married, anyway.” (Even though the guy’s MySpace profile clearly stated he didn’t want to get married or even have a long-term relationship with the girl. The same profile that mysteriously disappeared shortly after… Gee, who did that, I wonder?) That’s not even talking about all the OTHER things I read shortly after.<br /><br />2 weeks after she was announced, I saw a book in the bookstore with her picture large and in-charge on the front… the title of the book was “Sarah: How a hockey mom turned the political establishment upside down”. Sorry, she didn’t “turn it upside-down”. It only made so much news because it was a completely nonsensical choice, that has no basis in this, or any other, plain of reality. She is not a “maverick”… no matter how often she says the damn word. I don’t care for her being a “hockey mom”… which is no slight on hockey moms. I’ve known Soccer Moms and Football Moms and many other types… but NONE of them are people I would want to place on the other side of the table… from Kim Jong Il. Or any of the other 1,000 psychos with political power in this world. (Hilary, at least, would grab them by the balls and twist… figuratively AND literally.) She has contradicted herself several times, shown ignorance and intolerance… and knowing that she might be a heartbeat away from the presidency… honestly scared me. That’s what shot McCain in the foot. If it was anyone else he picked… I would have had a harder decision.<br /><br />So, I feel we dodged a bullet with this election. For that, I’m very thankful. I went to sleep Tuesday night pleased.<br /><br />Woke up Wednesday, however… not-so-pleased.<br /><br />When I discovered that Prop 8 in California passed. Proposition 8 is for the Ban of Gay Marriage. (Arizona and Florida passed it, too.)<br /><br />I don’t care that I’m straight. I don’t care that I no longer live in California. I called that state “home” for 7 years, and many people that I love are still there… so I feel I have a vested interest in what happens out there. Finding out that several of my friends now are about to have their marriages dissolved, as if they never happened. And many more that are now told they’ll never be able to marry the person they love.<br /><br />Those that know me, know that I would take bullets for my friends. But there’s nothing I can do about this. And it hurts so much, I’ve actually cried over this.<br /><br />In the same 24 hour period of electing a historic president… a culmination of a movement that started with Abraham Lincoln and gained momentum with Martin Luther King Jr… as one minority group is validated, another is pushed down and is now LEGALLY considered to be second-class citizens, and not granted the basic human rights of others.<br /><br />Hell, I was shocked to find that it was such a close race! (51% to 49%) I felt sure that it would be blown out of the water! But no. Why there are still people who so readily promote hate and discrimination on such a grand level… astounds me to no end.<br /><br />I’ve heard their arguments… “the government doesn’t have the right to legislate the definition of marriage that’s been around for hundreds of years!” Pardon me… isn’t that EXACTLY what you’ve just done? You’ve used legislation and the political process to legally define what marriage is??? That is known as Hypocrisy.<br /><br />I’ve heard their logic… “to protect the sanctity of marriage”. Okay, you’ve just opened up a can of worms… because they’re constantly using the word “sanctity”. “Sanctity” refers to something that is “Sacred”, which is a term to refer to something that is Holy or “From God”. That means you’re talking about RELIGION.<br /><br />First amendment of the Constitution (correct me if I’m wrong) explicitly states that we’re allowed the “Freedom of Religion”. So what’s “Sacred” to one person isn’t so to another person… and that’s a-okay! You can’t infringe on their BASIC freedom of religion!<br /><br />Wait a minute… what’s that say? Right there… look… here, at the Constitution. A little further down. What’s this, “Separation of Church and State”? Oh yeah… that means that Religion and Government have to stay as FAR away from each other as possible. One cannot dictate or influence the other.<br /><br />So if marriage is a RELIGIOUS institution… then you can’t say anything, because THEIR religious beliefs allow them to marry, and we protect that with blood, sweat and history… and government can’t do anything about it.<br /><br />If marriage is a LEGAL institution… then religion has absolutely nothing to do with it. Since the sole arguments against Gay Marriage is all about religion… then they have NO argument.<br /><br />And if it’s both? Well, you’re doubly fucked. So take one of them and sit the fuck down. Take the other and shut the fuck up.<br /><br />Proposition 8 should never have been on the ballot in the first place.<br /><br />But hope remains.<br /><br />There are some lawsuits already filed… trying to get this overturned. The one that I think is the most logical one has to do with “minor” and “major” changes. In California, minor changes are “amendments”, and are passed with a majority vote (51% or more). But major changes, “revisions”, have to be passed with a 2/3 majority vote.<br /><br />Does taking away the civil rights of an entire demographic qualify as a “minor change”? I think not. Hopefully, the State Supreme Court of California will also see it that way. If so… then Prop 8 is 15% short, and it will be overturned!<br /><br />People may have failed… but maybe Justice can still win.<br /><br />So we have to remain hopeful. As hopeful as we were Tuesday night when we told the world who we wanted our new leader to be.<br /><br />As hopeful as Linus, who dutifully sits every year in the most sincere Pumpkin Patch he can find… believing and hoping that The Great Pumpkin will finally arrive.<br /><br />Now I’m waiting, too.V. Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17784637105545220269noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34511226.post-25804328509313772972008-10-17T14:51:00.002-04:002008-10-17T14:58:07.403-04:00PostSecret Update: UVMI <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2008/09/secret-for-secret.html">said I’d do it</a>… and here it is.<br /><br />I finally got to go to a <a href="http://www.postsecret.com">PostSecret</a> event.<br /><br />The last one that came close to my area… got cancelled a few days before it happened. Yeah, me not happy about that. Now, when I heard that the University of Vermont was hosting one… well, it’s the closest it has since come to me… so I’m going.<br /><br />Burlington, Vermont is a 3 hour drive from me… so it was going to have to be a day trip. I figured I’d take a half-day at work, leaving at noon… and just get back REALLY late that night. The website said it was scheduled from 7pm to 10pm… so I was expecting to be home a little after 1:00am, probably later. Sure, the lack of sleep was going to be hell… but something about planning for it way ahead of time doesn’t make it seem so bad.<br /><br />Of course, had I realized that the day before was Columbus Day, of which I had the day off… I might have just taken a full day for an extra-long weekend. Oh well.<br /><br />After about a 3 hour drive, I got into Burlington. Now, I’d been there once before, about 11 years ago with some friends for a small day trip during college. But I didn’t drive, and I only remembered this little outdoor-mall area. As far as I knew, that was the extent of Burlington. I had forgotten the whole town was built around a fairly big school. (Or maybe it was vice-versa) I actually lucked out with my parking… I got into a tiny lot not far from the building where the presentation was going to be. Just as some lady from New York State was pulling out of a space, I snagged that one. (Score!)<br /><br />I went to pick up the tickets (I ordered them online in advance… I’d be damned if I drove 3 hours to and from just to find that they were sold out), and saw that it was actually a chapel. Most of the buildings I saw looked to have that “chapel-like” architecture… but this was an actual chapel, yet it didn’t look like it was used for actual services. (If it was, they were very sparse with the religious iconography) I did see a sign that told me it WAS used for Tae-Kwon-Do classes… which I think is great! Hell, if I had that near me, I’d have gone to church more myself. There was a group of student workers setting up a table display of all 4 PostSecret books… and by “setting up”, I mean they were sitting and reading them. Couldn’t blame them… I’d be doing the same. Got the tickets from them, and called my friend that I was meeting.<br /><br />She’s an old friend from college… I don’t think I’ve seen her since before I first went to California, but we kept in occasional communication. She’s the one that got me onto Facebook (or rather, the final person to prod me before I finally caved), and she drove up 2 hours herself to get there. She took the whole day off, and spent the whole day in Burlington.<br /><br />I headed downtown to meet her, and on my way passed a picture stuck to a lamppost. It was a flyer advertising some local band concert or event (I don’t even remember what it was)… but as many of these college-type advertisers do, they grab humorous pictures from wherever they find (mostly the Net these days) and use them on their flyers, regardless of the copyright. Since its college, no one ever really cares. This picture… was of Chewbacca grabbing Princess Leia’s boob, and both turned giving a faux-shock gasp. This wasn’t a drawing… it was a PHOTO. And I *don’t* think it was photoshopped. My guess is it was a picture they took behind the scenes while goofing around during <span style="font-weight:bold;"><span style="font-style:italic;">Empire Strikes Back</span></span>. This part has nothing to do with PostSecret… it just made me laugh.<br /><br />Met my friend and we went and got sushi. Mmmmm…. Sushi. We talked, did some catching up, and then headed to the chapel, as the doors were scheduled to open soon. When we arrived, there was already a fairly respectable line formed. We sidled on up and got in line. Soon after, the line started REALLY growing. Thank Jeebus we got in line when we did. The young lady that stood right behind us struck up a conversation, and we chatted for a bit… asking where we were from, how we heard about PostSecret and all that small-talk stuff. She was a nice gal, very pleasant, even ended up sitting next to us inside.<br /><br />Looking at the rest of the crowd… I think my friend and I were probably the oldest ones there. Hmmm… I guess I was hoping for a little more age variation in the audience, but then again, it’s a college campus… what was I expecting? I also found myself surprised by the fact that there seemed to be very few guys in the crowd… it was probably 90% girls. Normally, I don’t mind being genderly outnumbered… but this situation felt a little off. Maybe it was just the combination of the two. *shrug*<br /><br />Some security came around for a quick camera check (they weren’t allowed inside), and we started to slowly file in. The seats were pews (it was a chapel, after all), and we actually ended up with a pretty good view I thought. We weren’t right up to the stage, but we weren’t far back enough to have trouble seeing or reading anything that was up there. I thought we got a good spot.<br /><br />We waited there for a while longer, and a little after 7:00, it started. Frank Warren, the guy who started and runs the site, came out… a very calm, unassuming guy. He didn’t exude an overpowering feel-good <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2008/05/tetchy-about-touchy.html">touchy-feely</a> fakeness, he seemed humble, modest… normal. Hearing him talk, it felt… genuine. He wasn’t giving pseudo-pschological Oprah/Dr. Phil-style speeches about how you should feel good about yourself… in fact, the things he did talk about, and the stories he relayed… were about listening. He wasn’t the kind of guy that did a lot of talking… he listened.<br /><br />That’s the best part about PostSecret… even the best part about when I was going to therapy for the time I did… just being able to have someone LISTEN to you. I mean, *truly* listen… without judging or just waiting for their turn to talk. And when you send in a postcard, you really do have someone listening… potentially thousands. But guaranteed… at least one.<br /><br />When it came to the part of the presentation where the audience was invited to share their own secrets… with 2 microphone stands set up in the aisles. A few people started to get up and formed a small line at each. Frank had mentioned how the lines were always small at first, but quickly grew (mainly because few people are comfortable being first). After a few secrets were told, I turned to my friend and asked, “Should I?”<br /><br />In retrospect, I know that just saying that is me looking for a “yes, go.” So even though she said, “I don’t know… do what you want”… I decided to get in line.<br /><br />I’ve <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2007/10/harder-than-i-thought.html">sent in</a> secrets, <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2008/09/secret-for-secret.html">texted them and randomly placed them</a> around my gym… it seemed almost silly to drive 3 hours there and NOT say something. Was I going there for the experience to be just voyeuristic… or for it to be cathartic? I don’t know if it was ever about voyeurism (maybe a little bit)… but the other always seemed more important to me. So I got up.<br /><br />Just after I did, Frank asked that no more people got in line… but we would hear those who were already there. I looked behind me… no one. I looked at the pattern of going back and forth between the two microphones… and figured out that I was going to be the LAST person that spoke one. More than not being first… I didn’t want to be the LAST one. Maybe the performer in me felt slightly pressured to give a really good last secret for people to end the night with, but mine wasn’t that kind of secret. But… when it got to me, I just said what I was going to. I tried to say it simply… I didn’t want to give explanation or a set-up, and I tried to pick the words carefully so it wouldn’t take long. I tried to say it like I would on a postcard.<br /><br />Probably didn’t make a lot of sense to all the others… but it’s what I wanted to say, so screw ‘em. <br /><br />The presentation ended not long afterwards… actually, I thought it was going to go a lot longer. It definitely could have. It was only about 8:30 when it finished. Frank was being taken over to the next building for the book signing portion of the evening, and most people were either leaving or heading over there. My friend decided to get on the road and head home… I wanted to hang around just a little longer.<br /><br />I didn’t bring any of my PostSecret books to be signed… which is okay, because I’m not really into the autograph collecting. To me, the experience of being there was more important… and that happened whether I have an ink scribble to prove it or not. But I got into line anyway… because I just wanted to shake his hand. He’s read my secrets, he listened… as he’s done with a few hundred thousand others… and never violated that trust. I’ve only witnessed integrity from him and the website… and I think that’s worth a handshake.<br /><br />When I got to the front of the line, and it was my turn… I told him, “I’ve sent in secrets… I’ve texted them, and even randomly placed them around…<br /><br />… But never this one.”<br /><br />And I handed him a folded up piece of paper… where I had written another secret. One I’ve never told ANYONE… one that I’ve never even formed into words, spoken or written. It’s not something *I* think is bad… but something that I was made to be ashamed of when I was a kid. I’ve never told my best friend… nor any of my girlfriends, not even the one I thought was “the one”. But I told him.<br /><br />He smiled and thanked me, and shook my hand. I said, “Thank you… for all that you do.”<br /><br />Then I turned around and walked away… then drove 3 hours to get home.<br /><br />And you know something? The 6 hours of driving was completely worth it. While driving and reflecting on the trip… I started to tear up a little, and I’m not even completely sure why.<br /><br />He’s been called, “The Most Trusted Stranger in America”… he humbly says he’s not so sure of that.<br /><br />I think there’s a damn good argument for it.V. Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17784637105545220269noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34511226.post-11305888665513870722008-10-11T11:10:00.003-04:002008-10-11T11:20:25.410-04:00Do-over Make-overI seem to be going through a bit of a makeover. Granted, it’s a slow, subtle makeover… but a makeover all the same.<br /><br />I just got a new pair of glasses, for one. The last time I had glasses was the pair that I lost when I was in Grad School… about 8 years ago. I never bothered to replace them, and have just used my contact lenses ever since. I had that particular pair for about 7 years by that point… and they just didn’t go well with my face, anyway. (Maybe they did at one point… but in growing, my face changed shape a little, and I just didn’t like the way they fit… so I wasn’t heartbroken or even slightly stressed when they got misplaced)<br /><br />I had shopped around a couple months ago, toying with the idea of going with glasses again (because putting in the contacts everyday can be annoying)… but the store I went into had the salesman wanting me to try on “all the latest styles”. I asked for a particular shape of frames, and he just told me how they “don’t really have any in that shape… they’re not in style. But these look good on you!” Yeah, thanks Sparky. But this isn’t a t-shirt or a funky pair of jeans… these are significantly more expensive… and are meant to last upwards of a few years, at the very least. So the LAST thing I want is the “latest style”… which will look very stupid as soon as the NEXT style is “in”. I want something that’s going to look good on ME… and compliment my face, no matter what the latest “style” is. No matter how often I said, “I don’t care what the latest style is”, he kept saying it. I eventually left, making it clear I wasn’t buying anything from him. Screw his commission. Maybe he should try actual customer service.<br /><br />Then, a little over a week ago, I got a notice at work… I’ve been paying into a “flex medical spending” account all year. (If you buy anything vaguely medical… you can get reimbursed from this fund, as you’ve already paid for it. Mainly a handy way to keep some money aside for random medical stuff that comes up.) Apparently, if I don’t use up what’s in there before the end of the year… I completely lose it. So, I could just buy a bunch of cough syrup in December… but then I figured this is a good time to get those new eyeglasses.<br /><br />So, I put the call out to some female friends and relatives… looking for anyone in the area who’s available to help me pick out a pair, or give suggestions. A female friend did say that she thought I’d look “delicious in glasses”… which was nice encouragement. One of my cousins said she was available, and recommended a store that she always had good luck with. I also got suggestions from my gay friends. (Because that’s who I trust for fashion advice… women and gay men. It seems to work.) I was told to look for “round, frameless lenses”… as they would compliment the shape of my face (which can look a little “blocky”), and be subtle enough to let my face be seen and not distracted.<br /><br />That part actually fits my personal tastes. I don’t want something that says, “LOOK I’M WEARING GLASSES”. It’s like my shirts… I don’t do a lot of printed t-shirts with logos or funny sayings on them. I’d rather have people look at me and see *me*… not some clever art or gag that someone else wrote.<br /><br />I think I did well with the glasses I picked out. They are frameless… and roundish (if not perfectly round). Not many people seem to notice them at first… but some eventually said, “Did you wear glasses before?” Yeah, I think that means they’re subtle enough.<br /><br />The other big makeover element… is that I’ve been hitting the gym. Now, I don’t want to get to a point where I invalidate last year’s post about <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2007/11/im-having-fat-days.html">my fat days</a>… but rather, I think this move compliments it. In the past, I had started working out after I was feeling particularly good about myself… this particular instance started a little differently.<br /><br />I was at a friend’s house for his 8-year-old daughter’s birthday. I was there making animal balloons, juggling, etc… most of the stuff I used to do when I did children’s parties back West. Anyway… those kids tired me out WAY too quickly. And when I used to work with a Kid’s Theatre Group… I was helping to deal with 30+ kids every day for 5 days a week, for up to 6 weeks at a time. Now, one day for a few hours… I’m dead tired. Some pointed out, “Yeah, but you were in the Bounce-House… that will tire anyone out!” Which is true… maybe I shouldn’t feel so bad… but I still felt like I should have lasted longer than that. I so quickly got to the point of “over-exertion” that it seriously felt like something was wrong. So the next day, I went to the gym closest to my work, and signed up. (It helps that my work reimburses me for half the cost of the gym)<br /><br />I do like this gym… much better than when I used to go to Schmally’s Total Fitness. Here, they tout it as a “judgment-free zone”. (Nice thought… but how do you control someone “thinking”?) They also have a trainer on-hand to help you out, almost all the time. When I joined Shmally’s… one of their bonuses was a “free hour with a personal trainer”, which was basically a one-hour advertisement to spend $1,000 to hire him. Wasn’t useful at all. Here, they actually sit down with you and create a personalized workout plan based on you and what your goals are. (My goals: “To have more energy, and to look good naked.” Hey, everyone’s thinking that… I just had the balls to say it.) That’s exactly what I need… a structured plan. If you just give me a bunch of machines and say “Go for it”… I’ll do a bunch of excercises, but I’ll end up missing a lot of key muscle groups, because I won’t know what I’m doing. They also gave me a little dietary advice, and they’re always willing to answer my questions whenever I ask. This is a much better place than Bally-… I mean, Schmally’s. (Don’t want to do any endorsements either way)<br /><br />I started that program in mid-August. My goal was to hopefully see some decent results by Halloween. Figured 2 ½ months was a reasonable amount of time to do so. Well, since then, the bathroom scale has constantly said “205 lbs”… then again, my cat stepped across it the other day, and I could have sworn it said “205 lbs”… so I’m thinking I can’t exactly trust it. My arms have gotten a little bigger… and my legs are a little slimmer… yet I haven’t really noticed anything in the belly-area… the part I was mainly concerned about. But last week, when I went for a haircut… the girl that I go to asked me if I’ve lost weight, saying I look a little slimmer. That comment just ensured me going back to the gym for the next 2 months.<br /><br />Some minor elements of the slow-make-over… I’m trying harder to upgrade my wardrobe. Last winter, I sprung for a new suit… which was a big step for me, actually. The first suit I ever got was the one my parents bought for my Senior Pictures in High School. Which I ended up also using for my Senior Pictures in College… and several other instances in between and after. I also got some hand-me-downs from relatives and whatnot… but no matter how often they said, “Wow, it looks like it was *made* for you…” I knew it wasn’t. It wasn’t *my* suit. None of them were. So this… in a very real sense… is my first suit. (I also picked up a navy blazer with it. Thank you, Men’s Wearhouse.)<br /><br />Fashion-wise… my tastes are fairly simple. Most of my dress shirts and even t-shirts, are solid colors. I’m not big on patterns… but I’m trying to keep an eye out for striped shirts that I think look good. Again, though… it needs to be a simple pattern for me. Not 17 stripes of different shades of the same color… that’s too noisy for me. Even if they look good on me… I don’t like it. Pants… I like khakis mainly, but I’ll only wear my black slacks for work or something.<br /><br />One of the qualities I’d really like to find in my next relationship is someone with a good sense of style. Someone that I can go shopping with and will do well with helping me to look nice. (Yes, I’m a man that doesn’t mind going shopping.) With my last relationship, we didn’t do that very often… I would have liked to, but not having a lot of money to do that with puts a damper on it. (The curse of the starving artist) She did help me pick out my first leather jacket… which I never wore that often, actually. I think the reminder of her (this was *that* relationship) dissuaded me from wanting to wear it… but thankfully, it doesn’t bother me that much anymore. (<span style="font-style:italic;">Which is good… because it’s coming up on the not-so-happy anniversary. Yes, I hate the fact that I still remember that.</span>) So, these days I’m trying to wear it more often.<br /><br />Now, I’ve tried to go through a few “make-overs” over the years… and oddly enough, usually whenever I did try to have a make-over… or at least make some “change” to myself that was noticeable to others… I found I got noticed by the opposite sex a lot more than usual, and sometimes would end up in a relationship within a couple of months. After I shaved my head (for a show) and sported the “bald” look for a while, I found several instances of being noticed. Same thing after I started dyeing my hair blonde and returned to school after working out for a summer. Maybe it was the confidence of feeling like a new person that showed through… or the drastic change that caught their attention… or maybe a bit of both. Who knows?<br /><br />This certainly didn’t happen ALL the time… in fact, only a few relationships started after a make-over. Most of the time it was just little ole me from start to finish.<br /><br />But the thing that I’ve noticed about make-overs… they’re not permanent. We think of them as potentially life-changing kinds of things… but after a period of time, we do fall back into old habits. At best, make-overs tend to be “temporary ego-boosters”… which can be a good thing. Many of us need more self-confidence more often. (I know I wouldn’t mind it) But the brief nature of them… can be a bit depressing.<br /><br />Maybe that’s why I’m sticking to the “slow” make-over. Doing it slowly, over a longer period… trying to work on one element at a time, which will hopefully be healthier for me both physically and mentally. If it’s a choice between feeling FABULOUS about myself for a very short time… or feeling “pretty darn good” about myself for life. I’ll take the latter.<br /><br />Sure, the changes will be subtle and gradual… so anyone that already knows me won’t overtly notice it right away. Plus, it’s a LOT harder to do it long-term… it’s easy to shave the head or dye the hair or get a new suit. But the hair grows in, the dye fades, and the suit won’t get worn all the time. But just maybe, while walking around on a normal day somewhere down the line, I’ll be able to catch the eye of someone new… someone that’s worth noticing, and who will find me to be noticeable, too. <br /><br />At least now I’ll be able to see them… because I gots new glasses. :)V. Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17784637105545220269noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34511226.post-56306280732269785312008-10-03T15:54:00.002-04:002008-10-03T16:00:07.833-04:00Awesome AutumnAh, October… this really is my favorite time of year.<br /><br />Autumn is the best for me, hands down. And to me, the Fall begins in October. The Summer ends on the 31st of August… and September was always that weird limbo-month when school started. But it’s officially Fall when October hits.<br /><br />When I was living on the West Coast… this was always the time of year that I missed New England the most. From October 1st to Thanksgiving… if I ever got “homesick” it was then. (After that, it got too freaking cold. I’d spend a week back home for Christmas, get my fill of snow in that time… and most of the rest of the year can be nicely experienced in the fairly tepid temperatures of the Pacific Time Zone.) Northern California had *some* similarities to New England… mostly in the Geography (at least the area I was in), but you still didn’t have the color changes of the leaves. Up there it was almost all Evergreen trees… which were pretty on their own, but you couldn’t tell if it was the Dog Days of Summer or early February just by looking around.<br /><br />In fact, the changing of the leaves is what really signifies Autumn. The colors of Fall are yellow, red and orange… and you get the best color-changes here in New England. You even get people from out-of-state that make trips solely to see the leaves change color. Personally, I think that’s a *tad* on the extreme side. It’s all great to look at when you’re on your way to see or do something else… as part of the journey… but as the destination? That just seems… a little boring. If you’re only reason to come to New England right now is to watch leaves die and fall off their branch… you *really* need better hobbies. We do have a few amusement parks, and other things worth looking at, you know… not just rotting plant life. (Which is essentially what it is)<br /><br />But still, whatever floats your boat, I guess. Though it actually is a bit on the appropriate side to go out of your way to see death and decay… because October is also the time of Halloween!<br /><br />Yeah, I admit… that’s probably my biggest reason for loving Autumn. It’s the closest thing that I have to a true “religious holiday”. (In fact, I *am* taking that day off work this year.) Sure, my first Halloween back here wasn’t the greatest, <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2007/11/reflections-on-hallows-eve.html">as I mentioned last year</a>, but I’ll always be hopeful. In fact, I *am* planning to give Salem another shot this year… so we’ll see if it goes any better than last time.<br /><br />But even if it’s too commercial or “sell-out”… New England is still THE place to be for the Halloween season.<br /><br />Face it, New England INVENTED freaking Halloween!<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">(Okay that statement is 75% mistaken… and the other 25 is a flat-out lie… but hopefully you know what I mean…)</span><br /><br />You wanna know why Halloween in New England is the best? Because living around here… is like living in an actual horror film.<br /><br />There’s a damn good reason that Steven King and H.P. Lovecraft set 95% of their stories in this region. Because it can get pretty damn creepy… and that’s WITHOUT specialized decorations or any effort at all.<br /><br />Looking at the history of the United States (as an entity)… this is the oldest part of it. Yes, I know that the Native Americans were all over the place long before that… but this is where the silly Europeans first landed… and brought with them all the superstitions and religious fire-and-brimstone stuff that scared the piss out of them in the first place. The native tribes looked at us like we were slack-jawed “furr-en-ers” and decided not to clue us in on what we should and shouldn’t really be afraid of in nature. (So, we ended up getting some of the ideas flipped)<br /><br />But silly ideas and superstitions are what made for good atmosphere… so we had witches and spooky nights almost from the get-go. So now New England has atmosphere in spades, moreso then probably any other area of the country… and I eat it up like a kid’s sugar-laden loot after a hefty trick-or-treating haul!<br /><br />Speaking of which, the art of trick-or-treating seems to have declined. I consider them sad, almost tragic, stories when I hear of houses that “didn’t get many kids this year”… or in some cases, none at all. <br /><br />The last time I went trick-or-treating was actually in Graduate School. I went with a bunch of friends in my Improv Group… we dressed up, grabbed pillow cases for sacks, and headed into the suburban neighborhoods and went trick-or-treating. The fact that we were all in our 20s (I was the oldest at 25) notwithstanding… we wanted our candy! (and the people were fine about giving it to us) I didn’t even care much about the candy, and I think I just threw a lot of it away in the end… but the experience of it was so much fun. It was a nice substitute for not being in New England that year.<br /><br />Halloween is such an “overall” experience for me… I can’t just be satisfied with a one-night thing… it’s a full month-long celebration!<br /><br />Every movie I see… I want it to be a horror film. I especially love the old ones… the black and white ones. They just help give me the “feeling” of Halloween so much more. And I’m not into the blood and gore (which I’ve <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2008/04/oh-horror.html">talked about before</a>), but the actual scary stuff. It’s annoying when studios make horror films and release them in August and September… but *rarely* in October. *That’s* when I want to see them! Not in the summer, or limbo-month! At Halloween! November? Why bother??<br /><br />The <a href="http://hiddenhero.blogspot.com/2008/06/book-me.html">books I read</a>… have to be scary stories. I break out my scary story anthologies, and read them with the biggest smile on my face.<br /><br />TV… I always try to catch the “Halloween Specials” that my favorite shows inevitably have. And thanks to DVD, I can watch them at MY schedule. <span style="font-weight:bold;"><span style="font-style:italic;">It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown</span></span> is always required viewing (I have to see that, or it’s guaranteed to be a bad Halloween that year)… if I watch <span style="font-weight:bold;"><span style="font-style:italic;">The Muppet Show</span></span>, I watch the episodes with Vincent Price or Alice Cooper. I always wanted <span style="font-weight:bold;"><span style="font-style:italic;">The Simpsons Halloween Special</span></span> to be a part of that tradition… but they always show the newest one AFTER Halloween. Like the November Horror movies… why even bother?<br /><br />You see… for me, Halloween is a bit like male sexuality. It works best with a slow build-up… almost teasing. Gradually getting more and more intense and fun all the way up to the pinnacle, the climax… the coup-de-gras… Halloween night! And once that’s over… my interest COMPLETELY falls off. (A bit of an uncouth comparison… but an accurate one all the same)<br /><br />Yep, as soon as it hits the morning of November 1st… I am finished with Halloween for the year. I don’t have much interest in eating Halloween candy… I’ve had my fill of horror movies for awhile… if I’m thinking of it, I *might* go to the store and get some discounted stuff to prepare for next year (but I rarely remember)… and all I care about is cleaning up and putting my attention to the upcoming Thanksgiving/Christmas holiday. (Basically going from one extreme to the next) Sure we can hang around a little and talk about how much fun we had… but when the calendar changes… I’m looking forward to what’s next.<br /><br />As much as I love Halloween and horror… it isn’t my life. (Some may argue this) I just enjoy the season of “my” holiday, and like to get the most out of it. And that usually tides me over quite nicely until next year.<br /><br />But for now… it’s only the beginning of October… and I’ve got lots of plans for the next few weeks. :)<br /><br />Huzzah!V. Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17784637105545220269noreply@blogger.com4