My love of the website PostSecret… ironically, is not a secret.
I last wrote about it almost a year ago… about the first postcard I sent in. Since writing that, I’ve made more postcards (like I said I would) and sent them in. Probably about 5 or 6 more. It *did* get easier to send those in. Some, I just wrote simply on the postcard, others I tried drawing.
None of them were ever posted… but like I said before, if you send it in with the expectation of them appearing on the site, you’re doing it for the wrong reasons. The guy gets over 1,000 a week, and posts 25 of them. Odds aren’t in your favor.
But it’s the telling of the secret is the key. It’s entrusting it to a complete stranger… even potentially the world. Maybe even getting away from it. Giving the secret to someone else… because you don’t want it anymore.
Since last year, the site now has a presence on MySpace and Facebook, of which I also check every now and then (though not as often as the main site). These sites are mainly used as “what’s going on” with the site, and upcoming seminars/exhibits and whatnot… while the main site is solely for the weekly postcards, and nothing else.
Last Saturday, I was looking at the latest MySpace blog… and people have started posting their cell phone numbers in the comments section… for the purpose of letting strangers text-message secrets to them. The “instructions” just said to go to the latest one posted, and send it to that person. I thought that it could be dangerous… but honestly… I think the only people that READ the PostSecret MySpace blog… or the main site itself… are the kind of people that wouldn’t abuse it. Plus… you can always go back and remove your comment if you get too nervous.
I sent off a few of my own to some numbers that were posted. And a few minutes later:
I posted my own cell number.
Within 2 minutes… I got my first text-secret.
It… was a bit heavy. More so then I was expecting. It definitely showed me that this is an experience that isn’t F**king around.
But the trust it shows… to send that to *me*, and who the hell am I? It absolutely humbled me. Sorry, I won’t say what it is… because it *is* a secret. Entrusted to me, and I don’t tell secrets that aren’t mine to begin with. I took the secret so this person wouldn’t have to keep it. Hopefully, it helps them… they said it did.
Within the hour, I got several more. For the next 3 hours, until I went to sleep, I just lay on my bed, texting secrets back and forth to strangers from across the country… some told me their names, some asked for feedback. But I always exchanged a secret for a secret. I believe that’s part of the trust.
It felt… very intimate. Sharing some things that even people I’m close to don’t even know about me. I actually felt connected to so many people at once… it kinda feels like falling in Love. The trust I felt… the trust I gave… the vulnerability, seeing and feeling it… and especially NOT suffering embarrassment for it, or having it shoved back in your face.
I think I can honestly say… it was one of the most Beautiful experiences I’ve ever had. And you know I don’t take the word “Beautiful” lightly.
I was still texting a few people the next morning… continuing conversations. Now, I don’t have unlimited texts… but frankly, I don’t care. I’ll pay the extra fees… this experience was too wonderful to not continue as long as I could. I even got some new people texting me… even though there were more recent numbers posted after mine.
I wanted this to continue… I wanted to do something more.
So, I wrote out several secrets of mine… and when I went to the gym for my daily masochism/work-out… I placed them all around. (I don’t think anyone saw me) Didn’t put them in obvious places… but hopefully places where they would be found. I did notice a few people actually saw them… fewer actually picked them up to read them. But I don’t think anyone threw them away… at least when I was there. But the next day they were gone. So… I put out a few more. I’d like to think that someone was picking them up and keeping them… and not tossing them in the trash, but who knows? Maybe the gym isn’t the most empathetic place to hide secrets at… but the place does advertise itself as a “judgment free-zone”… so that makes it sound kind of appropriate. It’d be hypocritical if they frowned on my behavior… don’t you think?
Hiding those secrets… was fun. And a bit cathartic. Because like the texting and sending in the postcards… it’s a way to get away from the secret. To get rid of it, in a sense (though not really).
This whole past week has been filled with PostSecret for me. I discovered that there’s going to be a “PostSecret Event”… basically a seminar and exhibit, given by the founder, and it’s coming fairly close. By “fairly close”, I mean about 3 hours away. But it’s the closest the tour has come to me yet… about 7 months ago, another was scheduled that was closer… but it got cancelled a few days before it happened, much to my chagrin… so I’m not skipping *this* opportunity. I’m taking a half-day at work, and driving up for that evening. Sure, coming back so late will suck… but I think it will be worth it.
And I’m sure I’ll do another update when that comes up in a few weeks. Count on it.
Showing posts with label MySpace. Show all posts
Showing posts with label MySpace. Show all posts
9.26.2008
8.01.2008
Jerked and Re-Jerked
There was a young lady that I had met through a dating/meeting site. (I don’t remember which one) We had written a few times early on, and added each other as friends on MySpace… and then nothing really happened. We sat there as “MySpace friends” for probably about a year. Then one day, I was looking through my friend list, and saw her, and was reminded of her.
Now, I don’t like to have “MySpace Friends”… that is to say, people whose only connection to me is through MySpace. I took a bit of pride in the fact that all my “friends” on there… were ACTUALLY my friends, and I at least knew them in SOME capacity outside of MySpace. There are a few I’ve never met in person… but those are women that were posters to the now-defunct Grrl Genius Blog that was on iVillage.com… so I don’t mind having them on there. But this woman was someone that I really *didn’t * know… but I had wanted to. Technically… since I met her “online” BEFORE I swore off the Internet dating… well, I figured I’d be okay making that last exception. (The fact she had a very beautiful picture probably helped with that… I admit.)
So, I wrote to her… reinstituting contact. She wrote back… and we started a pretty regular correspondence for a week or so. Then we traded phone numbers… and chatted a few times. I enjoyed what I was hearing… and she didn’t seem turned off by my self-deprecating geekiness (though I was trying to keep it under control). I took the chance and asked if she wanted to go out that weekend. She said yes… and we made plans.
She lives just outside Boston, so it took me a little over an hour to get there. Now, it being a first date and all… and I had a *little* more interest in her going into this then the other casual dates I’d met… so I wanted to do something “date-like”, but non-pressure. I admit… I’m looking for love, not just friends… but I also don’t want to jump into anything. I don’t want to go into this thinking, “Yes, let’s start a relationship right now”… but rather say, “I want to give this a fair opportunity to see if it goes anywhere.”
Pressure sucks… I’m not looking to give any pressure, and I don’t want to get any. I just want to be able to relax, and have a good time with someone and be myself.
Then again, I also move slower than a snail through a tar pit.
Anyway… I wanted to do something “date-like”… and I considered flowers, or rather a single flower… but thought that *would* be a slight form of “pressure” or even cliché (maybe not… maybe I’m the only one that overthinks this crap). But I did get, what I thought was, a good idea. I got her a book. “The Tao of Pooh”… we had actually talked a little about that subject during one of our conversations, and I mentioned that book as one I liked, and she said she never read it. I thought it might be a nice, no-pressure kind of small first-date gift that would be appropriate, respectful, fun… and hopefully leave a good impression.
I got to her apartment building, called her, and waited outside. When she came out… I would go so far to say that I thought she looked BETTER than her picture. She dressed practically (it was chilly New England Spring Weather), and still looked very stylish. I thought she looked great. We greeted, I gave her the book, (which she seemed pleased by) and then we got in my car to go get lunch.
I figured “lunch” was a nice, casual non-pressure kind of first date. I knew it was going to be fairly short, as such… and I was okay with that. I didn’t want to wear out any welcome… especially on the first in-person meeting… and of all the “Dating Rules” I’ve ever heard, “leave them wanting more” was one of the few that ever actually made any sense to me. I just had to hope that brief time we hung out… would in fact leave her wanting more.
To be honest… I had a great time. Yeah, driving there felt a *little* awkward… only because I never know what to do with the awkward silences. For me, it’s easier to forward the conversation when I’m facing her. Obviously, that would have killed us (ramming into the guardrail is never cool)… but I did my best, and didn’t think the drive was painful. When we found a restaurant, I felt that the conversation went a bit easier… (but that’s only my opinion… she could have had a completely different view on the matter)
And she was really nice to talk to. You know, if I were to try and judge by body language… I would have thought that she was interested in me as well. There was lots of smiling, a little bit of shyly looking away… all the crap *I* do when I’m interested in someone. I was actually feeling good about this date… and I hadn’t had a good first date (meaning “one that I wanted to lead to a second”) in a very long time.
I dropped her off at her home… I think we only spent about 2 hours… maybe 2 ½ hours together total. Like I said… wanted to start light… not overstay my welcome, and leave her wanting more. (Because I sure did)
Now, I told her flat-out and upfront and honestly… I had a great time, I really liked her… and I wanted to see her again. She said, “Sure”. But I reiterated… I wasn’t saying this because that’s what you’re supposed to say at this point… I wanted to make PLANS to see her again. She said she was busy that next weekend, due to a fundraiser she was working at… but the next weekend, she was free. I said, “Great! I hope I’ll also get to speak to you several times before then.” I told her I would give her a call soon, we hugged goodbye and I left.
No, I didn’t try for a kiss. (I told you… snail through a tar pit.) I figure if it really does go somewhere, there’s plenty of time for that in the future… and again, I don’t like to give pressure. Maybe I move TOO slowly for most people… but I was hoping it would be just enough for her.
I called her the next evening… just like I said I would. She didn’t answer, so I left a brief message… thanking her and telling her I had a great time, and that I hope to hear from her soon.
Nothing. Didn’t hear back from her.
I knew she was majorly busy during the week most days (though we didn’t have much of a problem with our phone calls before… oddly), and normally only “available” on weekends. With it being an hour-plus drive for me… that would have to be the only time I’d be able to physically see her. But I was okay with that idea. If we did develop into something, I’d rather see her once a week than not at all… but I would at least want to TALK to her as often as possible.
But the week went by… and I heard nothing from her. No call… no e-mail message. That Friday, I sent her a message saying, “You’ve probably been busy… but I wanted to wish you luck with your fundraiser tomorrow, and I hope to hear from you soon.” After that… I wasn’t going to send any more. I instituted contact twice… and that’s enough. Any more than that feels stalker-ish. (And stalking is soooo mid-90s)
So, after another week… I concluded that I was being blown off. For the next 3 weeks, I *still* hoped she would call.
I’ve gotten that kind of rejection several times before. Seem to have a great time with someone… they say they’d like to see me again… I call, and they never call back. Why can’t they just say upfront, “You’re a nice guy… but I don’t know if I feel any sparks”?
Personally, I feel that if I have to work up the guts to ask you out… you should work up the guts to tell me you’re not interested. I’ll respect that a hell of a lot more than just being blown off, while keeping my expectations going and stringing me along. It’s the “inaction” that sucks.
A bit more than a month goes by… it’s May. After 4 years of having the same cell phone… I decided to finally upgrade. I go into the AT&T store… my provider, and see what they have. I find a pretty good deal… with the same phone plan I have, same cost and everything… so I get it. The clerk takes the chip out of my old phone and puts it into the new one… and it brings with it the address book and all my contacts. (ooooh… neato) While he’s ringing up my order… I’m playing with the buttons on my new phone… which is turning out to be VERY different from the old one. The concurrent conversation in my head went something like this:
“Okay, that seems to be the ‘menu’ button… that brings me back to the start screen… okay, that’s what brings up the address book….I’ll scroll down a bit… yep, they all seem to be there. Alright, cancel out of this, and get to that main menu… Wait… that’s not it. Dialing? What’s it dialing? I didn’t want it to dial… Who’s it calling? “So-and-So”… Huh? Oh, So-and-So was that Beautiful one that blew me off and didn’t call back. Why do I still have her number? It says I’m calling her… I’m calling her?... Uh… Oh my God… I’m *calling* her! AHHH!!! CANCEL CANCEL CANCEL CANCEL CANCEL CANCEL!!!!”
Visions of her looking at her “missed call” list and saying, “Oh God… not this guy. I thought he got the hint!” plagued me for the next 3 hours.
Yeah… further proof that my life is a badly-written sitcom.
After that little “3-Stooges” moment… I did delete her number, out of fear of that happening again. Also, it didn’t make sense to hang onto it… as I most likely wasn’t going to hear from her again.
A few weeks later, after I got back from a brief trip to California for a friend’s wedding… during which I attained some minor revelations about other issues in my life… I did some “clean-up”… and deleted some people from MySpace… ones that I didn’t really know, and seem to have no interest in knowing me. So-and-So was one of them.
Now it brings us to about now. 2 months later… 4 months since that initial first date.
So-and-So wrote to me.
It came pretty much out of the blue… she thanked me for the book, said it was thoughtful… and she was sorry for being so inconsiderate for waiting so long to write me. She also said that if I wasn’t “too mad”, she’d like to hang out as friends, as she thinks it would be fun.
Well… I wasn’t ever “mad”. Just disappointed that she seemed uninterested.
But now… does this mean she is/was interested? That’s only the start of my questions…
Does she *really* want to just “be friends”? Because I thought I made it clear that I was looking for *more* than “friends”. I’ve got a lot of friends… several that are already an hour-plus away. I go that much North, I see my Best Friend… I go that way West… I can see another friend. I go that way East, I… end up in the ocean. Okay, East is out… but still.
Is saying “Friends” just a euphemism? Is she trying to undershoot with her words, playing it safe? What exactly are her expectations here?
And what is the impetus for all this? What was the sudden inspiration to write to me after 4 months?
Did she also go out with another guy at the time? Decided to try and pursue something with him, that didn’t work out? Then thought, “Hey, what about that other guy, the one that gave me the Tao of Pooh? I never really gave him a chance…” (If so… I can understand that… that’s fine. Maybe that makes me sound like the Second Choice… but I also tend to look at those kinds of situations as “Second Chances”.)
Did she randomly come across the book in her apartment, and that reminded her of me?
Or did she notice I deleted her off MySpace? *shrug* I have no idea.
I wrote her back the next morning, after sleeping on it. I’m open to the idea of seeing her again… and yes, I’m weary… but I don’t want to reject what could be an opportunity. I was busy that weekend, but I suggested we could plan something for the next weekend.
And that was the truth… She left a great first impression on me… and yeah, the blow-off may have sullied that a bit… and I think I do deserve to know why it took so long… what was the holdup, why was I seemingly being jerked around? But if she’s serious about seeing me again… I can wait until she’s willing to tell me on her own terms.
I sent it off. Didn’t get a reply. One of the neat things about MySpace is that you can go to your “Sent” messages and see whether or not the recipient actually read your e-mail. Well… she apparently didn’t check her e-mail all weekend. In fact, apparently, she didn’t check it until Monday… and she did read it.
As of this writing, she hasn’t responded back.
So… I’m suddenly feeling “jerked around” all over again. Sheesh… why is it when I get someone out of my mind, they try to show up in my life again? Why does anyone think I need the reminder?
I wasn’t mad before… just disappointed… but now I’m getting a bit “upset”. If you contact someone and you’re expecting/hoping for a response… why wouldn’t you try and check your e-mail more often? She probably doesn’t know I no longer have her number… but I’m not going to assume she still has mine... so maybe she just doesn’t get the chance to check e-mail. Okay, I’ll go with that. But when she DOES check it… and reads my response… no reply? I’m sorry… if you have time to read it… you have time to write a fast note saying, “I don’t have much time… here’s my number again, call me so we can plan something. I look forward to it!” There. Voila. That’s all you need. That’s all *I* need. (and when I call… return it!)
But if she honestly didn’t have the time to read or reply to my messages… well, if we *were* to develop into something… when was there going to be time for Me? I understand “being busy”… but guess what? We’re ALL busy. But I *make* the time if I want to see someone.
That’s one of the things on my “Required List”… I want someone who’s willing to MAKE time for me… and I’m under the impression she’s not willing or able to do that.
So why am I torturing myself over all this? Especially when there’s a 95% chance that she probably ISN’T thinking about it.
Cause I’m an idiot. That’s why. (Good thing I’m okay with that…)
So… I wish her well. She’s smart, beautiful, and more than pleasant to be around. I hope she finds what she’s looking for… I just have a sneaking suspicion it’s not me.
*shrug*
Now, I don’t like to have “MySpace Friends”… that is to say, people whose only connection to me is through MySpace. I took a bit of pride in the fact that all my “friends” on there… were ACTUALLY my friends, and I at least knew them in SOME capacity outside of MySpace. There are a few I’ve never met in person… but those are women that were posters to the now-defunct Grrl Genius Blog that was on iVillage.com… so I don’t mind having them on there. But this woman was someone that I really *didn’t * know… but I had wanted to. Technically… since I met her “online” BEFORE I swore off the Internet dating… well, I figured I’d be okay making that last exception. (The fact she had a very beautiful picture probably helped with that… I admit.)
So, I wrote to her… reinstituting contact. She wrote back… and we started a pretty regular correspondence for a week or so. Then we traded phone numbers… and chatted a few times. I enjoyed what I was hearing… and she didn’t seem turned off by my self-deprecating geekiness (though I was trying to keep it under control). I took the chance and asked if she wanted to go out that weekend. She said yes… and we made plans.
She lives just outside Boston, so it took me a little over an hour to get there. Now, it being a first date and all… and I had a *little* more interest in her going into this then the other casual dates I’d met… so I wanted to do something “date-like”, but non-pressure. I admit… I’m looking for love, not just friends… but I also don’t want to jump into anything. I don’t want to go into this thinking, “Yes, let’s start a relationship right now”… but rather say, “I want to give this a fair opportunity to see if it goes anywhere.”
Pressure sucks… I’m not looking to give any pressure, and I don’t want to get any. I just want to be able to relax, and have a good time with someone and be myself.
Then again, I also move slower than a snail through a tar pit.
Anyway… I wanted to do something “date-like”… and I considered flowers, or rather a single flower… but thought that *would* be a slight form of “pressure” or even cliché (maybe not… maybe I’m the only one that overthinks this crap). But I did get, what I thought was, a good idea. I got her a book. “The Tao of Pooh”… we had actually talked a little about that subject during one of our conversations, and I mentioned that book as one I liked, and she said she never read it. I thought it might be a nice, no-pressure kind of small first-date gift that would be appropriate, respectful, fun… and hopefully leave a good impression.
I got to her apartment building, called her, and waited outside. When she came out… I would go so far to say that I thought she looked BETTER than her picture. She dressed practically (it was chilly New England Spring Weather), and still looked very stylish. I thought she looked great. We greeted, I gave her the book, (which she seemed pleased by) and then we got in my car to go get lunch.
I figured “lunch” was a nice, casual non-pressure kind of first date. I knew it was going to be fairly short, as such… and I was okay with that. I didn’t want to wear out any welcome… especially on the first in-person meeting… and of all the “Dating Rules” I’ve ever heard, “leave them wanting more” was one of the few that ever actually made any sense to me. I just had to hope that brief time we hung out… would in fact leave her wanting more.
To be honest… I had a great time. Yeah, driving there felt a *little* awkward… only because I never know what to do with the awkward silences. For me, it’s easier to forward the conversation when I’m facing her. Obviously, that would have killed us (ramming into the guardrail is never cool)… but I did my best, and didn’t think the drive was painful. When we found a restaurant, I felt that the conversation went a bit easier… (but that’s only my opinion… she could have had a completely different view on the matter)
And she was really nice to talk to. You know, if I were to try and judge by body language… I would have thought that she was interested in me as well. There was lots of smiling, a little bit of shyly looking away… all the crap *I* do when I’m interested in someone. I was actually feeling good about this date… and I hadn’t had a good first date (meaning “one that I wanted to lead to a second”) in a very long time.
I dropped her off at her home… I think we only spent about 2 hours… maybe 2 ½ hours together total. Like I said… wanted to start light… not overstay my welcome, and leave her wanting more. (Because I sure did)
Now, I told her flat-out and upfront and honestly… I had a great time, I really liked her… and I wanted to see her again. She said, “Sure”. But I reiterated… I wasn’t saying this because that’s what you’re supposed to say at this point… I wanted to make PLANS to see her again. She said she was busy that next weekend, due to a fundraiser she was working at… but the next weekend, she was free. I said, “Great! I hope I’ll also get to speak to you several times before then.” I told her I would give her a call soon, we hugged goodbye and I left.
No, I didn’t try for a kiss. (I told you… snail through a tar pit.) I figure if it really does go somewhere, there’s plenty of time for that in the future… and again, I don’t like to give pressure. Maybe I move TOO slowly for most people… but I was hoping it would be just enough for her.
I called her the next evening… just like I said I would. She didn’t answer, so I left a brief message… thanking her and telling her I had a great time, and that I hope to hear from her soon.
Nothing. Didn’t hear back from her.
I knew she was majorly busy during the week most days (though we didn’t have much of a problem with our phone calls before… oddly), and normally only “available” on weekends. With it being an hour-plus drive for me… that would have to be the only time I’d be able to physically see her. But I was okay with that idea. If we did develop into something, I’d rather see her once a week than not at all… but I would at least want to TALK to her as often as possible.
But the week went by… and I heard nothing from her. No call… no e-mail message. That Friday, I sent her a message saying, “You’ve probably been busy… but I wanted to wish you luck with your fundraiser tomorrow, and I hope to hear from you soon.” After that… I wasn’t going to send any more. I instituted contact twice… and that’s enough. Any more than that feels stalker-ish. (And stalking is soooo mid-90s)
So, after another week… I concluded that I was being blown off. For the next 3 weeks, I *still* hoped she would call.
I’ve gotten that kind of rejection several times before. Seem to have a great time with someone… they say they’d like to see me again… I call, and they never call back. Why can’t they just say upfront, “You’re a nice guy… but I don’t know if I feel any sparks”?
Personally, I feel that if I have to work up the guts to ask you out… you should work up the guts to tell me you’re not interested. I’ll respect that a hell of a lot more than just being blown off, while keeping my expectations going and stringing me along. It’s the “inaction” that sucks.
A bit more than a month goes by… it’s May. After 4 years of having the same cell phone… I decided to finally upgrade. I go into the AT&T store… my provider, and see what they have. I find a pretty good deal… with the same phone plan I have, same cost and everything… so I get it. The clerk takes the chip out of my old phone and puts it into the new one… and it brings with it the address book and all my contacts. (ooooh… neato) While he’s ringing up my order… I’m playing with the buttons on my new phone… which is turning out to be VERY different from the old one. The concurrent conversation in my head went something like this:
“Okay, that seems to be the ‘menu’ button… that brings me back to the start screen… okay, that’s what brings up the address book….I’ll scroll down a bit… yep, they all seem to be there. Alright, cancel out of this, and get to that main menu… Wait… that’s not it. Dialing? What’s it dialing? I didn’t want it to dial… Who’s it calling? “So-and-So”… Huh? Oh, So-and-So was that Beautiful one that blew me off and didn’t call back. Why do I still have her number? It says I’m calling her… I’m calling her?... Uh… Oh my God… I’m *calling* her! AHHH!!! CANCEL CANCEL CANCEL CANCEL CANCEL CANCEL!!!!”
Visions of her looking at her “missed call” list and saying, “Oh God… not this guy. I thought he got the hint!” plagued me for the next 3 hours.
Yeah… further proof that my life is a badly-written sitcom.
After that little “3-Stooges” moment… I did delete her number, out of fear of that happening again. Also, it didn’t make sense to hang onto it… as I most likely wasn’t going to hear from her again.
A few weeks later, after I got back from a brief trip to California for a friend’s wedding… during which I attained some minor revelations about other issues in my life… I did some “clean-up”… and deleted some people from MySpace… ones that I didn’t really know, and seem to have no interest in knowing me. So-and-So was one of them.
Now it brings us to about now. 2 months later… 4 months since that initial first date.
So-and-So wrote to me.
It came pretty much out of the blue… she thanked me for the book, said it was thoughtful… and she was sorry for being so inconsiderate for waiting so long to write me. She also said that if I wasn’t “too mad”, she’d like to hang out as friends, as she thinks it would be fun.
Well… I wasn’t ever “mad”. Just disappointed that she seemed uninterested.
But now… does this mean she is/was interested? That’s only the start of my questions…
Does she *really* want to just “be friends”? Because I thought I made it clear that I was looking for *more* than “friends”. I’ve got a lot of friends… several that are already an hour-plus away. I go that much North, I see my Best Friend… I go that way West… I can see another friend. I go that way East, I… end up in the ocean. Okay, East is out… but still.
Is saying “Friends” just a euphemism? Is she trying to undershoot with her words, playing it safe? What exactly are her expectations here?
And what is the impetus for all this? What was the sudden inspiration to write to me after 4 months?
Did she also go out with another guy at the time? Decided to try and pursue something with him, that didn’t work out? Then thought, “Hey, what about that other guy, the one that gave me the Tao of Pooh? I never really gave him a chance…” (If so… I can understand that… that’s fine. Maybe that makes me sound like the Second Choice… but I also tend to look at those kinds of situations as “Second Chances”.)
Did she randomly come across the book in her apartment, and that reminded her of me?
Or did she notice I deleted her off MySpace? *shrug* I have no idea.
I wrote her back the next morning, after sleeping on it. I’m open to the idea of seeing her again… and yes, I’m weary… but I don’t want to reject what could be an opportunity. I was busy that weekend, but I suggested we could plan something for the next weekend.
And that was the truth… She left a great first impression on me… and yeah, the blow-off may have sullied that a bit… and I think I do deserve to know why it took so long… what was the holdup, why was I seemingly being jerked around? But if she’s serious about seeing me again… I can wait until she’s willing to tell me on her own terms.
I sent it off. Didn’t get a reply. One of the neat things about MySpace is that you can go to your “Sent” messages and see whether or not the recipient actually read your e-mail. Well… she apparently didn’t check her e-mail all weekend. In fact, apparently, she didn’t check it until Monday… and she did read it.
As of this writing, she hasn’t responded back.
So… I’m suddenly feeling “jerked around” all over again. Sheesh… why is it when I get someone out of my mind, they try to show up in my life again? Why does anyone think I need the reminder?
I wasn’t mad before… just disappointed… but now I’m getting a bit “upset”. If you contact someone and you’re expecting/hoping for a response… why wouldn’t you try and check your e-mail more often? She probably doesn’t know I no longer have her number… but I’m not going to assume she still has mine... so maybe she just doesn’t get the chance to check e-mail. Okay, I’ll go with that. But when she DOES check it… and reads my response… no reply? I’m sorry… if you have time to read it… you have time to write a fast note saying, “I don’t have much time… here’s my number again, call me so we can plan something. I look forward to it!” There. Voila. That’s all you need. That’s all *I* need. (and when I call… return it!)
But if she honestly didn’t have the time to read or reply to my messages… well, if we *were* to develop into something… when was there going to be time for Me? I understand “being busy”… but guess what? We’re ALL busy. But I *make* the time if I want to see someone.
That’s one of the things on my “Required List”… I want someone who’s willing to MAKE time for me… and I’m under the impression she’s not willing or able to do that.
So why am I torturing myself over all this? Especially when there’s a 95% chance that she probably ISN’T thinking about it.
Cause I’m an idiot. That’s why. (Good thing I’m okay with that…)
So… I wish her well. She’s smart, beautiful, and more than pleasant to be around. I hope she finds what she’s looking for… I just have a sneaking suspicion it’s not me.
*shrug*
5.30.2008
Deep Doo-Doo
I hate “deep” people.
Please notice the quotation marks on that, because that’s really what makes the difference, here.
It’s actually not a bad thing to be Deep. In fact, it’s a nice compliment to be told that you are, and thought of as, Deep. It seems to say that you’ve got character, quality as a person… more to offer the world and someone special than just outward appearances and superficial qualities.
Now, I’m not going to start talking about how tough it is to be so Hot in this world (how would I know?)… because we’ve all looked at one of the “Beautiful People”, and seen them get perks and benefits, thought, “Gee, must be nice” while we dream of punching them in their privileged face… with the sharp end of a rusty crowbar… with a grenade taped to it… filled with battery acid… and my pee. (Or is that just my daydream?) But we should always take a second to look at the other side of it… if nothing else then for the fact it’s a nice thing to do.
For one… I think a lot of “Beautiful People”… don’t think of themselves as such. In fact, I bet a lot of them are looking in the mirror, and seeing nothing but faults. In fact, one of them may even be looking at YOU and thinking, “Wow, they’re so beautiful… lucky bitch/bastard. Must be nice to have it all.” Yep, we’re a species of fairly low self-esteem. Even if we look at ourselves and think, “Yeah, I look/feel beautiful!”… we always look at someone else as looking better and having more. Goes back to the whole “grass is always greener”-thing.
For another… “Beautiful People”… usually aren’t taken very seriously. Because whomever they're talking to is either looking at their boobs/butt/6-pack abs/shapely legs/body/pretty face/whatever… (in either a positive or negative way) and not bothering to focus on the concept that there might actually be some grey matter helping to run that biological system. (I’m talking guys AND girls here) If they do think there’s the possibility of a brain… well, it must obviously not be the most important thing about them, otherwise they wouldn’t have focused so much energy and work on the boobs/butt/6-pack abs/shapely legs/body/pretty face/whatever… Yeah, it’s very 1-dimensional kind of thinking, and not really grounded in reality… but we’ve all done it at least several times in our lives. We usually do it during first impressions… when all you have to go on is outward appearances and the first words you hear out of their mouth. (Where some people believe that if you’re not automatically quoting Kierkegaard, or reciting a poem by Browning [either one],… then you don’t have the intelligence gene, and henceforth consider you an idiot, regardless of your diplomas)
I’m not saying that all Hotties in the world are also undiscovered geniuses… No, there’s some great fools out there. But I’ve also seen a lot of Ugly people that are pretty F’in stupid themselves. In my experience, there seems to be NO connection or correlation… inverse or otherwise… between brains and looks. I’m saying that even those Beautiful People that *are* stupid… still have the presence of mind to love the idea of being called Deep.
Dumb or Smart, Beautiful or Ugly… being Deep transcends ALL of that and more. It goes past your skin and outward appearances, sees through your book knowledge and reasoning… because it is directly referring to your SOUL. Previously, the only things in life that could literally touch your soul is Music… or your favorite poem… or that really neat line in that movie that came out a few years ago starring that guy and that girl… but all that… is Art… and the connection of your soul to that art is via your interpretation of it… not necessarily what the writer/artist/etc was thinking at the time… now you’ve gotten evidence of an actual person… a physical human being in front of you, that is claiming to be able to look in and actually see what no one else has been able to… definitively knowing who you really are… a deep soul. And if they can see that in you… then they too must be a deep soul… a truly empathic person on your wavelength… that long-lost person that can actually understand you and everything about you. (*and* they’re good-looking! So, it must be genuine!)
That’s a connection we’d all long for.
Only one teeny tiny little hitch to it:
It’s complete and utter bullshit.
How do I know its bullshit? And why my possibly irrational hatred for these “deep people”?
Well… we can thank the other members of my gender for that. Yep. I blame Men for this one. Completely and totally. The ideas that Women get about being “Deep”? Yeah, they came from being sweet-talked by Men. You know, the guys that play head-games-that-don’t-seem-like-head-games… and say the stupid pick-up-lines-that-don’t-seem-like-pick-up-lines? (As most of you women know, there are some crafty MoFos out there) You see… I don’t call this an “irrational hatred”. This is a thought-out, consciously-realized, impassioned contempt for the whole “Deep” issue, and that pieces of crap that perpetuate it… and there are so many types.
One too many times I've seen a fortysomething single man refer to his "soulmate"... and he INVARIABLY is referring to a young 20-something attractive girl. (They never seem to refer to that 80-year old neighbor as their "soulmate"… I thought true soul connections know no age barriers? Or does that only work one way?) Seriously... I've seen that exact situation more times than I can count. A man in his forties… who brags about how he has a body of a guy in his thirties (we don’t need the shirtless MySpace pictures of you doing a full split! No one cares, it’s pathetic!)… trying to get with a young woman in her twenties… using the emotional relationship logic of a teenager… and throwing tantrums like a child in the single digits. (In the Regression Games, these guys are freaking Olympiads) It's a pathetic mid-life-crisis situation, where way too much drama ensues for everyone involved. So, alarms start sounding off with me when they always refer to a "deep connection" with this girl less than half their age.
There's too much of a difference between someone who's had 20 years to think about things... and someone who's had 45 years to think about things. The difference isn't so big if you're talking about a woman who's 50 and a guy who's 75... because you're "speed of emotional change/maturation" has tapered off to about 5 mph... while the speed of change is more like 95 mph in your twenties. I myself went through such major changes between age 20 and 25... and even more changes between 25 and 30. (I *still* feel like I'm going through changes) I don't care how "mature" you think you are (usually another red flag)... actual real-time and experience counts for a lot more than that. So the "deep connection" the middle-age guy is referring to? Yeah, that's based more on a visual, biological, "insert-Tab-A-into-Slot-B" type of connection rather than one based on maturity.
I've also seen one too many comments on ladies' MySpace pages of guys telling an attractive woman, "You have a beautiful picture, and yet I also see such a depth to your soul" or "Your poetry and blogs are very deep" (oddly enough, ALSO on the page of a girl with a cleavage-showing picture or model-quality looks).
I’m hereby calling: Bull.
Makes me want to puke. I find it so insulting to the WOMAN. And what astounds me so much more, is that a lot of women seem to fall for it. Why do they fall for it? “Because he’s so deep.”
You absolutely, positively can NOT tell how Deep someone’s soul is by a picture. Or reading one blog or poem they wrote… or even 100 blogs and poems. To imply that you can is insulting to everyone involved (whether they have a brain or not). Being “deep” is very easily faked. Many guys Act “deep”, even fooling themselves into thinking that they really are Deep (the first victim of a liar, is the liar himself), because they come up with such wonderful, poetic, Existential thoughts *all* on their own… despite the fact that those ideas have already been around for 100+ years. (The fact there’s even the *label* called “Existentialism” should be your first clue to that) No, you don’t get credit for coming up with it “all on your own”(if you really did)… that just means your philosophy is 2 centuries behind.
Does this mean there’s no truly Deep people in the world? Hell, no. There’d be no museums, no good music, or decent books and movies if there weren’t any (Or much of anything, really). But they just don’t act the way we seem to think “Deep” people would act. They don’t sit around, brooding, acting miserable and listening to the Cure… or saying how everyone that doesn’t like them “is an idiot, and obviously doesn’t understand me”. I’m willing to lay money down that Robert Smith of the Cure doesn’t sit around just saying, “I’m so sad.” He’s too busy writing songs, cutting an album, touring… and doing everything he can to channel any actual misery he has into something productive. (I don’t even *like* the Cure.)
If we’re truly going to consider the quality of being “Deep” to be a good thing… then we at least need to figure out what the hell it actually means to be so. I don’t buy the argument of “Either you are or you’re not… you can’t put it into words, you just know if someone is Deep or not”. Sorry, but the English language is varied and expansive… and we have concepts like metaphors that help us to explain the things that “you can’t find the words to”. (Hell, using words from OTHER languages can help) The word “Deep” itself IS a metaphor. “Depth” is a physical, practical dimension like height, width, and mass. Holes are deep. Oceans are deep. Canyons are deep. How does an intangible, spiritual idea have a dimension? Physically… it doesn’t. Metaphorically, it does.
So as I blab about what *I* think it means to get Deep… let’s get even more metaphoric:
Picture a hole in the ground. That’s your soul. The deeper the hole, the deeper your soul.
Fill it up with water, right to the top. We’ll call this your Character. You can’t have more character then the depth of your soul. Make sense? (I hope you’re nodding)
Now, like any lake or ocean… it’s impossible to tell how deep your Soul/Hole is just by looking at the surface. I don’t care how pretty your eyes are, how good of a picture you take… the appearance of deepness is not the same as actually being “deep”. You can put a sign by your mini-pond saying, “Careful… Deep Water!” But doesn’t actually make it so. Deep to a Hobbit is shallow to a Giant.
(Did I *really* just make a Lord of the Rings reference? *sigh*… I was doing so well… but the geekness always shines through, doesn’t it? Anyway…)
There’s only one way to find out how deep it is. By going in. Exploring around. Diving in and taking a swim. In reality that means to actually get to know the person. And you don’t get that from just one date. Talking to someone only tells you so much. You have to *experience* stuff with them. You need to see them on a bad day. You need to see them on a day when everything is coming up roses. How do they react? What do they do when YOU are having a bad or a good day? That takes time. A LOT of time. More time than a lot of people are willing to put into it. But if you give them the chance, put in the time, you’ll find that some people may be deeper than you think… or you’ll quickly learn if they’re shallow fakers.
And if you do find that they’re “deep”? Well, you know what you find at the bottom of a deep hole?
Mud. Dirt. Muck. Probably some slime, mold and algae, too. (I know… romantic thoughts, right?)
In fact, the Deeper you go, the more of that dirt and muck you’re going to find.
That’s essentially what I think makes someone “deep”. They have dirt in their life. They’ve made mistakes… crap has happened to them. And they’ve had some pain.
But then just being “Deep” isn’t enough.
Because you have that hole filled with water… because if you make the hole suddenly deeper, the water level drops down… because you have the same amount of water in it, the same amount of character as before. So, you may be “deep”… but if you just sit there in your misery and brooding, never growing and learning… if someone DOES dive in, they’re still going to find that you’re pretty damn shallow.
So, you need to fill up that hole with MORE water/character. You have to learn from the experiences that made you so deep… and fill it up with the Garden Hose of Introspection… (Uh… okay I almost lost myself on that one. But stay with me…)
But that’s how you become a better person. So when someone is swimming around, with plenty of water to swim in, and they emerge back to your surface… they’re breathing fresh clean air, feeling free, refreshed, ready to dive in again. And you might have a good shot at being that person’s favorite swimming hole.
If you don’t learn? Then whoever you tricked to jump down in that hole isn’t having fun swimming in the shallow water… because all they see is mud and slime. The breathing isn’t too good down there… and they may be feeling pretty trapped, and wanting to get out.
I’ve known people that have been in prison. And many others who have been through horrible circumstances… some of their own making, some not. Some didn’t bother to change for the better… that’s why they remained shallow, nasty, out-for-yourself people… and ended up back in prison or whatever pit they were unfairly born into, or even dug for themselves. Others… learned from it. Decided they didn’t want to be like that anymore, and made a conscious effort to better themselves. I used to know one guy… arms covered in vulgar, tough-looking tattoos. Even had one right in the middle of his forehead. Looked like the kind of guy you wouldn’t want to be caught alone with… and for good reason, because he had done some nasty things in his life. Hurt a lot of people, and did hard time for it. He was one tough, old sumbitch. But then when I got to know him… and talked to him for 10 seconds, I realized that this guy became one of the nicest, most polite, and gentlemanly guys I’ve ever meet. He readily admitted what he did… and he decided to learn from it. No, he didn’t quote Nietzsche, or do Art… he didn’t brood and act mysterious and miserable… he had simply become a quality individual after a life of mistakes… and his wisdom and life lessons made him one of the “Deepest” people I ever had the pleasure to meet.
So I highly doubt that young 20-year-old upper middle class kids with trust funds have souls that are "deep"... no matter how "angry" their garage band sounds. And the forty-year old pathetic freaks that put shirtless pictures of themselves online (*shudder*) may have had a lot of crap in their lives, and the holes may be "deep"... but there isn't a whole lot of water/character there, and their Soul Hole is uber-shallow.
So... to quickly sum up what I've been spewing here... "Deep" entails a lot of pain, and a lot of introspection to heal it. Though I think if I started off with that, it wouldn't have made as much sense.
Not saying it makes a lot of sense NOW… but… maybe a little? *shrug*
Please notice the quotation marks on that, because that’s really what makes the difference, here.
It’s actually not a bad thing to be Deep. In fact, it’s a nice compliment to be told that you are, and thought of as, Deep. It seems to say that you’ve got character, quality as a person… more to offer the world and someone special than just outward appearances and superficial qualities.
Now, I’m not going to start talking about how tough it is to be so Hot in this world (how would I know?)… because we’ve all looked at one of the “Beautiful People”, and seen them get perks and benefits, thought, “Gee, must be nice” while we dream of punching them in their privileged face… with the sharp end of a rusty crowbar… with a grenade taped to it… filled with battery acid… and my pee. (Or is that just my daydream?) But we should always take a second to look at the other side of it… if nothing else then for the fact it’s a nice thing to do.
For one… I think a lot of “Beautiful People”… don’t think of themselves as such. In fact, I bet a lot of them are looking in the mirror, and seeing nothing but faults. In fact, one of them may even be looking at YOU and thinking, “Wow, they’re so beautiful… lucky bitch/bastard. Must be nice to have it all.” Yep, we’re a species of fairly low self-esteem. Even if we look at ourselves and think, “Yeah, I look/feel beautiful!”… we always look at someone else as looking better and having more. Goes back to the whole “grass is always greener”-thing.
For another… “Beautiful People”… usually aren’t taken very seriously. Because whomever they're talking to is either looking at their boobs/butt/6-pack abs/shapely legs/body/pretty face/whatever… (in either a positive or negative way) and not bothering to focus on the concept that there might actually be some grey matter helping to run that biological system. (I’m talking guys AND girls here) If they do think there’s the possibility of a brain… well, it must obviously not be the most important thing about them, otherwise they wouldn’t have focused so much energy and work on the boobs/butt/6-pack abs/shapely legs/body/pretty face/whatever… Yeah, it’s very 1-dimensional kind of thinking, and not really grounded in reality… but we’ve all done it at least several times in our lives. We usually do it during first impressions… when all you have to go on is outward appearances and the first words you hear out of their mouth. (Where some people believe that if you’re not automatically quoting Kierkegaard, or reciting a poem by Browning [either one],… then you don’t have the intelligence gene, and henceforth consider you an idiot, regardless of your diplomas)
I’m not saying that all Hotties in the world are also undiscovered geniuses… No, there’s some great fools out there. But I’ve also seen a lot of Ugly people that are pretty F’in stupid themselves. In my experience, there seems to be NO connection or correlation… inverse or otherwise… between brains and looks. I’m saying that even those Beautiful People that *are* stupid… still have the presence of mind to love the idea of being called Deep.
Dumb or Smart, Beautiful or Ugly… being Deep transcends ALL of that and more. It goes past your skin and outward appearances, sees through your book knowledge and reasoning… because it is directly referring to your SOUL. Previously, the only things in life that could literally touch your soul is Music… or your favorite poem… or that really neat line in that movie that came out a few years ago starring that guy and that girl… but all that… is Art… and the connection of your soul to that art is via your interpretation of it… not necessarily what the writer/artist/etc was thinking at the time… now you’ve gotten evidence of an actual person… a physical human being in front of you, that is claiming to be able to look in and actually see what no one else has been able to… definitively knowing who you really are… a deep soul. And if they can see that in you… then they too must be a deep soul… a truly empathic person on your wavelength… that long-lost person that can actually understand you and everything about you. (*and* they’re good-looking! So, it must be genuine!)
That’s a connection we’d all long for.
Only one teeny tiny little hitch to it:
It’s complete and utter bullshit.
How do I know its bullshit? And why my possibly irrational hatred for these “deep people”?
Well… we can thank the other members of my gender for that. Yep. I blame Men for this one. Completely and totally. The ideas that Women get about being “Deep”? Yeah, they came from being sweet-talked by Men. You know, the guys that play head-games-that-don’t-seem-like-head-games… and say the stupid pick-up-lines-that-don’t-seem-like-pick-up-lines? (As most of you women know, there are some crafty MoFos out there) You see… I don’t call this an “irrational hatred”. This is a thought-out, consciously-realized, impassioned contempt for the whole “Deep” issue, and that pieces of crap that perpetuate it… and there are so many types.
One too many times I've seen a fortysomething single man refer to his "soulmate"... and he INVARIABLY is referring to a young 20-something attractive girl. (They never seem to refer to that 80-year old neighbor as their "soulmate"… I thought true soul connections know no age barriers? Or does that only work one way?) Seriously... I've seen that exact situation more times than I can count. A man in his forties… who brags about how he has a body of a guy in his thirties (we don’t need the shirtless MySpace pictures of you doing a full split! No one cares, it’s pathetic!)… trying to get with a young woman in her twenties… using the emotional relationship logic of a teenager… and throwing tantrums like a child in the single digits. (In the Regression Games, these guys are freaking Olympiads) It's a pathetic mid-life-crisis situation, where way too much drama ensues for everyone involved. So, alarms start sounding off with me when they always refer to a "deep connection" with this girl less than half their age.
There's too much of a difference between someone who's had 20 years to think about things... and someone who's had 45 years to think about things. The difference isn't so big if you're talking about a woman who's 50 and a guy who's 75... because you're "speed of emotional change/maturation" has tapered off to about 5 mph... while the speed of change is more like 95 mph in your twenties. I myself went through such major changes between age 20 and 25... and even more changes between 25 and 30. (I *still* feel like I'm going through changes) I don't care how "mature" you think you are (usually another red flag)... actual real-time and experience counts for a lot more than that. So the "deep connection" the middle-age guy is referring to? Yeah, that's based more on a visual, biological, "insert-Tab-A-into-Slot-B" type of connection rather than one based on maturity.
I've also seen one too many comments on ladies' MySpace pages of guys telling an attractive woman, "You have a beautiful picture, and yet I also see such a depth to your soul" or "Your poetry and blogs are very deep" (oddly enough, ALSO on the page of a girl with a cleavage-showing picture or model-quality looks).
I’m hereby calling: Bull.
Makes me want to puke. I find it so insulting to the WOMAN. And what astounds me so much more, is that a lot of women seem to fall for it. Why do they fall for it? “Because he’s so deep.”
You absolutely, positively can NOT tell how Deep someone’s soul is by a picture. Or reading one blog or poem they wrote… or even 100 blogs and poems. To imply that you can is insulting to everyone involved (whether they have a brain or not). Being “deep” is very easily faked. Many guys Act “deep”, even fooling themselves into thinking that they really are Deep (the first victim of a liar, is the liar himself), because they come up with such wonderful, poetic, Existential thoughts *all* on their own… despite the fact that those ideas have already been around for 100+ years. (The fact there’s even the *label* called “Existentialism” should be your first clue to that) No, you don’t get credit for coming up with it “all on your own”(if you really did)… that just means your philosophy is 2 centuries behind.
Does this mean there’s no truly Deep people in the world? Hell, no. There’d be no museums, no good music, or decent books and movies if there weren’t any (Or much of anything, really). But they just don’t act the way we seem to think “Deep” people would act. They don’t sit around, brooding, acting miserable and listening to the Cure… or saying how everyone that doesn’t like them “is an idiot, and obviously doesn’t understand me”. I’m willing to lay money down that Robert Smith of the Cure doesn’t sit around just saying, “I’m so sad.” He’s too busy writing songs, cutting an album, touring… and doing everything he can to channel any actual misery he has into something productive. (I don’t even *like* the Cure.)
If we’re truly going to consider the quality of being “Deep” to be a good thing… then we at least need to figure out what the hell it actually means to be so. I don’t buy the argument of “Either you are or you’re not… you can’t put it into words, you just know if someone is Deep or not”. Sorry, but the English language is varied and expansive… and we have concepts like metaphors that help us to explain the things that “you can’t find the words to”. (Hell, using words from OTHER languages can help) The word “Deep” itself IS a metaphor. “Depth” is a physical, practical dimension like height, width, and mass. Holes are deep. Oceans are deep. Canyons are deep. How does an intangible, spiritual idea have a dimension? Physically… it doesn’t. Metaphorically, it does.
So as I blab about what *I* think it means to get Deep… let’s get even more metaphoric:
Picture a hole in the ground. That’s your soul. The deeper the hole, the deeper your soul.
Fill it up with water, right to the top. We’ll call this your Character. You can’t have more character then the depth of your soul. Make sense? (I hope you’re nodding)
Now, like any lake or ocean… it’s impossible to tell how deep your Soul/Hole is just by looking at the surface. I don’t care how pretty your eyes are, how good of a picture you take… the appearance of deepness is not the same as actually being “deep”. You can put a sign by your mini-pond saying, “Careful… Deep Water!” But doesn’t actually make it so. Deep to a Hobbit is shallow to a Giant.
(Did I *really* just make a Lord of the Rings reference? *sigh*… I was doing so well… but the geekness always shines through, doesn’t it? Anyway…)
There’s only one way to find out how deep it is. By going in. Exploring around. Diving in and taking a swim. In reality that means to actually get to know the person. And you don’t get that from just one date. Talking to someone only tells you so much. You have to *experience* stuff with them. You need to see them on a bad day. You need to see them on a day when everything is coming up roses. How do they react? What do they do when YOU are having a bad or a good day? That takes time. A LOT of time. More time than a lot of people are willing to put into it. But if you give them the chance, put in the time, you’ll find that some people may be deeper than you think… or you’ll quickly learn if they’re shallow fakers.
And if you do find that they’re “deep”? Well, you know what you find at the bottom of a deep hole?
Mud. Dirt. Muck. Probably some slime, mold and algae, too. (I know… romantic thoughts, right?)
In fact, the Deeper you go, the more of that dirt and muck you’re going to find.
That’s essentially what I think makes someone “deep”. They have dirt in their life. They’ve made mistakes… crap has happened to them. And they’ve had some pain.
But then just being “Deep” isn’t enough.
Because you have that hole filled with water… because if you make the hole suddenly deeper, the water level drops down… because you have the same amount of water in it, the same amount of character as before. So, you may be “deep”… but if you just sit there in your misery and brooding, never growing and learning… if someone DOES dive in, they’re still going to find that you’re pretty damn shallow.
So, you need to fill up that hole with MORE water/character. You have to learn from the experiences that made you so deep… and fill it up with the Garden Hose of Introspection… (Uh… okay I almost lost myself on that one. But stay with me…)
But that’s how you become a better person. So when someone is swimming around, with plenty of water to swim in, and they emerge back to your surface… they’re breathing fresh clean air, feeling free, refreshed, ready to dive in again. And you might have a good shot at being that person’s favorite swimming hole.
If you don’t learn? Then whoever you tricked to jump down in that hole isn’t having fun swimming in the shallow water… because all they see is mud and slime. The breathing isn’t too good down there… and they may be feeling pretty trapped, and wanting to get out.
I’ve known people that have been in prison. And many others who have been through horrible circumstances… some of their own making, some not. Some didn’t bother to change for the better… that’s why they remained shallow, nasty, out-for-yourself people… and ended up back in prison or whatever pit they were unfairly born into, or even dug for themselves. Others… learned from it. Decided they didn’t want to be like that anymore, and made a conscious effort to better themselves. I used to know one guy… arms covered in vulgar, tough-looking tattoos. Even had one right in the middle of his forehead. Looked like the kind of guy you wouldn’t want to be caught alone with… and for good reason, because he had done some nasty things in his life. Hurt a lot of people, and did hard time for it. He was one tough, old sumbitch. But then when I got to know him… and talked to him for 10 seconds, I realized that this guy became one of the nicest, most polite, and gentlemanly guys I’ve ever meet. He readily admitted what he did… and he decided to learn from it. No, he didn’t quote Nietzsche, or do Art… he didn’t brood and act mysterious and miserable… he had simply become a quality individual after a life of mistakes… and his wisdom and life lessons made him one of the “Deepest” people I ever had the pleasure to meet.
So I highly doubt that young 20-year-old upper middle class kids with trust funds have souls that are "deep"... no matter how "angry" their garage band sounds. And the forty-year old pathetic freaks that put shirtless pictures of themselves online (*shudder*) may have had a lot of crap in their lives, and the holes may be "deep"... but there isn't a whole lot of water/character there, and their Soul Hole is uber-shallow.
So... to quickly sum up what I've been spewing here... "Deep" entails a lot of pain, and a lot of introspection to heal it. Though I think if I started off with that, it wouldn't have made as much sense.
Not saying it makes a lot of sense NOW… but… maybe a little? *shrug*
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